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When your man’s secret life comes to light, it rips the rug out from under your feet. Regardless of how you find out, you’re never prepared to deal with it. Hence the confusion, loss of control, and pain that led you to this article.
And although I am deeply saddened by the situation that must have brought you here, I’m also ready to help.
Why This Article Was Written
This article will help you better understand how to make the emotional, mental, and psychological shift from feeling out of control, to restoring the sense of balance and certainty you had prior to finding out about his affair. You and I are going to go over some of the best insights and strategies (myself) and others have used to survive (and even thrive) after infidelity.
Fair Warning: These insights, tips and suggestions have worked for me and countless others who have traveled in your shoes. However, they’re to be viewed as pointers, not prescriptions. It’s your responsibility to sort out which ones make sense for you and discard the rest.
Are you willing to do that?
I sincerely hope you are because no one can tell you what will work for you. The most I can do is tell you what has worked for me. It will be your job to choose what you’ll do. With that said, let’s get started by taking a look at some ways infidelity affects a person’s psyche, beginning with the moment of discovery.
How Infidelity Affects Us
Stage 1: Disbelief
“No, it didn’t happen. No, I can’t believe this! This can’t be happening!” The first wave of disbelief hits you right after discovery. It’s in this state that nausea bubbles up and a sense of dread and despair sinks in. Other emotions associated with the first stage are shock, denial, fear, anger and heartbreak.
Stage 2: Resistance
Sooner or later, a woman will move from denial and disbelief into resistance. This is when she begins to bargain, beg and try to find ways to remain unaffected. (OK, maybe it did happen, but I won’t let it affect me.) She will try to pacify or make deals. (I’ll forgive him if he does x or y.) This stage also triggers the emotional roller coaster because although she is hurt, she is also trying to resist the hurt. This will cause her emotions to swing like a pendulum between bouts of hopefulness and hopelessness. The stage of resistance also brings intense desires to retaliate, punish and blame (all in an effort to resist dealing with the pain). In this stage, she might also resist help, resist good advice, resist taking care of herself, and resist trying.
Stage 3: Learning
Eventually, a woman realizes that nothing she has done so far is working, and she can no longer deny what has happened. Punishing and persecuting him is not bringing the relief she thought it would, and living with the hurt everyday is getting to be too much. This triggers the learning stage. This is the stage where most women begin to search for answers, explanations and relief from the pain. The learning stage is also when she begins the process of learning how to let go of resistance and begins a period of acceptance and adjustment. Here’s the challenge… While going through these stages are perfectly natural, sadly, many women get stuck in the first two stages for way too long. This creates a major issue. Here’s what I mean. The first two stages (denial and resistance) are also known as the victim stages. If you’re a woman who’s ever been betrayed, lied to, manipulated, cheated on, or had your trust abused by a man you loved, then you know what it means to feel victimized. And who can blame you? Being blindsided by infidelity is definitely an act of treachery.
But here's the dilemma:
After the initial moment of discovery, the longer you hang out in the victim stages (denial and resistance) the more dangerous it becomes. That’s because every day you spend in denial and resistance increases your pain, adds insult to your injury, and prolongs your suffering. This is why I believe that it’s not surviving infidelity that presents the biggest issue. The real problem is in finding the willingness to get yourself to shift from denial and resistance to that third stage — learning.
Why is it so difficult for people to make the shift from victim to learner?
Two reasons come to mind: (1) most women aren’t aware that they need to make the shift, and (2) hanging out in the victim stages of denial and resistance can be extremely seductive. These observations suggest that a certain amount of confusion exists. Now since it’s my intention to bring you as much clarity as possible, I believe it’s important for you to understand where this confusion comes from. Most likely, it’s because there are two voices in your head arguing for two very different things.
