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What to Do When You Suspect Infidelity

Currently, a Google search on “infidelity” shows 6,790,000 results on this topic. 

Chances are, you’ve probably read a good amount of “How to tell if your spouse is cheating” or “What to do if you suspect your spouse is cheating” articles.

You will find that this one is a little different.

My approach to detecting, preventing and surviving infidelity is a bit unusual by most so-called conventional standards.

First things first…

Everyone is innocent… until proven otherwise.

Suspicion is NOT proof. Finding “clues” and NO proof is circumstantial at best. And as reliable as your intuition may be, it’s still NOT proof.

Circumstantial “evidence” isn’t enough to convict in a court of law, and it shouldn’t be enough to convince you either.

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make against their spouse is accepting “suspicious behavior” as proof of unfaithful behavior.

Jumping to conclusions or allowing the jealousy demon to whisper in your ear will only torture you.

The key is to stay calm and stay in the present. Like any good police detective, you have to be patient — to watch, wait and observe. You have to become the “lead detective” in your own life. 

The only way to achieve this kind of rational observation is to keep seeing your partner AS innocent, until proven otherwise. Sometimes it takes time for the truth to reveal itself. Trust in this process and know that you’ll be okay either way.

Expect the best, while preparing for the worst.

Most people do just the opposite. 

They don’t prepare at all. 

They just expect to find the worst and jump ahead of everything. The secret is to reverse this order of importance. Expect the best behavior from your partner. Expect they’re behaving honorably behind your back. Expect they’re keeping their promises. Expect they want to live impeccably, and TELL THEM this is what you see and expect in them.

I’ve seen this work wonders in many relationships! 

Even when a spouse may have been tempted or thought of being lured into temptation, they find themselves wanting to live up to their partner’s trusting “vision” of them.

Acting contrary to this image of impeccability no longer feels right. 

Also, by doing this, many wayward partners have broken down and confessed to some kind of infidelity — be it emotional, physical or otherwise. This kind of self-directed admittance is always the best, because the chances of healing and making a breakthrough are substantially higher.