search
Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Search in posts
Search in pages
testimonail
articles
Filter by Categories
All Articles & Blogs
Podcast

Suzie Johnson, cpc

Marriage coach & Affair Recovery expert since 1999

sidebar-suzie-img

WELCOME!

This website is designed to be a two-way conversation. Where you can ask questions, read or listen to my answers, advice and insights about love, trust & overcoming infidelity.

homestudy
VIDEO COURSES

WORK WITH SUZIE

Testimonials

I WILL DEFINITELY BOOK SOME MORE COACHING WITH HER

It was a great session I had with Suzie, more than exceeded my expectations and was of great help. Thank you very much for organizing this and I will definitely book some more coaching with her.

donna,

an Affair Partner

Rebuilding Your Marriage After Infidelity 101

Answered by Suzie Johnson

Updated:

WELCOME TO REBUILDING YOUR
MARRIAGE AFTER INFIDELITY 101

In this info-graphic style article - I'm going to share the 7 steps every couples must take for rebuilding a marriage after infidelity & how to make it ever more infidelity proof.

This article is my crash course on the 7 most important steps you’ll need to take for rebuilding your marriage after infidelity, how to make it even more infidelity-proof, along with some suggestions that will get you started. If you’re part of a couple who has had a recent indiscretion and you have decided to stay together, then I highly suggest that after reading these steps, you share this page with your partner.

As usual you can use the jump menu to go directly to an info-graphic or you can read along as your own pace.

SEVEN STEPs TO

REBUILDING YOUR MARRIAGE AFTER AN AFFAIR

1

REMOVE THE OBSTACLES TO REBUILDING

Did you know? Almost 40% of marriages rocked by infidelity end within 24 months after discovery… and not because couples didn’t try to rebuild, but mainly because they fail to remove one or more of these four obstacles to rebuilding: unforgivness, hostile communications, dishonesty and the fear of trusting again. So what ends up happening is that the couple spends their time and energy rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, instead of watching out for the icebergs. But that doesn’t have to be your story. Because rebuilding your marriage after infidelity is a process, and that process has to be taken in order. And your first priority is to remove the obstacles that could end up sabotaging your reconciliation and rebuilding efforts.

Obstacles To Rebuilding
Obstacles To Rebuilding
Do This
EMBRACE TRUE FORGIVENESS

Rebuilding a marriage without forgiveness is impossible; it would be like building a house without first pouring the foundation… because forgiveness is what lays the groundwork that all your rebuilding efforts depend on. So as far as I’m concerned, removing the obstacle of unforgiveness should be the first order of business, followed by the other three obstacles.

2

REPAIR THE DAMAGE

Infidelity is like an earthquake because of how hard it shakes and rattles the foundations of a marriage. So before you can make it safe to return to love again, you’ll need to repair the damage it causes in four key areas: trust, communication, boundaries and honesty. Let me explain. Because infidelity is based on deception, it erodes trust and honesty, and a relationship without trust is like a heart without a beat. So, job one, if you ask me, is to begin to repair the trust and increase the honesty between the both of you. Another thing infidelity does is that it violates the exclusive boundaries of marriage. Once boundaries are violated, it’s like having a broken window — you won’t feel safe until that window is repaired, so it’s important for you to close ranks as a couple, to cocoon each other until that feeling of security and exclusivity returns. And last but not least? You’ll need to repair the damage to the communication lines between the two of you.

Key Areas To Repair
Key Areas To Repair
Do This
EMBRACE TOTAL TRANSPARENCY FOR THE NEXT 90 DAYS

What is transparency? It simply means living your life as an open book for each other to see and verify. Is it easy to do? No. Is it worth doing? Yes. Here’s what I want you to do (three ways you can embrace total transparency): (1) Transparent Communications: Give your partner access to all of your communications (including email accounts, passwords, etc.); (2) Transparent Actions: Allow your partner to see and verify your actions and activities; and (3) Transparent Feelings: Be honest about how you feel and what you’re thinking. Don’t take my word for it. Test transparency and find out for yourself how it can help repair a lot of the damage infidelity left behind.

3

LEARN THE LESSONS

Sometimes, the role of something is to be like the grain of sand in an oyster — it’s there to create such an irritation that it will cause us to grow into our greatest potential. I believe that this experience could be one of those things. Because in life, there are no mistakes, only lessons… therefore, even that which begins in a trial can lead to a transformation so astonishing, we end up appreciating it (although it put us through such pain). So what’s the secret of turning frustrations and irritants into diamonds and pearls? The secret is to learn from them and to let that learning take your relationship to the next level… so you come out on the other side of this a better, stronger couple than you were before.