Have you noticed… from the first moment you discovered his affair, there seems to be two voices in your head trying to tell you how to handle the situation? One voice wants you to lash out, attack, hurt, punish, inflict pain and teach him a lesson he’ll never forget. But the other voice seems to be unsure and uneasy, is more hesitant, and says things like “two wrongs don’t make a right” and “it’s not the end of the world.”
When you listen closely, you’ll notice that the two voices actually sound like two attorneys arguing.
One voice sounds more like a prosecuting attorney.
This is the voice that argues for vengeance, retaliation, punishment, and finding a way to settle the score. This voice is quick to list of all his past mistakes, flaws and imperfections. It has convincing arguments for unforgiveness, contempt, and holding on to every ounce of resentment. This voice speaks loudly. It’s angry, mean, bitter, cold, harsh, unkind and merciless.
The other voice sounds like a defense attorney.
It pleads for you to show leniency and compassion, and to pause and take a look at the bigger picture. This voice brings up a list of his achievements and good qualities. It presents arguments for mercy, forgiveness, saving the relationship, understanding and courage. This voice speaks more softly. It is kind, gentle, calm and confident.
Which voice is right?
It’s obvious that both voices are trying to guide you and tell you what to do, but they’re giving contradictory advice. This is why deciding which advice is right causes so much confusion.
Many women teeter back and forth between the two voices. It’s this type of indecision that creates an emotional roller coaster. In the moments you listen to the voice of compassion, you feel hopeful, like everything is going to be OK. But in those moments that you allow yourself to listen to the voice of vengeance… you feel anger, despair and hopelessness.
The Moment of Decision
There comes a point when it’s too painful to stay on that emotional roller coaster going back and forth between the two voices. Eventually, you can no longer put off deciding which voice to listen to permanently. Every woman must choose to follow one voice (and reject the other).
This is a pivotal decision. Why? Because each voice has completely different agendas, and like oil and water, the two shall never blend. They both lead to opposing destinations.
What are those destinations?
The answer is coming up next.
Imagine for a moment that these two voices are guides for two opposite roads you could potentially take to pass through the jungle of infidelity. One voice is the guide for “the victim’s path,” and the other is “the survivor’s journey.”
Here are the two biggest differences between these two roads:
- One road is circular, and the other is direct.
- One road is popular, and the other is the road less traveled.
Can you guess which road is more popular?
You probably guessed it. The victim’s path is way more popular. The guide for this road is the voice of vengeance. Its agenda is to keep you stuck in the first two stages of denial and resistance. This is why it’s a “circular path” instead of a direct one. The survivor’s journey (the road less traveled) is a direct road out of pain and suffering. The guide for the survivor’s journey is the voice of compassion. It seeks your healing, recovery, and freedom, and tries to help you do this in as few steps as possible. This is why listening to the right voice changes everything.
So, let's recap.
When infidelity rocks your world… there are two voices trying to tell you how to handle it, which way to go, and what to do next. One voice demands vengeance; the other seeks compassion. The voice of vengeance takes you down the victim’s path and keeps you stuck in a cycle of denial and resistance. The other voice is the one of compassion which guides towards the survivor’s journey. This is where learning is the goal and recovery happens in the fewest steps possible.
Now, for the moment of truth.
Which road will you take, the victim’s path or the survivor’s journey? Remember, you can’t remain a victim and be a survivor at the same time. To embrace one, you must reject the other. And keep in mind, you can’t begin the survivor’s journey until you become willing to move past the victim stages of denial and resistance. And you can’t do that as long as you continue to listen to the voice of vengeance.
Which road will you take? The victim’s path or the survivor’s journey? Remember: You can’t remain a victim and be a survivor at the same time. To embrace one, you must reject the other. And keep in mind: You can’t begin the survivor’s journey until you become willing to move past the victim stages of denial and resistance. And you can’t do that as long as you continue to listen to the voice of vengeance.
Maybe you're wondering…
The Seduction of the Victim Stages
I believe there are three key reasons why staying in the victim stages can be seductive.
Reason #1: Feeling like a victim is a knee-jerk reaction.
