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GoAskSuzie.com

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Q&A About love, trust & overcoming infidelity

- Suzie Johnson, Cpc -

Affair Recovery Expert

WELCOME TO MY ADVICE BLOG!

This is a non-judgmental space for true healing and restoring happiness after infidelity. Here you ask your questions, share your story and read my advice on love, trust and affair recovery.

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Could Our Affair Be a Special Affair That Works?

Answered by
Suzie Johnson

Could our affair be a special affair that works?
Question

Dear Suzie, He promised that he’s being honest with me. I see no reason why he wouldn’t be, but I’m afraid to believe him. I really do believe he is in a no-win situation at home. Isn’t it possible that his situation is different?

Here’s the thing: A big part of the allure of an affair IS the illusion that it’s different, special, unique, and “destined to be”. In fact, I would even go so far as to say… we need those kinds of beliefs about affairs, because they help us to justify our actions.

Here’s what we know: With the belief that the affair is unique, special and “destined to be”… the affair continues. But what happens when we don’t have those types of beliefs?

Here’s what happens:

The reality of what you’re actually doing (sneaking around, covering up, hiding, waiting around, and enabling another person’s deception), and the fact that you’ve allowed yourself to become an accessory to the possible destruction of someone else’s life… becomes glaringly obvious.

This tells you that the belief in “specialness” acts like a blindfold impairing your judgment and your ability to see the true consequences of your actions clearly.

It’s time to look at this without the blindfolds.

What you have isn’t special. If it were, it wouldn’t be an affair. It wouldn’t have a dark side. It wouldn’t need secrecy, lies, and deceit to keep it going. Instead, it would be a warm, loving, honest, open, and truly life-enhancing relationship… serving the highest good of all involved. Here’s another thing you would recognize: Nobody in their right mind delays their own happiness for very long. Think about this with me. If he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that being with you in a legitimate relationship would make him happy, do you think for a second he would hesitate? I don’t believe he would. The fact is, he isn’t sure. I believe his hesitation is a big red flag. It points to the fact that you’re not his first choice. You’re not his only option. You’re not the one he can’t live without. This one glaring fact should be all you need to feel good about walking away and never looking back. End it now. This is YOUR life, and you deserve to be playing the leading lady, not just some supporting role. Here’s what we know: With the belief that the affair is unique, special and “destined to be”… the affair continues. But what happens when we don’t have those types of beliefs? Until we speak again… Remember… Love Wins!

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