Dear Suzie, He promised that he’s being honest with me. I see no reason why he wouldn’t be, but I’m afraid to believe him. I really do believe he is in a no-win situation at home. Isn’t it possible that his situation is different?
Here’s the thing: A big part of the allure of an affair IS the illusion that it’s different, special, unique, and “destined to be”. In fact, I would even go so far as to say… we need those kinds of beliefs about affairs, because they help us to justify our actions.
Here’s what we know: With the belief that the affair is unique, special and “destined to be”… the affair continues. But what happens when we don’t have those types of beliefs?
Here’s what happens:
The reality of what you’re actually doing (sneaking around, covering up, hiding, waiting around, and enabling another person’s deception), and the fact that you’ve allowed yourself to become an accessory to the possible destruction of someone else’s life… becomes glaringly obvious.
This tells you that the belief in “specialness” acts like a blindfold impairing your judgment and your ability to see the true consequences of your actions clearly.
It’s time to look at this without the blindfolds.