Just as a first impression is hard to change, a knee-jerk reaction is equally hard to get past. When we’re blindsided, the instinctive reaction is to feel victimized. The problem here is when we mistake a knee-jerk reaction for an appropriate response, and end up being loyal to it even though it makes the situation worse in the long run.
Reason #2: Feeling like a victim feels justified.
When we can justify feeling a certain way, we sometimes mistake it for being the right way to feel. And yet, just because a feeling is justified, doesn’t mean it’s the best way to handle the situation. In the case of betrayal, it’s easy to justify feeling like a victim. (Who could blame you?) And though you can justify it, feeling like a victim will not help you recover from it.
Reason #3: The role of the victim is more familiar.
Think back to your own childhood. How did the women you looked up to handle marriage and relationship issues like cheating, betrayal and infidelity? Were they the forgiving type or the condemning type? Did they react with anger, or did they react with compassion? Which voice do you imagine they were listening to? Which path did they take? This is an important clue because the belief in being a victim can become the go-to response… not because it’s natural, but because it’s familiar.
Here’s an important thing to know:
All responses, including those in the two victim stages, are learned responses. They are coping strategies to help us deal with the pain, loss and uncertainties in life. Many of these strategies are handed down from one generation to the next. Some are functional, while others are dysfunctional.
This is good news.
Because, if we can learn one set of coping strategies, then we can learn another. And just because victim coping strategies may have been the ones you were most familiar with, it doesn’t mean they are the best. In fact, I intend to prove that when it comes to dealing with the painful emotions brought on by infidelity, the exact opposite is true. Victim coping strategies are not helpful. They are in fact harmful.
Let's look at your own situation.
If you are reading this, then I assume you are a woman who’s recently discovered some type of betrayal by a man whom you trusted. If this describes you, then there are a few things we are in agreement about.
- His actions were thoughtless, careless, selfish, and self-serving.
- What happened to you is unfair, uncalled-for, and extremely painful.
- You could probably find a hundred good reasons to justify staying stuck in victim mode.
And yet even though we agree on all that, here’s something that we may or may not agree on:
You see, I don’t believe you are the victim of his infidelity. I see you as the witness.
Let me explain what I mean by that. If this was a hit and run accident, you would not have been the pedestrian. You would have been the one in the passenger seat, and he would have been the driver. This makes you the witness and not the victim.
Just in case…
You think I might be unsympathetic, cold or distant from your pain. I must tell you nothing is further from the truth. The reality is that I am empathic and compassionate, and I genuinely understand what you are going through.
You see, I’m not just the facilitator of this website, I am also a wife who once stood exactly where you are standing today. I have walked that dark, lonely road of hurt and humiliation, with anger, fear, and uncertainty dogging my every step. I, too, have awakened from a night of nightmares to think, “Boy, am I glad those were just bad dreams”… only to realize the nightmare wasn’t a dream but my life. And it’s because I have walked this road that I can speak to you with both compassion and honesty about what works and what worsens the situation.
I have made all the wrong turns and several of the bad decisions. So, like a good friend, I’m doing my best to help you avoid them. This requires not letting you go down a useless path or chase after meaningless goals, no matter how seductive they appear to be. And it also means telling you the truth, whether you are ready to accept it or not.
Still feeling some resistance? Don’t despair.
From this point forward, I intend to prove to you beyond the shadow of a doubt that every day spent in the victim stages of denial and resistance is a day spent in hell and hate. I will show you why taking advice from the voice of vengeance is like taking money from the mafia — it’s going to cost you far more than what it’s worth. I fully intend to expose the whole victim idea as a fraud.
Let’s begin that process now.
Fraud #1: Powerlessness
One of the calling cards of the victim’s path is powerlessness, because as a victim, you must deny your power. Victims deny their power by saying to themselves: “I can’t deal with this,” “I will never get over this,” and “This is too much for me.” By denying your power, you have to give up any control you have over what happens next, and you have to surrender any responsibility to get on with your life.