Lessons Learn From Infidelity
Lessons Learn From Infidelity
Do This
ASK YOURSELVES: WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM THIS?

And do it without, guilt, blame or shame. Simply try to extract the lessons from the experience. For example, once you learn that love doesn’t make you immune to temptation, it will cause you to be more vigilant when you find yourself being allured or being drawn into compromising situations. Or, once you recognize that infidelity isn’t the problem — it’s the symptom of the problem — then you can begin to look for the deeper cause that leads to the indiscretion. And once the real issues are uncovered, they can now be corrected.

4

(RE) DISCOVER WHAT “RELATIONSHIP HAPPINESS” MEANS TO BOTH OF YOU

How do you define relationship happiness? More importantly, how does your partner define relationship happiness? While you think about that, think about this: Only four things create 90% of relationship happiness — they are love, trust, open communications and sexual happiness. And yet, no universal formula or recipe for relationship happiness exists. It’s a highly customized and very personal experience. For example, how you define sexual happiness might be radically different from your partner… what makes you feel loved may not be the same thing that makes another person feel loved… and very few things make this painfully obviously like a brush with infidelity. So rather than become bitter, I suggest you take this opportunity to rediscover what relationship happiness means to each of you.

4 Keys To Relationship Happiness
4 Keys To Relationship Happiness
Do This
CREATE A RELATIONSHIP HAPPINESS MAP FOR YOUR PARTNER

You can write a list, draw a pie chart, or put together a mix tape — get as creative as you like. Here’s what I want you to do: Define and describe what you need, wish and desire in those four key areas. For example, you could say, “love means being appreciated, it means feeling recognized”… or, you could say, “having open communications means being able to talk about anything.” You get the point. Do this for all four areas and then take the time to discuss (without judging) each other’s interpretations, wants and desires.

5

UPGRADE YOUR RELATIONSHIP SKILLS

This is something that’s sometimes confusing for couples, because we assume that love is all you need to ensure relationship success. But that’s like saying air is all you need to live. Because Love is like air, it’s essential to life, but not enough to live on. The fact is, a successful marriage — like parenting — requires both love AND skill. The challenge is that we can love automatically; we’re not born knowing how to love skillfully — it’s a skill we learn and develop. Sometimes, I talk to couples and I can hear the frustration in their voice when they can’t understand why a partner can love them and not be able to love them skillfully. And I say to them, it’s like saying, how can a person know English but not know how to write beautiful poetry?

Relationship Skills 101
Relationship Skills 101
Do This
COMMIT TO RELATIONSHIP MASTERY

Make a commitment to learn how to love skillfully. This could mean going to marriage workshops, going to marriage counseling, reading self-help books, or interviewing and talking to other couples about what it takes to create and sustain relationship happiness. The bottom line is to recognise that there’s a difference between loving and loving skillfully.

6

EMBRACE THE BEGINNER'S MIND

Do you know why honeymoon destinations are among the happiest places on earth? Because all the couples you meet are glowing with love, hope and eager anticipation. They’re open minded and curious about each other. The future is ripe with possibility and bright with opportunity. They have what the Buddhists would call “the beginner’s mind.” This is a mindset that is free from cynicism, doubt and negative expectations. It’s a mind that is curious and, perhaps most importantly, open to learning. And as far as I’m concerned, embracing the beginner’s mind IS the real turning point in the rebuilding effort after infidelity. In fact, I don’t consider a marriage to be truly out of the woods until both partners embrace this concept.

Schedule Your Next Date Night
Schedule Your Next Date Night
Do This
GO SCHEDULE YOUR NEXT DATE NIGHT

Go buy tickets to a live event, go hire a babysitter, go book a weekend getaway. Why? Because romance never spontaneously renews itself… it’s a lifetime commitment. And passion is like fire — without attention, it grows cold… (that’s the bad news). The good news is, like fire, it can also be rekindled until it’s red-hot again. The way you rekindle passion and keep the romance red-hot is by embracing the beginner’s mind — this means you never, ever, stop dating each other. You don’t see yourselves as just husband and wife, but as lifelong lovers… so that even 10, 15 or 35 years together, people should see you together and think, “Oh, they must be newlyweds!”

7

SHIFT YOUR APPROACH TO MONOGAMY

Did you know? Almost 40% of marriages rocked by infidelity end within 24 months after discovery… and not because couples didn’t try to rebuild, but mainly because they fail to remove one or more of these four obstacles to rebuilding: unforgivness, hostile communications, dishonesty and the fear of trusting again. So what ends up happening is that the couple spends their time and energy rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, instead of watching out for the icebergs. But that doesn’t have to be your story. Because rebuilding your marriage after infidelity is a process, and that process has to be taken in order. And your first priority is to remove the obstacles that could end up sabotaging your reconciliation and rebuilding efforts.

