FORGIVING INFIDELITY 101
In this infographic style article - I am going to share the seven most important I believe every spouse needs about forgiving their unfaithful spouse– from a place of power.
If you’ve tried to forgive and failed… if you want to forgive a cheating spouse, and yet you just can’t seem to do it… then chances are one of seven things are standing in your way.
INFOGRAPHICS IN THIS ARTICLE
SEVEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW
ABOUT FORGIVING INFIDELITY
TRUE LOVE WITHOUT FORGIVENESS IS IMPOSSIBLE
No gift of love has been more misunderstood than forgiveness. It may seem unfair to ask you to forgive the person who hurt you, lied to you and disappointed you so badly. I am fully aware of that. However, keep this in mind. Forgiveness isn’t logical… it’s about love. And like love itself, it cannot be earned, bought, bargained or forced — it can only be inspired. So what on earth can inspire you to do something as difficult as forgiving a cheater? Only one thing… True Love. Therefore, the real miracle is not forgiving, but loving someone enough to forgive.
Depending on the type of love you have, forgiving your partner will be the easiest (or the hardest) thing you’ll ever have to do because love without forgiveness is like a bird without wings — it has a very limited range. Forgiveness is the “what” that gives ordinary love the wings that lift it up beyond limits, beyond ego, beyond pride, and even beyond the understanding of most people. So when friends and family say they can’t comprehend how you could even think about forgiving them… smile because True Love does surpass all understanding.
FORGIVING INFIDELITY IS NOT DIFFICULT, BUT IT IS DIFFERENT
It may surprise you to know this… but dirty socks left on the floor has the same potential to ruin a marriage as an extramarital affair. Why? Because unforgiveness is at the root of most relationship problems. The challenge is that, most of us don’t recognize this simple truth. Forgiveness is not the question… it’s the answer. It’s not the problem… it’s the solution to the problem. Until we are able to separate the truth from the myths about forgiveness, we spend our time avoiding the very thing we are trying to find.
Ask not to learn how to forgive. You already know how to do that. Instead, simply ask that the obstacles to forgiving be removed from your mind, thereby restoring to your awareness the many moments of love, appreciation and gratitude you have felt in the past towards your partner. It’s those memories that can help to open your heart — allowing forgiveness to return more naturally.
THERE'S NO SUBSTITUTE FOR TRULY FORGIVING
Sadly, there’s a lot of counterfeit emotions often mistaken for forgiveness. For example, every time you bury the hatchet, you find a way, reason, an excuse or a trigger that causes you to dig it back up. If this has happened to you, don’t despair. Every attempt to forgive — even those that fall short — takes us closer to actually forgiving. In other words, there’s no wasted effort, but there’s also no substitute for truly forgiving either. So, how many times and how many attempts to forgive should you make? Answer: as many as it takes.
Suppressing, denying or justifying is not the same as forgiving. Suppressing is like swallowing a ticking time bomb; forgiving is like deactivating the bomb. And keep this in mind. When you truly forgive your partner, you’ll experience a sense of freedom, release and relief. No other emotion can replace that feeling. So don’t settle for anything less than your total and complete freedom from pain… because nothing else will make you happy again.
TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS... EXCEPT UNFORGIVENESS
There are many things that time heals, but unforgiveness isn’t one of them. In my work, I’ve come across partners who — even after five, ten, even twenty years after an affair — have still not forgiven their partners. I have even met a woman whose husband was dead… and she still was bitter about what he did. The point here is that unforgiveness (bitterness, hostility, contempt, hate) has no expiration date. In other words, you could carry a grudge all the way to the grave… and no one can stop you. But it might be wise to stop and ask yourself… if time will not heal unforgiveness, then what are you waiting for?
Forgiveness waits on your decision… not on time. Keep in mind that while you’re waiting on time to decide, you’re also losing your own time and energy to bitterness and anger. So why put off your own healing? Time is not the deciding factor — YOU are. Remember, time will never give you permission to do anything… only you can do that. And since you’re the only decision maker, I would suggest you make the decision to forgive sooner rather than later.
FORGIVING IS A PROCESS OF “REMOVING” RATHER THAN “ADDING”
If infidelity were a fire, then forgiving would be the fire extinguisher. One of the important things that a fire extinguisher does is to remove the oxygen from the air. Without oxygen, the fire naturally goes out. The process of forgiving a cheating spouse works much the same way. It’s really more about removing the obstacles to forgiving, so the unforgiving feelings naturally go away.
Forgiveness is not about doing… it’s about undoing. It’s not about learning… it’s about unlearning. It’s not about adding anything… it’s about clearing away the obstacles. Do this and you’ll be surprised how quickly forgiveness happens. For some, it happens instantly. For others, it comes more slowly but surely.
FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU
One of the biggest misconceptions about forgiving infidelity is the idea that it’s a favor you do for them. This isn’t accurate. When you consider that no thought ever leaves the mind of the thinker, you begin to realize that every unforgiving thought you allow to linger… remains trapped in your own mind. And all those contemptuous thoughts punish you, the angry thoughts sour you, and the hateful thoughts drain away your happiness. And this is why it’s so often said… “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” So, is there any good news in the midst of all this? Surprisingly, there is because the opposite is also true. Since no thought leaves the mind of the thinker, this means that loving, compassionate and forgiving thoughts heal you right away. They rejuvenate you and restore your peace of mind.
At first, it may be hard to believe, and yet it’s true. When you forgive them… you win! Why? Because it’s what allows you to find (and stay in) that peaceful place at the eye of the storm. Think of it this way. Forgiving them doesn’t prevent the storms from raining on your dreams. But what it can do is place you at the “center” of those storms, so you can stand there in peace… even in the midst of all the chaos and confusion swirling around you.
ABOVE ALL... FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE
Do you know the definition of a miracle? It’s been described as having a shift in perception. It’s also been called an “insight” or receiving an intuitive flash. Oprah calls them “Aha! moments”. I believe that anything that restores your awareness to the fact that you have the power to choose (or to go against) forgiveness qualifies as a miracle because the way I see it, the real issue here isn’t whether or not you can forgive them — of course you can, you’ve done it many times before. And it’s not even about knowing how to forgive because we’re all born with forgiving hearts. The real issue is that most of us are unaware that forgiveness (and unforgiveness) is a choice. Both of these choices are simply two different ways of coping with the unfair things that happen in our lives. So the real question you must ask yourself is this. “Which is the better choice for me?” And while you think about that, I want you to also consider this. The choice to forgive moves you forward, and the choice not to forgive keeps you circling backwards. So when you really break it down… this is really a question of direction, isn’t it? Forwards or backwards? These are your choices, and the choice is always yours to make.
The Key Decision
You’ve come that place in the road where you must decide which way to go from here. If you choose to stay on the unforgiving road, sadly, you can expect things to get worse before they get better. Because the unforgiving road is harsh and merciless to those who embark on it. And so, the information that I am going to share next will little or no interest to you.
However, if you choose to take the forgiving road…
Then I take my hat off to you, because when it comes to dealing with infidelity… forgiving is certainly most often the road less traveled, and yet it’s also the only road that leads you out of all the pain and suffering.
And if taking the road that leads you out of pain and suffering makes sense to you – then you are going to benefit greatly from what the masterclass I am about to share with you.
Introducing my masterclass
Forgiving infidelity and releasing pain
Forgiving Infidelity & Releasing Pain
This is my most popular masterclass for one simple reason:
it combines wisdom, logic and compassion into 6 actions steps that makes forgiving a true
and authentic experience for you.
DON’T UNDERESTIMATE ITS POWER AND EFFECTIVENESS
of taking this masterclass
Just because I am presenting this information as an online video masterclass, don’t underestimate its power and effectiveness. Because the forgiveness process and pain releasing strategies teach in the class have emerged from nearly two decades of successfully helping others just like you forgive infidelity
when you take my masterclass…
• you won’t be getting “generic” forgiveness advice.
• you won’t be learning from book theory. (perish the thought!)
What you will be getting instead is a masterclass that’s jam-packed with Situation-specific forgiveness strategies, tips, secrets, nuances and techniques for true forgiveness, proven effective with people who are being asked to do the one thing they never thought they would have to do: forgive a cheating spouse.
And this is why I can honestly say…
MY CLOSING THOUGHTS
Very few things have the power to hurt like infidelity. And yet, if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life tied up in emotional handcuffs, chained to the past, feeling bitter, angry, mistrustful and filled with resentment – then you know you’ve got to find a way to move past it.
So basically, at this point have two options:
As you consider that – consider this
The next month is going to come and go regardless of whether or not you do something about hurt and the pain and hurt you’re struggling to forgive. And, since the affair has already happened and there nothing you can do change the past.
The real question is this: Where do you want to be a month from today?
Do you want to still be struggling with the pains of the past, or celebrating your newfound freedom from them? Even though the logical choice is obvious, the answer (as always) is up to you. Because while you can’t change the past, you can learn how to forgive and that changes your future for the better.
And if forgiving them – still feels impossible to you right now,
keep this in mind…
Forgiving is a lot like honey. If you’ve never tasted honey, I could sit here and type pages upon pages telling you all about honey. In fact, I could use the most descriptive words to explain it. I could even draw you a picture of it. But none of that would mean anything — because until you’ve tasted honey for yourself, you’ll have no idea how sweet it really is.
And experiencing true forgiveness is like that first taste of honey. And Until you have truly forgiven – you have no idea what is really means.
My hope for you? You find a way to taste the freedom of forgiving them, for yourself.
Until we speak again –
Remember love wins