Why do victims deny their power?
Here’s my theory: I think it’s in the hope that if they make themselves appear powerless, they can persuade someone else to save them.
Here’s the missing key:
You can deny your power, but you cannot make it go away. So, just because you tell yourself you can’t do something, doesn’t make it true. The reality is, you are more powerful than any circumstance. You must own your power in order to make it work for you (and not against you).
Fraud #2: Unearned Guilt
Here’s what happens: When your world is rocked by infidelity, the “knee-jerk reaction” is to assume that somehow, it’s your fault. You think things like, “If only I had been a better cook, lost weight, had sex more frequently, this would not have happened.” You find yourself wondering, “Was it because I’m not cool enough, pretty enough, or young enough?” The list goes on and on.
What’s happening here?
A tragic misfortune is what’s happening. Because what she’s doing is denying the fact that he is 100% responsible for his choices. By attempting to share the blame, she takes on a tremendous amount of unearned guilt.
Here’s the missing key:
The choice to cheat is always an individual choice. No woman can make a man cheat, and if a man truly wants to cheat, no woman can stop him either. This is because we all have free will. So, to take on guilt for someone else’s choices would be a poor choice indeed.
Fraud #3: Anger Wins
Because the victim’s path leads its followers deeply into resistance, that resistance bubbles up to the surface as anger. It’s just a matter of time before she projects that anger onto whoever is around her. This is why victims are often compulsively angry, bitter, petty, and mean to themselves and others.
Here’s the missing key:
Anger makes you unkind, and being unkind makes you feel guilty, which of course triggers even more anger. Can you see what a never-ending loop this is? This is why using anger to win is like drinking seawater to quench your thirst. It never will.
Fraud #4: Martyrdom (If I Suffer, I Win)
One night, while walking home from her office, a woman is attacked by thugs. She is stabbed in the back, and left bleeding. The good news is that it’s only a flesh wound, but it’s deep enough to hurt like hell. More good news: The knife is embedded high in the upper regions of her back so that with a little effort, she can still reach back and pull it out herself.
But the woman in this story decides not to help herself. So instead of reaching up and pulling the knife out of her own back, she leaves it there and continues to walk home. Soon others notice the knife in her back. Someone offers to remove it. But she says, “No, leave it there; I want everyone to see how I suffer.” A cab driver rushes to the scene and offers her a ride to the hospital. But she says, “No, I am going to take my time getting there.” And although she grows weaker with every step and getting lightheaded from the steady loss of blood, the woman refuses help and refuses to help herself. When asked why, she says, “Because my suffering is my vengeance.”
Welcome to martyrdom, the twin sister of the victim. The martyr says, “Look what you have done to me; you have killed the happiness, the goodness, and love in me. And because of you, I lay here bleeding.”
Rather than healing and moving on, she chooses to make her hurt a symbol of her partner’s guilt. She looks for ways to crucify herself over and over again, hoping the picture of her so broken and wounded produces great pain for her perpetrator.
Here’s the missing key:
You never crucify yourself alone. Every time you crucify yourself, you must call a witness, be it your children, your partner, your family, your friends (and yes, even your therapist). Although the martyred picture you present might produce pity, guilt, compliance or change in the short term, in the long term, it always backfires. That’s because you can’t win by making yourself out to be the loser.
Fraud #5: War Restores Power
The victim’s path is the path of retribution, payback, and vengeance. The battle cry is, Attack! Attack! Attack! The strategy? Find the most hurtful way to get even. The justification? He started it. He did it first. With this logic firmly in mind, the victim feels justified in taking an eye for an eye, in returning hate for hate, and fighting fire with fire. The result? The house, the bedroom, the backyard, the car, and even the marriage counselor’s office all become war zones. Victims retaliate aggressively with anger, arguments, screaming, and shouting, or they use passive-aggressive tactics like stonewalling, silent treatments, and pettiness. The victim’s life becomes one big war zone, and everything becomes a battle for power and control.
