Dear Suzie, He swept me off my feet. He made me feel things I never thought I would ever feel. Because of being with him, I discovered that romance is very important for me. I almost wish I had not discovered this part of myself again. It was buried for so long. And my worst moments are when I begin to listen to that stupid voice in my head that says now that he’s gone, I will never experience that romance, attraction, desire and passion again. I get down and desperate when I think these things like I will never be kissed again or I will never make love like that again. It’s very hard when I have days like this and remembering the pain of saying goodbye. What do I do when the voice in my head tells me I have walked away from the biggest love of my life?
Facing the vacancy and the empty spot left behind at the end of the affair is the scariest part for most people. The fear of loneliness, the fear of never feeling this way again, the fear of loss, the withdrawals, and the pain of saying goodbye, has a way of stirring up grief and anxiety. About the voices in your head, here’s an interesting observation: If you’re the one listening to the voice in your head, then who’s the one talking? This is an important question, and here’s why:
Thoughts (voices in your head) can be random, spontaneous, and irrational. Just because a thought or a voice is in your head, doesn’t mean you have to obey it or that what it says is true.
Think about it this way…
You can visit the Grand Canyon, and the thought might occur to you, “What if I jump in?” Does that mean you should do it? (Not at all.)
We all have lots of thoughts that are irrational, distorted (crazy), far-fetched, illogical, and foolish. The content of our thoughts is not usually under our control.
However, the decision about which thoughts to believe (and act on) IS under our control.
Now, back to your question.
What should you do when those desperate thoughts (voices) start chanting their doom and gloom verses?
Here’s what you do:
Question them. Ask, “Is that really true? Can I really say, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I’ll never experience a legitimate romance again?”
When the thought occurs, “What if I have just walked away from the biggest love of my life?”
I suggest you question that thought. Ask yourself, “What if I have walked away from the biggest mistake of my life?”
Here’s what you’ll discover:
When you question irrational thoughts, they don’t stand up. If you can’t be sure that a thing is true, then there’s as much chance it’s a lie.
Now, you have to ask yourself…
…why is that voice so sure? What makes it the authority in your life? What does it know of your future? Your potential? And why are you so quick to believe what it says? Is that the voice of God speaking to you? If you can’t be sure, then don’t be too quick to accept its predictions as gospel. Sounds to me like it’s the voice of sabotage, more than the voice of success.
You’ll need to watch out for that kind of voice. It has a way of distorting and twisting reality. One of its favorite tactics is convincing listeners that what is right is wrong, and what is wrong is right.
That’s why you must question the negative voices in your head.
Check its predictions against your sense of integrity and honesty. Ask yourself, Is this true? Can I be sure that what this voice is telling me is absolutely true? If you can’t be 100% sure it’s telling the truth, then don’t be so quick to believe.
It’s your decision.
Are you willing to limit your future based on random negative predictions? Or are you willing to leave the door open for a legitimate, romantic, passionate relationship to come into your life? The choice is yours. And now that you’ve ended the affair, you certainly have the time and space to welcome such a relationship, don’t you?