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GoAskSuzie.com

WELCOME TO MY BLOG

Q&A About love, trust & overcoming infidelity

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for affair partners

- Suzie Johnson, Cpc -

Affair Recovery Expert

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ALL POSTS FOR affair PARTNERS Q&A

How can life keep us apart if we are so in love?
Affair Partner Q & A

How Can Life Keep Us Apart If We Are So In Love?

Dear Suzie, I know he is truly in love with me. I believe with all my heart we are destined to be together. We’ve got so much going for us. But there’s a big problem. We are both married. He doesn’t want to leave his wife and kids, and I don’t want to leave my husband and family. But we both love each other. I feel so lost. At night, I am lying next to my husband and I wish it were him. He tells me he feels the same thing. I really believe I have finally found the man of my dreams, the one great love of my life, and yet we can’t be together. How could life be …

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Why should I just let his wife win?
Affair Partner Q & A

Why Should I Just Let His Wife Win?

Dear Suzie, Why should I move over and let his wife win, when I am the one who loves him and treats him like gold? I feel like we deserve to be together. Our love deserves a chance. His wife deserves to lose him. She doesn’t care about him. She treats him like dirt! Picture this: Two friends walk into an all-you-can-eat buffet. One woman immediately joins the line and starts filling her plate with everything she wants. The second woman doesn’t join the line. Instead, she sits and waits until the other woman returns to the table and begins stealing food from her friend’s plate. What’s wrong with this picture? If you’re at an all-you-can-eat buffet, why would you …

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Why is our connection so overpowering?
Affair Partner Q & A

Why Is Our Connection So Overpowering?

Dear Suzie, We have a magnetic connection. Every time we walk by each other, there’s a powerful energy. Why are we so drawn to each other? Why do we get electric shocks of energy every time we stand near each other? Why do we make each other laugh and feel so happy the way no one else can? What’s this powerful thing happening between us? Is this love or what? I see you’ve been hijacked by sexual emotions. This isn’t a sign of Love. It’s a sign of lust. Mother Nature does this to make sure we feel strongly enough to procreate. She doesn’t care about your career, how it might look in the work place, or how it might …

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Why does this man make me feel so weak?
Affair Partner Q & A

Why Does This Man Make Me Feel So Weak?

Dear Suzie, I don’t think I’m strong enough to let him go. This man knows exactly how to make my knees weak. I can’t seem to resist him. He lies and I believe him. What’s going on? Falling in love with a married man isn’t a weak choice. (It’s just not a smart one.) The real question here is this… Why are you so ready (and willing) to believe you are weak? Could it be that holding to this belief that you’re weak… is simply an excuse to act weak? (Something to consider.) Here’s the thing… I don’t believe for one second that you’re a weak person. And I know for a fact that True Love doesn’t make you feel weak. In fact, it …

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Why didn't I just walk away when I found out he was married?
Affair Partner Q & A

Why Didn’t I Just Walk Away When I Found Out He Was Married?

Dear Suzie, I felt like a fool when I found out he was married. But like an idiot, I stayed with him. Why didn’t I just walk away? I’m so confused and disgusted with myself. What do I do now? Did you know that the fool has always played an important role in history? That’s right. In fact, in medieval times, the fool provided the entertainment, the laughs, and the jokes (at the expense of their own pride). So why did they do it? Well, there are payoffs to playing the fool. There’s the fame, the fortune, and of course, they got a lot of attention. (Personally, I think playing the fool is a heavy price to pay for attention.) Here’s something to consider: …

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What if I never meet somebody who makes me feel this again?
Affair Partner Q & A

What If I Never Meet Somebody Who Makes Me Feel This Again?

Dear Suzie, Something inside is telling me that I shouldn’t stay with him, but I think I really love this man. Suzie, what if I never meet anyone who makes me feel like this ever again? Be careful. You don’t want to confuse drama for love. If you get high when you’re with him and feel down when you’re not, you’re living in a soap opera. Don’t mistake that for a real relationship.  It’s not.  And just the fact that you’re asking me this question tells me that your intuition knows this isn’t the right relationship for you. I suggest you listen to your intuition. Your intuition is that part of you that’s advising you not to sell yourself short. It’s …

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How do I stop getting back into the affair with him?
Affair Partner Q & A

How Do I Stop Getting Back into the Affair With Him?

