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GoAskSuzie.com

america's leading expert on overcoming infidelity

WELCOME TO MY BLOG

Q&A About love, trust & overcoming infidelity

- Suzie Johnson, Cpc -

Affair Recovery Expert
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Welcome!

This blog is a non-judgmental and Love based conversation about how to deal with the after effects of infidelity using only positive strategies. Feel free to ask your questions. I answer the most interesting and helpful questions and post my answers weekly. – Suzie

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What can I say? My life was in shambles and the slew of bad choices I had made left me empty and miserable. In trying to save my marriage, I came upon Suzie on the web, and it was as if someone had left a light on in the dark. Desperate for any help, I booked a session with Suzie. Just in that first hour, I knew I found the help my wife and I needed. It was as if she knew me. And her frankness and compassion made me feel at ease and open. More so, her philosophy and…

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Why Should I Just Let His Wife Win?

Why should I just let his wife win?

Answered by
Suzie Johnson

Question

Dear Suzie, Why should I move over and let his wife win, when I am the one who loves him and treats him like gold? I feel like we deserve to be together. Our love deserves a chance. His wife deserves to lose him. She doesn’t care about him. She treats him like dirt!

Picture this: Two friends walk into an all-you-can-eat buffet. One woman immediately joins the line and starts filling her plate with everything she wants. The second woman doesn’t join the line. Instead, she sits and waits until the other woman returns to the table and begins stealing food from her friend’s plate.

What’s wrong with this picture?

If you’re at an all-you-can-eat buffet, why would you want to steal from someone else’s plate? The same reasoning applies in your situation. When there are hundreds of men available, why go after the one that’s unavailable? That’s the million-dollar question only you can answer.

Think about it.

She got there first. She’s got him legitimately. You got there second. You got him illegitimately… so, who’s being unfair?

And if, as you say… she doesn’t love him and treats him poorly, then why is he still with her?

And here’s something else to think about:

A man who will lie (and is lying) to his wife, will also lie (and is lying) to you. How do you know that his stories aren’t exaggerated? How do you know that his complaints aren’t just another way to manipulate YOU?

Why are you so sure?

I think it’s important to recognize when a guy’s playing one woman against another.

Of course, he has to represent himself as the victim, in order to make it all seem OK. He has to appear to be the lost puppy, abused and mistreated at home. That way, he triggers the “rescue” instinct in you, so you can feel like a hero charging in to save the day.

But watch out.

You might just discover that your prince isn’t being held in the tower by the cruel wife as he makes out.

Take it from me. No marriage is perfect.

And while it’s true that many wives have taken their husbands for granted, that doesn’t mean they should be punished for it.

Let’s look from her perspective for a minute. 

Mentally put yourself in her shoes. After all, you might find yourself there one day.

Rather than being the unfeeling, cruel, woman you think she is, what if she’s just as overworked and underappreciated as the next woman? What if she has so much on her plate that she has temporarily lost sight of romance?  What if it isn’t that she doesn’t love her husband, but that her husband isn’t available for her to love?

As you decide what you should do next, remember this:

Key Insight: If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you’ll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.

And here’s another sobering reality check:

Did you know that less than 3% of wayward spouses end up marrying their affair partners? And for that tiny percentage that do, the divorce rate is around 75%. (Not very encouraging news, is it?)

Still not convinced?

Consider the following scenario.

Imagine you decided to get Lasik surgery to correct your vision, so you begin researching eye doctors in your area, and you come across a doctor with all the right credentials. But then you discover, he has a 97% failure rate. 

Would you trust your eyes to that doctor? Of course not. So, why trust your heart to someone who was has a 97% chance of breaking it?

My advice?

Never allow yourself to be anyone’s second choice. If he doesn’t like his first choice, then he needs to make a new choice. 

But that choice has to be made — free and clear — without any pressure or interference from you.

I urge you to let go now.

Put away the idea of “winning or losing.” He’s not a “prize” to be won or lost.

And one last thing…

As you move forward, please remember:

There is one thing we never get more of in this life, and that thing is TIME. So I urge you, don’t waste another precious second of your life resenting anyone. His wife has to deal with him (a cheating husband). While you (on the other hand) have actually been spared. Instead, concentrate on making YOUR life the best it can be from this day forward.

Remember: It’s never too late to become the person you were meant to be. Begin to live that dream now.
Until we speak again…

Remember… Love Wins!

 

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