Think about this. If an affair were a plant, it would be considered a seasonal and not an evergreen. Let me explain the difference.
Seasonals vs Evergreens
Seasonal plants are temporary. Most have shallow roots, but they do bloom beautifully for a while, and then they are gone. Evergreens, on the other hand, are sturdy plants — strong and structured with deep roots. They can keep growing and thriving decade after decade. Using this analogy, there are two ways affair partners tend to treat their affairs. There are those who treat the affair like they’re an evergreen (expecting it to last), and there are those that treat them like seasonals (knowing they are there for a short while and not designed to last). So, two ways to look at affair relations: like an evergreen or like a seasonal bloom.
If you choose to treat your affair like an evergreen, then I wish you all the best. You’re going to need it. However, this website, and all the resources it provides, is concerned with helping those who are willing and courageous enough to treat an affair like what it really is — a seasonal bloom that has come to pass.
Here’s the bad news, extramarital affairs often provide similar payoffs to those found in evergreen or authentic relationships. For example, they can provide things like companionship, connectedness, interest, excitement, and of course, sex.
The most seductive part? They often give the illusion of being able to provide many of the rewards that you would get in an authentic relationship without having to do any of the hard work required in authentic relationships. So, it’s kind of like getting to eat all the ice cream you want and never having to worry about cholesterol or weight gain.
Once a person believes that they are in fact getting something pleasurable (without having to pay too much for it), it’s easy to become enchanted. And so it’s more likely for them to mistake intensity for authenticity, excitement for passion, attachment for love, and pleasure for happiness, and of course, mistake a seasonal for an evergreen. Unfortunately, many can become so enchanted by the idea of pleasure without a price that they can’t see the illusion until it’s too late.
The laws of the universe are exacting. There is no such thing as something for nothing. There’s no action without consequence, and there’s no wrong action that can lead to a right result. And so there’s no deceptive relationship that can also be an authentic one.
Affairs produce what is commonly called an affair fog. Now this describes a state where it becomes difficult for a person to tell the difference between what is genuine and what is an imitation, what is meaningful and what is meaningless, and what is worthy of pursuing and what is reckless to pursue. And it’s this affair fog that often leads to so many poor decisions and bad choices, deceptive practices and regret makers that happen during the course of an affair.
Affairs also produce high degrees of misguided loyalty. Now you can tell this is happening when the affair partner is stubbornly willing to believe the affair lies and strongly defends the affair itself despite the fact that having an affair totally goes against their own principles and values. And it’s exactly because of this type of misguided loyalty why so many will fight to keep the affair rather than fight to break free from it, and why so many will obsess about what they’ve lost at the end of the affair rather than focus on the rewards of living guilt-free from the affair. But perhaps the most dangerous: misguided loyalty is also the primary reason why so many treat an affair like an evergreen when they ought to be treating it like a seasonal and allowing it to fade away. And it is the reason for the drama and the trauma at the end of the affair.
There is a way for you to break free from the affair without all the drama and trauma, but it means taking a different approach than you’ve taken to the end of the affair, and yet it works.
Are you willing to take a different approach to the end of the affair? (One that doesn’t involve all that drama and trauma?) If you are, then my End of the Affair home study online course might be part of the solution you’ve been searching for.
My End of the Affair home study course has 5 audio coaching sessions, during which I will coach you, coax you and guide you through my process for breaking free from the affair with as little drama and trauma as possible. Please notice, I offer no judgment on how you got here (that’s not my job). My job is to help you figure out how to move forward from here. Therefore, all the tips, tools, strategies and skills you’re going to learn are all designed to help you do one thing: break free from the affair both emotionally and psychologically, and do it in a way that keeps your self-respect and self-esteem intact.
The Best Part? You can access my End of the Affair home study course instantly. There’s no waiting, no awkward or uncomfortable office visits. You can begin right where you are, taking it one step at a time, listening and learning from the privacy and convenience of your own home.
There are only two ways that affairs end: gracefully or painfully. And regardless of how long or short the affair has been, there’s always a way for you to exit gracefully. And so in this course, I will be teaching you the right way, the right tools, the right words and the right approach for you to have a graceful exit.
Breaking free from an affair — especially if you’ve tried and failed before — can sometimes feel like an impossible task. And yet there is a way for you to break free and stay free of the affair that works. The good news is, I’ll be teaching you my process for doing that, and it’s already proven highly effective with my private clients.