The missing key:
There’s no safety in a war zone, because attacks (justified or not) always lead to counterattacks… which lead to war. And power struggles don’t restore power; they create competition, turning partners into opponents. This is why there are no winners in war — only survivors.
Fraud #6: Our Thoughts Can Punish Others
While the victim voice urges us to some irrational things, I would probably say one of the most irrational things it whispers is the idea that we can punish others within our minds. It tries to convince us that if you think hateful, hurtful thoughts about them, and it tells us, if we fantasize about revenge or withhold forgiveness, those thoughts will somehow cause them pain.
Here’s the missing key:
No thought leaves the mind of the thinker. Whatever you hold in mind, you do unto yourself as well. Therefore, painful thoughts do not punish others. They punish us.
Fraud #7: Resisting What Happened Makes a Difference
Remember I told you how the victim path is circular? This is because it keeps you repeating the same patterns, recycling the same pain, and reliving the past over and over again. But to what end? Well, that’s the biggest seduction of them all. The voice of the victim tries to convince you that by reliving the hurt and keeping the past alive in your mind, it gives you the power to change or influence the past.
What this tells you is that the victim’s secret wish is to find a way to undo what happened. Therefore, they spend so much mental and emotional energy wishing it didn’t happen, wishing she could just make it all go away, and wishing things were different.
Classic signs of resisting what happened are:
- Insisting this shouldn’t have happened to you (and yet it has).
- Wishing you could change things back to the way they were (and yet you can’t).
- Wishing it would all just go away (and yet it won’t).
- Wishing you could change something in the past (an impossible goal).
- Burying your head in the sand (and yet, that changes nothing).
Here’s the good news and bad news…
Bad news first: The victim is like a bird that keeps flying into a sliding glass door. The question is, how many times must it slam into the door, before it realizes it can’t pass through it? The answer is: who knows? But obviously, the sooner the bird recognizes this truth, the better off it will be.
Reality (the past) is like that sliding glass door. The victim is like the bird that has just come up against it. Reality says the past is permanently gone. It can’t be changed or influenced in any way. Obviously, the sooner we get this insight, the better for us. The good news: No one has to keep hitting her head against the glass door once she recognizes it will never yield the result she wants. What this means is that the instant you truly accept the reality that nothing you do can or will change the past, you’ve now put yourself in a position of power.
Here’s the missing key:
To resist something that has already happened is painful. This would be like trying to unscramble an egg or return a baby to the womb. Not only is it not possible — it goes against the laws of nature. You cannot undo the past, but what you can do is learn to use the information to change the future.
I’m going to let you in on a secret
(one you already know). Although you have no power to change the past, you do have tremendous power in the present. This awareness changes everything.
Fraud #8: Forgiveness is a Sign of Weakness
The victim’s approach to forgiveness is simple: Don’t. This is because those in the victim stages fear that forgiveness will be perceived as condoning a wrong, passiveness, or that it’s okay for people to walk all over you. Therefore, in the eyes of the victim, forgiveness is some kind of favor that must be earned. And even if they do bestow this favor, it’s always conditional. Therefore, the victim never actually forgives. What she does is suppress. She buries the hatchet, but she marks the spot, reserving the right to dig it up again and again.
This also tells us: In the eyes of the victim, withholding forgiveness shows strength. It shows pride. It shows power. But is this really true? Does withholding forgiveness from the man who betrayed your trust really demonstrate power and strength? Does it really bring justice to the situation? I’m not convinced it does.
What’s the missing key?
Well, here it is: Forgiveness is actually for you. That’s because when you forgive, it’s you that benefits the most (not the offender). It’s like opening the doors to a prison cell and setting a prisoner free, only to discover the prisoner is you.
So, why is there so much resistance to forgiveness? I believe the main reason is because most people don’t truly understand what forgiveness really is.
