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Damage Control 101

Question

Hi Suzie, My wife just found out about my affair. She’s told me never to come back to the house and that she doesn’t want to ever see me again. I’m scared out of my mind. I don’t want to lose my family, but I’m not sure what my next move should be. What should I be doing now?<

I’m sorry to hear about your situation; however, you’re not alone. By the end of the day, thousands of extramarital indiscretions will be exposed around the world. Only a few wayward partners will confess. The majority will be caught red-handed. Unfortunately, when people get caught cheating, they usually panic. As you can imagine, panic is not necessarily conducive to handling a crisis correctly. Here’s something else you should know: Once you’ve been caught cheating, there are basically only two options open to you.

Your Two Options

You can continue using the same strategies that got you in trouble and hope they will get you out of trouble. If you take this option, keep in mind that continuing to do what got you into trouble in the first place is exactly the type of thinking that leads you deeper into trouble.

Gambling addictions are a great example.

According to research, one of the biggest reasons why gamblers get into trouble is because the addict has a mysterious predisposition to continuing to gamble when losing. For example, say the gambling addict is down $1,000 playing slots. Now, rather than cutting his losses and walking away… the addict does something remarkably stupid. He keeps gambling. He thinks since he’s already lost $1000… the odds say he’s now even more likely to win $2000. Obviously, the odds of winning are NOT in his favor, and anyone who doesn’t have a gambling problem can clearly see how illogical this approach really is. But alas, the addict’s mind never makes the connection and will continue thinking this way until disaster is complete.

Today, you face a similar option.

When you get caught cheating, you can continue to use the same strategies that got you in trouble; in fact, many wayward partners do. Rather than limiting their losses, they continue to lie, manipulate, deny, and deflect — hoping the same dark art strategies that led them to cheating in the first place will get them out of trouble after they’re caught. Not only is this type of thinking illogical, it’s actually very dangerous (more on why later).

Here’s your second option:

You can use a completely different approach.

Once you make the intelligent observation that the thinking that led you into trouble in the first place could NOT possibly be the thinking that will lead you out of trouble, then you’ll begin to look for another approach. But just in case you haven’t made that connection yet, here’s something else to consider:

What do you know about your situation for sure?

Well, you know that your past thinking and behavior led you into trouble (fact). And if this type of thinking led you into trouble, then you must ask yourself: can this thinking be depended upon to lead me out of trouble? The common sense answer is no. It’s so obvious to most that if the old thinking got you into trouble, then it will take some new thinking, new approaches, and new strategies to get you out of trouble.

Which option will you take?

That’s totally your call.

If you decide to go with Option #1 — continuing to use the same strategies that got you into trouble in the first place — then this website and all its contents will not prove very useful to you.

same thinking that creates-problems does not solve them Einstein quote

However, if you’re open to Option #2 — trying new strategies and approaches to handling the trouble you’re in — then you’ve come to the exact right place.

FAIR WARNING: What follows is my crash course on how to best manage the negative effects brought on by your mistakes. You and I are going to cover few of the most basic (and yet crucial) what-to-do’s and what-not-to-do’s for anyone who has wandered across the line between fidelity and infidelity… and got caught.

Keep in mind as you read:

I offer no judgments… just effective strategies and insights.

While I do believe depending on cheating, lying, and manipulating others — in order to get your own needs met — are immature tactics. I also don’t believe such tactics call for punishment. I believe instead that they call for correction. With that said, let’s get right to it.

A Crash Course in Damage Control

What Is Damage Control?

I borrowed the term from corporate America. What it speaks to is a collection of strategies that companies use to limit the impact of a mistake, crisis or disaster.

What YOU should know about damage control:

Damage control consists of two parts.

  • Part A: What to do
  • Part B: What not to do

Both are extremely important. Here’s why. In the aftermath of infidelity, what you don’t do can have as much impact as what you do (sometimes even more).

In this article, I’m going to give you a crash course on Part B: What NOT to do. I call this the Seven Deadly Mistakes. The reason they’re so deadly, in my opinion, is because so many of them are knee-jerk, instinctive reactions. Chances are you’re doing some of them right now (without even realizing it).

Click to the next page and let’s go over each one…