Here’s a classic example of how art often imitates life.
In Hollywood, the majority of scripts that get green lighted will have what’s known as a “redemption plot”. This will be a story about two characters both of whom have made a mistake, but one character learns and finds a way to atone, right the wrong, and correct their mistakes. They’re called the hero or the heroine. The other character does the opposite — never learns, never atones and never attempts to right the wrongs. They become the villain or the villainess. I’ve noticed a similar thing often happens in the aftermath of an indiscretion where there are basically two roles that the wayward partner can play.
The first is the role of the hero/heroine…
The person who is willing to learn from mistakes, who finds ways to atone, make amends, right wrongs, and therefore gets on the road to redemption. The other role is the role of the villain. This is the character who declines responsibility for their actions, who is unwilling to learn from mistakes, who never makes any real attempts to atone, correct or right their wrongs, and so as a result, stays on that road to dishonor.
You see the challenge here — two roles after an indiscretion: hero or villain.
If you choose to play the role of the villain or villainess in the aftermath of your mistake, then I wish you all the best. You’re going to need it. However, this website (and all the resources it provides) is concerned with helping those who are interested in the redemption plot.
Most people who stray aren’t actually looking to end their marriage. In fact, it’s more likely they were hoping to spice things up. Most wayward partners aren’t actually looking for better partners. It’s more likely they’re seeking different experiences. Perhaps, most surprising is the fact that most unfaithful partners never intend for their actions to hurt their primary partners, devastate their families or disrupt their way of life, and yet that’s often exactly what happens.
There’s a huge difference between intention and impact. Now, unfortunately, it’s hard to see that difference when you’re caught up in the affair fog or intoxicated by the allure of the forbidden. And so it’s often not until it’s too late when it dawns on the wayward partner that while their intentions were harmless, the impact of their choices are not.
The social shaming, contempt and stigmas that are leveled towards unfaithful partners by our society is astronomical. And yet it’s often nothing compared to what they’ll get in private from their own partners. And so it’s no surprise that many wayward partners, when confronted with evidence of the harmful impact of their actions, will do almost anything to avoid dealing with unpleasantness. And this is why so many will continue to lie, evade, dodge, justify and even become defensive for months, and sometimes years, after the affair. And it’s not because they’re bad people, but more likely because they’re attempting to spare or lessen the discomfort of discovery.
Attempting to spare yourself discomfort in the aftermath of your indiscretions will only lead to bigger problems. For example, defending your intentions while downplaying the impact of your actions will make you look unremorseful. Any attempt to evade, deny or default on taking responsibility for your mistakes makes you look weak, and continuing to lie once you’ve been caught in a lie makes you look like a compulsive liar.
In life, everyone makes mistakes. So the only real difference between the hero and the villain is how they respond in the aftermath of those mistakes. This suggests that no matter what type of mistake you’ve made in the past, you always have a choice in the present. It’s not about who you were or what you did, but it’s about who you want to be and how you want to act in the future. And it’s exactly because you’ll always have that choice why redemption is always possible for you.
If you said yes, then here’s the way I see it.
My Wayward Rehab home study course is a 7-step video coaching course, during which I will coach you step-by-step through my specific process for winning back the love, trust and respect the affair cost you. Please note I offer no judgment on how you got here. My concern is where you go from here. Therefore, all the tips, tools, strategies and skills you’re going to learn are all designed to help you do one thing: turn this from a story about dishonor to a story about redemption.
The best part? You can access Wayward Rehab online home study video course instantly. There’s no waiting, no awkward or uncomfortable office visits. You can begin right where you are, taking it one step at a time, watch and learn from the privacy and convenience of your own home.
Inspiring forgiveness after an affair is like twirling a baton or doing cartwheels — it looks easy until you’ve tried it. So, what are the exact steps to inspire someone to forgive you? That’s a great question, and you’ll be happy to know that I’ll be teaching these steps along with other forgiveness insights that will help you go a long way toward those second chances.
See, the instant the affair was discovered, your partner’s respect for you plummeted. And once that happens, your most urgent need is to find a way to restore that respect. Sadly, there’s no brochure out there on exactly how to do that. Well, until now, because in this course, I’m going to teach you the exact words, steps and strategies you can use to recapture that respect.
Fact is, trust cannot be repaired via words, only via actions. Therefore, promising without doing is not enough. And so in this course, I’ll give you proven trust building activities you can do that will take you beyond words to actually demonstrating trustworthiness.
Although most people know that they should forgive themselves, many secretly feel they should also suffer. And so they feel guilty at the very thought of not feeling guilty. But if you don’t want guilt to eat away at the fabric of your happiness, then you’ll need to learn the steps to forgiving yourself, and that’s exactly what you’re going to learn in this course.
Here’s the thing. The opportunity to cheat is always there. It’s not a matter of if you’ll feel sexual attraction to someone outside of your marriage; it’s really just a matter of when and how you deal with it. So what are you going to do should you find yourself faced with that opportunity to cheat, or if you find yourself struggling with that desire for the forbidden again? A lot of strategies will be revealed in this course.
Your “Crash Course” in Mistake Management
This is your “crash course” in mistake management. So even if it’s way past D-day for you, it’s important that you start with this session because it’s going to lay the groundwork for a lot of the future thinking that will eventually get you out of trouble. So my goal for you in this session is to give you the tools you need to not just calm the negative backlash, but also to teach you how to intelligently respond to them.