Passive Approach Vs Passionate Approach
Passive Approach Vs Passionate Approach

The Key Question

ASK YOURSELF: WHICH WAY IS RIGHT FOR YOU?

Do you want to rebuild your marriage following the same old rules of passive monogamy (most common) or are you willing to rebuild and redefine your approach to monogamy?

I suggest you take a few moments to pause and really consider that question.

Because as Albert Einstein once said – the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result, and so if you don’t want history to repeat self then you’ll not only need to remove the obstacles to rebuilding, but you will need to make the right adjustments to how you rebuild your monogamy as well.

And if doing all that, makes sense to you then – you are really going to benefit from what is coming up next. Because in a few minutes I going to introduce you to my Marriage Rehab masterclass collection for couples – which is design help you you’re your partner overcome the obstacles to rebuilding, but also help you make the right change in how you approach monogamy.

MY APPROACH TO REBUILDING A MARRIAGE THE RIGHT WAY AFTER AN AFFAIR

After spending nearly two decades coaching couples through the process of saving, healing and rebuilding their marriages after an affair, part of what I have come believe is that couples who end up stronger after infidelity, get there by design (not by default), and while I do believe infidelity is a deal-breaker, I also believe that with the right approach it can become an opportunity for to make a new deal.

The challenge?

But that’s doesn’t have be your story.

INTRODUCING:

Rebuild YOUR marriage

Couples Online Recovery Workshop

Explore Rebuilding Your Marriage After Infidelity Masterclass

My Rebuild Your Marriage Online Workshop

is the online version of the exact same comprehensive processes I personally developed
(and have been using for 17+ years)
to successfully guide couples back to love, trust and happiness after infidelity.

They are all online, so you can access them instantly – from any device, anywhere, any time
(no waiting or scheduling needed). Explore my Marriage Rehab here

DON’T UNDERESTIMATE ITS POWER AND EFFECTIVENESS

Because, the tools and strategies I teach in these masterclasses are not from book theory. They come from me working with real couples just like you. Over the years I have cultivated a powerful “affair recovery tool kit”. After years of testing and tweaking, I only included everything in this course that works and left out anything that failed to work.

It’s like an all-star team.

    There no fluff in this collection– you will only learn practices and strategies actually proven to put the odds of a successful recovery (and beyond) in your favor.
    Every module is jam packed with my absolute favorite strategies, tips, secrets, nuances and techniques. I didn’t include these because I like them, but instead because they have been “field tested” to actually work. And they continue to prove themselves… day in and day out.

And so…

…if you want to be one of those extraordinary couples who instead declining after infidelity, it is instead thriving, thereby confounding your enemies and delighting your friends…

And if…

…you are one of those contrarian type personalities who enjoys defying the odds and overturning the rules and expectations…

Then…

You’ll find my Marriage Rehab masterclass collection for couple – right up your alley. Because these classes take you through a multi-sensory and multi-layered experience, that will totally change the way you think about what’s possible for both you.

And, I strongly believe…

And perhaps most importantly…

I believe No other course creator is as dedicated and committed as I am… to making the same proven tips, tools, strategies and secrets… that have been used by other successful couples who are thriving again… available to the general public. You can learn more about my Marriage Rehab collection here.

Overcoming Infidelity Expert Suzie

MY CLOSING THOUGHTS

By now, I have faith that you’ve gotten a lot of the information needed to begin the jounery to rebuild a stronger, more passionate marriage after infidelity. And I have a feeling that as logical and as intuitive as you are, perhaps by know already know something you want to do and some changes you want to make.

Because, wouldn’t it be nice…?

If at some point in the future… maybe five or ten years from today… you both find yourselves strolling along some exotic beach… loosely holding hands and bathed in the warm glow of the evening sun… as it settles down over the horizon… and reminiscing on how far you’ve come… and how much closer you’ve grown as a couple… and how much stronger the Love and enjoyment has gotten… despite all of the setbacks and struggles and heartaches it to took get here…

…and how instead of the adversity becoming the worst thing that ever happened – it become the best-worst-thing that ever happened to you?

And if that a future you’d like to see – then me be the voice that reminds both of you that with the right tools, strategies and right approach to rebuilding your marriage –having that future is still possible for you.

Until we speak again…

Remember… Love Wins!

Suzie Johnson

P.S. Here are some ways I can help you rebuild your marriage:

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!