Let’s clear away some of that confusion right now.
The word forgiveness comes from the ancient Aramaic language. It means to cancel, as in cancel a debt someone owes you. Using it in this context, let’s think about forgiveness in modern terms.
Let’s say a girlfriend owes you $1,000, and she either refuses to pay it back or she’s just not able to pay it back. You have two options. Option One: You could keep carrying her debt in your mind for years, thinking about what she owes you, and the resentment would only grow. Option Two: You could simply cancel the debt. When you cancel a debt, it means the person no longer owes you anything. You wipe the slate clean. It’s as if the loan never happened.
What else happens when you cancel a debt? You guessed it. The weight is instantly lifted off your shoulders. Your expectations return to neutral. Your resentments disappear. Your anger fades away. Your life returns to normal.
This brings us to a very important question.
Where Does Forgiveness Come From?
True forgiveness is inspired and motivated by love. If you try to forgive to satisfy any emotion (other than love), then that is not true forgiveness. It’s merely a form of denial or suppression (false forgiveness).
Side Note: Those stuck in the victim stages never achieve true forgiveness. The most they can do is offer a pardon or give the offender a temporary stay of execution, but the victim always reserves the right to withdraw her forgiveness and call in that debt again.
Here’s the really good news: Truly forgiving him brings you so many rewards and benefits, you won’t be able to count them all. Forgiveness is a gift that keeps on giving. It doesn’t just bless you in one way… it blesses you in all ways and for always.
Make a True and Irreversible Decision to End the Affair
True forgiveness is the ultimate self-esteem enhancer.
Unforgiveness drains self-esteem because it is rooted in hate, and those who hate others must experience hate themselves.
Therefore, by forgiving, you increase your self-esteem because those who forgive must love themselves enough to want to be free.
Forgiveness is the best revenge.
When pride has been hurt, the ego demands satisfaction. With forgiveness, rather than losing face, you gain power over the situation.
Rather than becoming a hostage to hate, you are freed by love. Rather than crumple, you thrive, because with forgiveness on your side, no weapons can prosper against you.
Forgiveness puts you under grace.
Mahatma Gandhi once said: “When I despair, I remember that all through history, the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it — ALWAYS.”
There’s no doubt that Gandhi took the survivor’s journey through life. He was able to overcome impossible odds and do things people said would never be done. How did he do it? He was able to do this because he responded to injustice not with anger, but with forgiveness. He responded to hate not with fear, but with love. He restored peace not with gunshots, but with peaceful ideas. He responded to wrong actions not with wrong actions, but with right actions.
This is why he was able to move mountains. This is why he was able to do what everyone said could not be done. And when you respond with forgiveness to your partner’s injustice, you are doing the same thing.
Forgiveness aligns you with love.
Once you align with forgiveness, you automatically align with love.
And since love is the strongest power in the universe, you also align yourself with a team whose thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and strategies always win.
- Love is stronger than betrayal.
- Love is stronger than fear.
- Love is stronger than doubt.
- Love is more powerful than hate.
- Love never fails.
Forgiveness reveals the lessons.
In life, the lessons don’t go away until you learn them. You could trade partners, but you don’t trade problems. Whether you stay with him or break up, you still will have to learn how to forgive, or you stay stuck in victim land forever. The sooner you forgive, the faster you get out.
Think about it this way:
Imagine you were a newborn caterpillar. Surviving meant eating, so the first few days, you simply ate, although you had no idea why you were eating so much. And then one day, you felt very sleepy and lay down for a nap, only to feel this hard shell begin to enclose you, trap you, and encase you. You didn’t understand it, and you didn’t know why. You found yourself locked in a very dark place for a very long time, where the world as you knew it slowly disintegrated around you.
