Why are so many people blindsided by infidelity? Why do so many betrayed partners never see it coming? Looking back, we ask ourselves: were there signs, red flags, glaring evidence we should have seen coming? The answer is almost always: Yes and No.
Here’s why. In almost all cases of infidelity, the betrayed partner indeed has warning signs, but usually fails to recognize them in time. And what good is a warning sign if you don’t see it and understand its meaning? Not much.
Hindsight is 20/20.
When they look back AFTER the discovery, people tell me they clearly recognized a number of signs.
So, what are the warning signs, clues, or patterns that signal a partner/spouse is being unfaithful to you?
Red Flag #1: Intuition
Call it a “gut” feeling. It’s that indescribable “knowing” that something just isn’t right. There are times when you may not be able to pinpoint the cause. But somewhere around your solar plexus, you keep getting a gnawing feeling of uneasiness. Inside, you just know… something’s wrong!
“I just couldn’t shake the feeling something wasn’t right.” — MONICA R.
What’s triggering these feelings? Your intuition. I call it our “invisible” deception detection system. Our intuition doesn’t depend on logic (the conscious mind). It relies on energy and information (the subconscious mind).
The conscious mind is extremely limited in how much information it can draw from and process. However, your subconscious mind does draw from ALL available information (tone, past, patterns of behavior, body language, etc.).
So, while someone may try to convince us with logic that everything is OK… our intuition tells us the truth. In hindsight, almost 90% of betrayed spouses recalled a moment of unease — a “hunch” their partners were involved with someone outside of their relationship. This almost always happens. Why is this?
I believe it’s because… all affairs introduce deception.
Whether they’re good liars or not, the behavior of cheaters is affected to some degree. They may try to “overcorrect” by giving you more attention (spontaneous gifts, offering to do housework, etc.) or they might completely withdraw (or somewhere in between) but either way, deception “shifts” personal energy. Everyone has intuition. The more sensitive and aware a person is, the more reliable their intuition becomes.
By the way, intuition is NOT foolproof.
You should be aware of the difference between suspicion and intuition.
- SUSPICION is based on specific clues (unexplained absences, unusual phone calls, etc.). This is often circumstantial evidence.
- INTUITION, on the other hand, requires no evidence. It’s a gut feeling and is purely abstract. That’s why it’s usually the earliest warning sign you get.