Here’s the thing.

After the discovery of infidelity, despite what you might think, most couples will immediately try to save their marriages – and go into what I call “rip and repair mode”. Where they rip each other apart while simultaneously trying to repair the relationship. So basically, for every, one thing they do to move forward– they do things two things that sets them back and sabotages that progress

And if you think about it – in your own case, you can probably verify whether or not this is true for you. Ask yourself, since the discovery of the affair have you seen an increase arguing attacking, condemning, and blaming each other? And it began to like your conversions have turned into interrogation, and cross examinations that are ripping you apart? but also on the other hand, have you noticed that you’ve been having deeper conversations and far more discussions than you ever had before? and having you both been seeking, reading, maybe even counseling, all as way try identifying and repair broken? If are anything like my private clients where at this stage, you can relate to much of what I am saying.

And if that’s the case – don’t despair.
Because all it really demonstrates that deep down you have a real hope, a real wish, and a real desire to save your marriage. And believe that it’s that desire that brought you here today.

But here’s the problem

Having a desire without clear process for how to achieve it, only leads to frustration. I am convinced that it’s the “frustration” brought on by too many setbacks, too many give and take backs and not enough sustained forward moment, that slowly weaken the marriage over time; and not necessarily affair itself.

In other words, It’s not lack love; not lack of desire and it’s not the lack of trying –why so many marriages end up an infidelity statistic– it’s really the lack of the right process for heal, rebuild and truly move past the pain of the affair.