If you were a caterpillar looking at this experience from a victim’s point of view, then what is happening to you “shouldn’t be happening”. It would feel wrong, unfair, and you would feel very alone and very afraid. Maybe thoughts would be racing in your mind like, “The world is ending! It’s over! I’m never going to be the same!” As a result of this kind of resistance and negative interpretation, the caterpillar’s cocoon experience would feel more like a death than a journey.
But what if you’re looking from the loving point of view (survivor’s)?
Well, you might feel some similar emotions, but you wouldn’t label them as wrong or bad, and you wouldn’t argue or say this shouldn’t have happened. Instead, you might ask, “What is this for?” And you would be comforted by knowing that everything that was happening was happening for you and that in the end, love wins.
And then one day, a miracle happens.
The real reason for the dark journey is revealed, and the caterpillar learns that everything that was happening happened for its growth… that the universe isn’t cruel. It simply has a way of doing things that caterpillars don’t always understand… that in the end, LOVE wins because caterpillars become butterflies.
The bottom line?
The choice to forgive… the choice to face change creatively, rather than fearfully… it’s a choice to open yourself to a higher learning and a higher meaning.
Forgiveness leap-frogs you forward.
If we analyzed the steps on the path of infidelity recovery, they might look like this:
Denying → Resisting → Learning → Forgiving → Surviving
The key is to notice there’s no true recovery without forgiveness. So while it’s extremely tempting to stay in the victim phase, it’s not wise. In fact, the sooner you make the transition from the victim phase to the forgiveness phase, the sooner you move away from pain and suffering.
Still feeling some resistance?
Don’t despair because even if right now some part of your mind still resists the idea of letting go, that’s okay. At some point, you’ll be ready because it’s not a matter of IF you will make the shift, it’s only a matter of when. And the cool thing is that once you make the shift from “victim of life” to “student of life”, you will discover that the same part of your mind that you used to build resistance becomes the part that helps you survive. My goal is to inspire you to make this shift much sooner than later.
What’s the key to make this shift?
It’s to always remember that… although you cannot change what happened… what happens next is in your hands.
Here’s a classic Zen story that demonstrates this point:
A young man caught a small bird and held it behind his back. He then asked, “Master, is the bird I hold in my hands alive or dead?” The boy thought this was a grand opportunity to play a trick on the old man.
If the master answered, “The bird is dead,” he would let it loose into the air. If the master answered, “The bird is alive,” he would simply wring its neck. The master spoke: “The answer is in your hands.”
The same is true for you.
Regardless of what life throws at you, be it betrayals, disappointments, loss, bad luck, misfortunes, or unpleasantness, what happens next is always in your hands. You always have much power in any situation. This means that when it comes to moving forward, YOU are the one in the driver’s seat.
Let’s do a little thought experiment.
As you read the following paragraph, ask yourself: “What if…”
What if… out of the ashes of his betrayal, I am able to experience a Phoenix of rebirth? What if… from my own struggles to overcome this difficulty, I gain a level of wisdom, compassion, and understanding that changes me for the better? What if… the divine is using this experience as a wake-up call for me to reach my true potential? What if… this is exactly the experience I need to grow through in order to go from being a caterpillar in life, to being a butterfly?
As impossible as it might feel right now, if you find you can do this for even one second… you’ve opened the door for a miracle.
I believe just the fact that you’ve read this much on a website like this, is a very good sign you are ready to heal. It means you must be ready to make a shift. It tells me that intuitively, you recognize truth, and you want to be on the side of good.
I admire that.
And if you’d like to take your journey (beyond reading) to actually practicing and doing the things you’ve learned here, then I suggest you download and listen to my coaching 6-Steps to Betrayed Recovery home study program. In it you will find a session called Survive His Affair where I coach you through the actual steps to overcoming many of the obstacles you face, and give you some of my best strategies for handling the painful emotions brought on by infidelity.
Whatever you decide, I have faith it will be the right choice for you. And whatever path you take from this day forward, I wish you all the best.
Until we speak again…
Remember… Love Wins!