Your Mental & Emotional Bulletproof Vest
In the aftermath of discovery, there are only two times you can expect to meet with hostility and suspicion, and that’s day and night. So my goal for you in this session is to give you the mental toughness skills and the emotional pressure-proofing that you’re going to need to stand in the storm, to sit in the hot seat, and to survive the day-to-day interrogations, suspicions and hostilities.
Your Medicine for Restoring Self-Respect
Feeling guilt after having had an affair is a bit like taking medicine after death, in that, it’s a little too late to be helpful and yet it doesn’t stop that guilt from showing up anyway. So, my goal for you in this session is to help you make the shift from regret to results and from self-loathing to self-correcting, so that you can restore your self-respect.
Your “Missing Manual” on How to Inspire Forgiveness
It often comes as an unpleasant surprise for many to discover that begging, pleading and promising usually fail to produce results. So my goal in this session is to provide you with the missing pieces of the forgiveness puzzle so that you can know exactly what it will take to truly inspire real and lasting forgiveness. Here’s a quick hint: it’s going to be different from what you’d been taught.
Your Language for Inspiring Second Chances
There’s no doubt that there are differences between male and female psychology. And perhaps there’s no more time where this is more profound than when you’re trying to win that person back. So depending on which is applicable to you, my goal in this session is to give you a crash course in the psychology of what to do, what to say, the right words, the right language and how to lower the defenses and turn the tide back in your favor.
Your Bucket of Cold Water for Inappropriate Feelings
Just because an affair is over or never got physical doesn’t mean your feelings can’t still be intense. And just because an affair is busted doesn’t mean the desire vanishes overnight. In fact, the affair fog can linger far longer than you would expect. So my goal for you in this session is to provide some powerful tools, insights, and tips that will act like a bucket of cold water on those overheated and inappropriate feelings.
Exposes the Worm in the Forbidden Fruit
If there’s one session I think should be mandatory for all married couples, it’s this one. Why? Because when it comes to extramarital temptations, it’s not a matter of if you’re going to encounter it. It’s really just a matter of when and how often. So my goal for you in this session is to expose the hidden traps, the bait and the lure of any extramarital temptation… so you’ll be able to shun the bait rather than have to struggle with the hook.
By the time you’re halfway through your sessions, a lot of your fears about how to handle yourself in this type of situation will be greatly reduced or totally eliminated. And by the time you’ve completed all the steps in the course, you’ll begin to notice a growing sense of confidence. You’ll have a new perspective on exactly what you need to do to win back love, trust and respect when you’re in the underdog position.
The best part? You don’t have to wait days or weeks to get started. In fact, you can enroll today and get immediate access to my entire Wayward Partner Recovery course and discover for yourself why so many other wayward partners have found my course so helpful in their recovery process.
I am not asking you to buy the entire program right now. What I am suggesting is that you try it before you decide, so you can discover for yourself if my approach is a match for you. Audit for only $1, so you can compare this course with other types of information and advice you may have seen and see how my course stacks up. If you find this is a match for you, then upgrade to unlock the full course. If not, there’s no further obligations at all.
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Thank you! I have sailed through ALL of the coaching sessions. They're truly amazing, and Suzie makes me feel human. Although I can’t pinpoint the why I did it, which my husband really wants to know… “it just happened”, unfortunately. We love each other so much and this just hurts. And yes, I knew in my gut and everything about me said that it was so wrong, and yet I succumbed. My husband has completed How to Survive Her Affair twice now. He can relate to the insights that Suzie speaks about how the betrayed must feel. I think it makes him feel somewhat normal too.
At the beginning of December 2013, I purchased Wayward Rehab. It's been a tremendous help in restoring my marriage. I am forever grateful for the insights. In only 2 months, my wife and I began reconciling and establishing a new marriage and fuller relationship with each other. And although we’ve made significant progress, I am interested in the entire Marriage Rehab program to continue learning from this experience, and to ensure that our relationship remains on the path of mutual growth and admiration. Again, many thanks.
Dear Bradley, Thank you for the swift reply. The 4 sessions I have listened to so far are very helpful indeed. I have read other materials about marriage, but these sessions are by far the best. The advice given is specific, practical and the relief seems to be immediate (although not yet permanent). Sometimes it feels like Suzie is talking directly to me (us). I was just looking at Repairing Trust and Inspiring Honesty. It seems to be the missing brick we need right now to rebuild our relationship. Keep up the excellent work you do. You both are truly lifesavers. My best to you and Suzie.
In other words, we all make mistakes, and so the real issue facing you is not the fact that you made a mistake. The real issue now is how you are going to handle the aftermath of your mistakes. So the way I see it…
There’s one major difference between the hero and the villain. It comes down to the difference between those people who get on the road to redemption and those who stay stuck in a cycle of dishonor, learning success or learning failure.
Here’s the bottom line.
Learning from your mistakes leads to correcting your mistakes. You can wind up transmuting your mistakes into a stepping stone towards a higher level of wisdom and maturity, but unfortunately, the opposite is also true. Failing to learn from your mistakes keeps you stuck at the level of the mistakes which leads you to making the same mistakes over and over again.
And if that’s not what you want, let me invite you to enroll in my Wayward Rehab home study course today and find out for yourself how to intelligently respond in the aftermath of this mistake, so you can get on the road to redemption sooner rather than later. And if that makes sense, I look forward to having you in the course.
Until we speak again,
Remember, Love Wins!
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