Dear Suzie, I’ve been having an affair for the last two years with a married man. I have ended it and gone back more times than I can count. I feel like giving up, but these feelings are too strong. What can I do to stop running back to him every time he calls? So, you have established a pattern where ending it is always followed by giving in again. What’s going on here? I have a theory: it’s easy for humans to get caught up in the addiction to newness. Many of us get hooked on that feeling you get when you do something AGAIN for the first time. Maybe it’s not the guy you love, or even the relationship. …

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Should I tell him why I ended our affair?
Affair Partner Q & A

Should I Tell Him Why I Ended Our Affair?

Dear Suzie, I abruptly ended the affair a few weeks ago. Now I feel like I should talk to him and explain why. Do you think this is a good idea? Here’s something I want you to understand: affairs have no etiquette and no protocols. They don’t come with privileges, and those who partake in them have no rights. When you end an affair, no explanations are needed… simply an exit. In fact… Beneath the desire to explain, comfort, or ease the pain, lurks an even deeper (hidden) desire for approval and validation. And if you’re willing to be honest with yourself, you might discover that this approval-seeking tendency has a lot to do with why you got into this affair in the first place. Take …

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Could our affair be a special affair that works?
Affair Partner Q & A

Could Our Affair Be a Special Affair That Works?

Dear Suzie, He promised that he’s being honest with me. I see no reason why he wouldn’t be, but I’m afraid to believe him. I really do believe he is in a no-win situation at home. Isn’t it possible that his situation is different? Here’s the thing: A big part of the allure of an affair IS the illusion that it’s different, special, unique, and “destined to be”. In fact, I would even go so far as to say… we need those kinds of beliefs about affairs, because they help us to justify our actions. Here’s what we know: With the belief that the affair is unique, special and “destined to be”… the affair continues. But what happens when we don’t have those types of …

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Isn't seeing him sometimes better than nothing?
Affair Partner Q & A

Isn’t Seeing Him Sometimes Better Than Nothing?

Dear Suzie, I only get to see the married man I am involved with a few days a month when I go to our headquarters for business. But I have told myself that the few hours we spend together will be enough. Isn’t this better than nothing at all? Compromise will only bring you humiliation. It may seem okay for now. But eventually, it gets depressing being alone on Valentine’s Day. It’s hard waking up alone on Christmas morning. It’s humiliating to attend family functions, parties, and couples’ events as a single… because the person you’re seeing… can’t be seen with you. The lure of an affair is its promise of someday. But let’s stop and look at the truth.  While …

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We are in love. How could this be wrong?
Affair Partner Q & A

We Are in Love. How Could This Be Wrong?

Dear Suzie, I just can’t seem to say no to him. I feel like I have no will of my own. I feel like such a worthless person for letting this happen. I used to be one of those people who were against this kind of thing. In fact, I despised women who got involved with married men. I felt they got what they deserved. How did I let this happen to me? You may have been humbled, but you are not worthless. Remember: There’s a big difference between being a bad person and making a bad judgment. When it comes to sexual emotions, attraction and temptation, we’re all vulnerable. No one is immune. Therefore, it’s not our job to judge or condemn …

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What if he's telling the truth about leaving his wife?
Affair Partner Q & A

What If He’s Telling the Truth About Leaving His Wife?

Dear Suzie, He says one day we will be together. I know it sounds cliché, but I really believe he means it. He’s an honest person in every other way. What should I do? This sword cuts both ways, so be very careful what you wish for (you just may get it). And let’s imagine for a moment that you do. I want you to really think about what this would mean. Here are three key things to consider: Your relationship will have a shaky foundation at best. (If his first marriage were to break up because of this affair, think of the guilt and stress that would be redirected toward your relationship.) If you’re married to a man who …

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Affair Partner Q & A

I Had Passionate Sex with a Married Man Will He Be Back for More?

Three years ago, I had passionate sex with a married man (I’m also married). It was the kind of sex and attraction that was out of this world — one that left me craving for more. And so be it. We have caught up yearly since then. This made me fall for him even more… and he now tells me that he just can’t see me anymore because the guilt is killing him, but that I have left him with some very fond memories. Do you think he will be back for more? Thank you for the opportunity to serve. I admit, I am curious about the motive behind your question. For example, are you wondering if he will come …

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Affair Partner Q & A

Should I Tell His Wife About Our Affair?

