Dear Suzie, I just can’t seem to say no to him. I feel like I have no will of my own. I feel like such a worthless person for letting this happen. I used to be one of those people who were against this kind of thing. In fact, I despised women who got involved with married men. I felt they got what they deserved. How did I let this happen to me?
You may have been humbled, but you are not worthless.
Remember: There’s a big difference between being a bad person and making a bad judgement. When it comes to sexual emotions, attraction and temptation, we’re all vulnerable. No one is immune. Therefore, it’s not our job to judge or condemn (especially when the person who’s fallen short is us).
Let me ask you, can you be willing to lift the harsh judgment and contempt?
Here’s why I ask. Until you do, thoughts of the affair will continue to control you.
Here’s what I mean.
All of that judgment, contempt and self-loathing you’ve been directing toward yourself doesn’t do you any favors. In fact, all it’s doing is lowering your self-esteem even more.
Here’s the kicker:
People with lowered self-esteem are more easily controlled.
Why is this true?
Well, I believe it’s because they constantly seek validation and approval from others.
Don’t take my word for it.
Think back over the affair for a moment.
Did you crave his time and attention? Did you long for signs of his approval and affection? Did his desire for you make you feel better about yourself? If you notice these things, chances are better than good… you’ve been witnessing lowered self-esteem at work.
But it doesn’t stop there.
Lowered self-esteem is often a cover for something even scarier. (What’s scarier than lowered self-esteem?)
Lack of self-love.
What usually happens is, somewhere along the line, you stopped loving yourself, then unconsciously transferred that responsibility to someone else. Unfortunately, this never works because no one can love you enough to substitute for loving yourself. And it’s the search for love surrogates that lead us into situations that lower our self-esteem.
So the question becomes…
What is your self-esteem worth to you?
To find out, ask yourself these three questions:
- Can your self-esteem be bought for a thrill or a “slap and a tickle” every now and again?
- Can your self-worth be traded away in the heat of the moment?
- Are you prepared to compromise your principles in order to ward off loneliness or fear?
These are questions that every woman must answer (regardless of whether she’s in an affair or not).
Every woman must reach that point on her own… where she realizes that her self-esteem is simply NOT FOR SALE, trade, or barter.
She must learn that her self-esteem is priceless. It’s a gift only she can give herself.
Why is this important?
Key Insight: Happiness without self-esteem is impossible.
It’s a beautiful truth. Healthy self-esteem is the doorway to happiness.
It’s time for you to take back your power. Repair your self-esteem. Go after what truly makes you happy.
The first step is for you to forgive yourself, and it’s also the most loving thing you can do for yourself right now.
Until we speak again…
Remember… Love Wins!