The end of an affair can be about losing a power struggle, or it can be about reclaiming personal power. In this course, I’m going to share with you key perspectives and insights that will go a long way to ensure that for you, the end is about power and not loss.
You already know what neutral feels like because there was a time in the past when your feelings were neutral towards the affair partner. And so dismantling the emotional attachment is not a matter of learning something new, but it’s a matter of returning to a state you’ve already been to.
Guilt and unhappiness are attached like wet and water: where there is one, you’ll find the other. But don’t despair because in this course, I’m going to walk you through to my guilt canceling and self-healing process so that you can learn how to accept forgiveness for your own mistakes and clean up any unfinished business and move on.
Your “Parachute” for Exiting an Affair
Exiting an affair is like skydiving. It can only end in one of two ways: painfully or gracefully. Think of this session as the parachute you’re going to need to make that graceful exit. So my goal for you in this session is to not only help you exit gracefully, but also to give you the perspectives that will reduce things like breakup anxiety or affair partner backlash and your own resistance. That way, you can make that last, final and permanent exit.
Your Bucket of Cold Water for Inappropriate Feelings
Just because an affair is over or never got physical doesn’t mean your feelings can’t still be intense. And just because an affair is busted doesn’t mean the desire vanishes overnight. In fact, the affair fog can linger far longer than you would expect. So my goal for you in this session is to provide some powerful tools, insights, and tips that will act like a bucket of cold water on those overheated and inappropriate feelings.
Your Emotional Neutralizer for Breaking Free
This session neutralizes the compulsive and addictive allure of the affair. You see, affairs are like lobster pots, in that they are much easier to get into than out of. My goal for you in this session is to not only empower you to break free but to teach you the tools that will ensure you stay free and are able to live guilt-free all the way up to forever.
Your Medicine for Restoring Self-Respect
Feeling guilt after having had an affair is a bit like taking medicine after death, in that, it’s a little too late to be helpful, and yet it doesn’t stop that guilt from showing up anyway. So my goal for you in this session is to help you make the shift from regret to results and from self-loathing to self-correcting so that you can restore your self-respect.
“Exposes the Worm in the Forbidden Fruit”
If there’s one session I think should be mandatory for all married couples, it’s this one. Why? Because when it comes to extramarital temptations, it’s not a matter of ‘if’ you’re going to encounter it; it’s really just a matter of ‘when’ and ‘how often’. So, my goal for you in this session is to expose the hidden traps, the bait and the lure of any extramarital temptation… so you’ll be able to shun the bait rather than have to struggle with the hook.
By the time you’re halfway through your sessions, a lot of your fears about how you’re going to survive the end of the affair will be greatly reduced or totally eliminated. And once you’ve completed all five sessions in the course, you’ll notice a renewed sense of confidence, and you’re going to be surprised to learn that you have far more capacity for self-love and self-forgiveness than you ever thought before. And when these words of wisdom find their mark, they will help you shift your perception of what is possible at the end of the affair for you.
So at this point, you’ve got a decision to make. Do you want the end of the affair to be about loss so that letting go will induce a lot of drama and trauma? Or do you want it to be about reclaiming your personal power where letting go becomes about freedom?
I leave that choice up to you. Because all I can do is show you the door. You will have to be the one to walk through it. And if you’re nervous about what is on the other side of that door, don’t be, because I honestly believe that life only gets better after the affair.
How can I be so sure? I can be sure because guilt and deception are attached like Siamese twins, and guilt and happiness are exact opposites. So in other words, where there’s deception, there’s guilt. And where there’s guilt, there’s unhappiness. And the opposite is also true — a guilt-free mind cannot suffer, and only the guilt-free heart is truly happy.
Until we speak again,
While each program has been very helpful, “Graceful Exits” is astounding. It holds many clues about affairs which have helped me understand and come to grips with what has happened. I appreciate the clarity and logic Suzie offers. Suzie explains the payback and de-motivation theory so well. I now have a better depth of understanding, compassion and will apply it to myself and family. It’s as if the pieces of a puzzle are beginning to fit together.
I am sooooo loving the programs! They have helped so much! I have needed to learn to forgive and let go for most of my life! I am 41-years-old and hadn’t learned this. It is amazing and is saving my sanity! Thank you so much!! Love her voice, it's so soothing and relaxing! Anyway, wanted you to know how much I am loving these! Thank you! Thank you!
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