I have been having an affair (I am single with children) with a married man (also with children) on and off for 3.5 years. I have no illusion that he will leave her for me. I am realistic and know it’s just good sex for him (with me). I have had a couple of other “proper” (and faithful) relationships in that time but never stopped thinking about the other guy. It’s been that way (as in on/off) because I go through all those stages you write about as far as knowing right from wrong, ceasing, enabling him, etc. But like many other women, part of me loves this man. I also go through the inner turmoil of deciding whether to …

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Affair Partner Q & A

Struggling to Move On After My Affair with a Coworker

Hi Suzie, I had an affair with a coworker (we are both married with three kids). One month ago, he decided to try to repair his marriage. It took him a month to “go back”, and during that time, he continued to tell me that I was his one true love, that he belonged beside me, that he would never stop loving me. We have had no contact for one week now. In his last email, he said he missed my company and that his actions in no way represent his feelings for me, that repairing his marriage “no matter what” (even if he settled for less than happiness) was the path he felt he had to take. I never …

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Affair Partner Q & A

The Right Words to End My Emotional Affair

I have never read any article on infidelity or on overcoming the emotional traumas of an affair like the ones you have provided. For 10 years, I was in a marriage that was rocked by multiple affairs and double lives. It took me well over a year with support, therapy and lots and lots of quiet time to navigate myself back to an emotionally well state. Here is the unfortunate part… I found myself caught up in an emotional affair with a friend of over 15 years who is married. The circumstances were very unique. He was deployed overseas and we started chatting by email, then by phone, and then we ended up meeting. I was in a place in my …

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Affair Partner Q & A

Will I Ever Get Him Out of My Mind Completely?

Will I ever get him out of my mind completely? I don’t think I can live without him. I know I shouldn’t say it, but it’s true. It’s like there was a magnetic connection between us. Every time we walk by each other, it’s like we have this powerful energy. I have never felt this way before about anyone. And I don’t think I ever will again. Even though I know the feelings I have for him are wrong, I would rather have it like this than not have him at all. What should I do? Right off the bat, I noticed a major red flag in your question. I’ll address it in a few minutes. Before I do, however, …

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Affair Partner Q & A

Any Help for the Other Woman Caught in a Love Triangle?

It all started out innocent. I knew from the start that he was married. We also promised each other that it won’t go too far, but it did. It all started in November 2006. I wanted to quit on this relationship hundreds of times before, but I couldn’t. I really loved him. His wife soon after that found out about our relationship when she checked his telephone account. He told me that one of the women in his life had to go, and that it should be me. He still loves me, but he would really like to give his marriage another chance for the sake of his children. I agreed. The very next day, he phoned me to tell …

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Affair Partner Q & A

I am helplessly in love with a married man.

I’m helplessly in love with a married man. He does all the things I like: he opens doors, buys me things and takes me places. He makes me feel like I’m the only thing in the world that matters to him. He’s told me how bad his marriage really is, that his wife doesn’t love him, and she just takes him for granted. I really believe he’s telling me the truth because I can see that he is starving for attention and a woman’s touch. The really bad part about all this is that I am a God-fearing woman. I have been going to church my whole life, and I hate the fact that I have become a mistress to …

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How to Stop Loving Someone
Affair Partner Q & A

How Do I Stop Loving Someone?

Suzie, How do I stop loving someone once I’ve already started? I can’t get her out of my head. I want to move on, but I can’t. I just don’t see how it’s possible to force my heart to stop loving her. I love her totally, and I don’t think I will ever stop. It’s tearing me apart inside whenever something reminds me of her. Any advice? When it comes to wanting to stop loving someone you no longer wish to be with in a relationship, here’s a big difference between “I can’t” and “I don’t know how to” OR “I don’t want to.” Let me tell you a story my teacher once told me at a point in my …

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Affair Partner Q & A

Every Time I Try to End It, I End Up Back in It Again

Please don’t judge me, but I have been in an affair with a married man for the last five years. I have tried to end it countless times, and failed. I can’t count the number of breaking up/reuniting episodes we’ve gone through, and he continually convinces me this affair is the perfect solution to our marital dilemmas. No one has to tell me how wrong this is, and yet every time I try to end it, I end up back in it. Now I am depressed, and I feel my situation is hopeless. – Five Year Low From your email, it does seem like your own mind is working against you, and is even trying to sabotage your efforts to …

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Affair Partner Q & A
Every Time I Try to End It, I End Up Back in It Again

Please don’t judge me, but I have been in an affair with a married man for the last five years. I have tried to end …

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How to Stop Loving Someone
Affair Partner Q & A
How Do I Stop Loving Someone?

Suzie, How do I stop loving someone once I’ve already started? I can’t get her out of my head. I want to move on, but …

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Affair Partner Q & A
I am helplessly in love with a married man.

I’m helplessly in love with a married man. He does all the things I like: he opens doors, buys me things and takes me places. …

Read My Answer →
Affair Partner Q & A
Any Help for the Other Woman Caught in a Love Triangle?

It all started out innocent. I knew from the start that he was married. We also promised each other that it won’t go too far, …

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