Can Your Marriage Survive an Affair?
Can marriage survive infidelity? This is up to you and your partner. Today, your relationship is at a turning point. Infidelity can be both a crisis and a crossroad. You owe it to each other (your families and yourself) to sit down (without blame) and have a real frank, heart-to-heart discussion about your situation.
WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?
To me, “relationship happiness” isn’t random or accidental. I don’t believe that soul mates are made in heaven. I believe you create relationship happiness right here on earth.
Is it Possible for a Marriage to Move Past Infidelity?
In order to see your marriage survive infidelity, there are two kinds of recovery that will occur in: Personal Recovery AND Relationship Recovery.
The fact is… infidelity can lead to “a relationship breakup” or “a relationship breakthrough” to a deeper level of intimacy. In terms of successfully recovering after an affair, it’s all up to you. Right now, it may feel like your relationship will never recover. Don’t believe it. It’s not true. However… you must be willing to do what it takes.
And you should be aware…
Couples who get counseling, coaching, or support during an infidelity crisis do better (emotionally, mentally and physically) over the long run.
Many people confuse getting help with admitting failure. This is simply NOT true. It’s more like asking for directions when you’re not sure where you’re going.
Looking for the tools that will get you where you want to go is a smart choice. In a time like this, getting help may very well be the best choice for you to get some clarity and control in your life.
Now ask yourself…
WHAT ARE YOUR BEST REASONS FOR STAYING?
Lean in and listen closely.
There are really only TWO reasons to stay: Love and Willingness.
LOVE is the greatest motivator for healing a broken relationship, and nothing is impossible to a willing heart. If underneath all the pain, hurt, anger, rage, fear, and defensiveness, you “sense” there’s something here worth fighting for… if you know in your heart they are worth it, and you want a life with them, and they want a life with you … Love will not let you down.
You must BOTH be willing to:
- Grow from the experience (rather than give up)
- Learn from the experience (rather than be in denial)
- Trust again (despite all reasons not to)
What you Need for a Successful Recovery:
- The decision to let your experience
- pull you closer together rather than tear you apart
- The decision to focus your energy on accepting each other versus “fixing” each other
- Commitment to do whatever it takes to rebuild trust, intimacy and honesty
- Willingness to learn how to create and sustain a relationship that fulfills BOTH partners
Here’s a key insight: relationships are like books. They are for learning (mostly about yourself). That’s why relationship success comes to those who are “learning-motivated” and relationship failure comes to those who are indifferent to learning.
YES, it’s as simple as that. How could it not be?
My Approach to Infidelity
My approach can be summed up in these eleven words: to forgive is to heal… to heal is to make happy.
Our Relationship Recovery Process includes:
- Learning Forgiveness and Designing Amendments — Forgiveness is the first door to reconciliation, healing and recovery. It’s both the technology and the remedy. Take this step, and every other step gets easier. Amendments are the key to avoiding disappointments and future resentment. They must be made each time promises or agreements are broken. I teach couples the best ways to inspire forgiveness and create sincere “win-win” amendments that increase trust and security, while continuing to develop deeper levels of intimacy.
- Creating Radical Honesty and Rebuilding Trust — As we all know, trust can’t be earned. It’s a gift that is given out of one’s free will. Once broken, radical honesty is the bridge that rebuilds a solid foundation of trust once again. I show you how to create a space for honesty without fear of censure. I teach you three of my most effective trust-building exercises that give you the tools to use when you need them. (This session is a master key to preventing future affairs)
- Improving Communications — Everyone knows how to talk. But most couples don’t know how to communicate the things they truly want to say in a way that they feel heard and understood. I teach women the secret language of men, so she’s able to relate to his natural communication style. Then, she’s better able to connect with him in ways that he hears and understands. I teach men the secret language of women, so he’s able to touch her heart and inspire her understanding, while making her feel safe, secure and appreciated. I teach couples my step-by-step techniques and strategies for handling (even the most difficult) misunderstandings, events, and situations.
- Creating Healthy Boundaries — Infidelity usually occurs in relationships where personal and/or relationship boundaries are either too weak or too rigid. Before a relationship can experience TRUE recovery, it’s important for both partners to learn about boundary issues. I help partners (individually) create, communicate, and enforce a healthy personal boundary. This empowers each person to take full responsibility for his or her emotions, thoughts, and feelings. I show couples the right way to define, design, and agree on healthy relationship boundaries. This gives the relationship the room it needs to evolve into a more fun, free and powerful relationship — for BOTH PARTNERS.
- Creating and Sustaining “Passionate Monogamy” — What is Passionate Monogamy? Simply put: It’s the feeling of being satisfied with one person. It’s what I believe to be both the prevention (and the cure) for infidelity. If you have ever had the unfortunate experience of infidelity… Passionate Monogamy can help you prevent it from happening again. If you have been fortunate to have never experienced infidelity… Passionate Monogamy can help you ensure things stay that way. Passionate Monogamy is my patented passion-building process that teaches committed couples how to ignite more passion and keep the fires burning for a lifetime of love, sex, and romance — with one partner. Passionate Monogamy is all about designing the relationship of your dreams so you’ll have so much fun in the relationship you have, you’ll feel no desire to go outside of it.
When the Student Is Ready
Life sends us everything (and everyone) we need in the instant we need them. Infidelity doesn’t call for punishment. It calls for better understanding, more insight, and most importantly … love. This isn’t so much a process of learning as it is a process of unlearning. It’s not a new discovery — just a rediscovery of what is real. This is a path of rescue and recovery. You will find there are no new truths to be discovered… only errors to be exposed.
Here’s the beautiful truth:
LOVE is a decision — not just a feeling. It’s a noun AND a verb. It’s not something you “get” or “give”. It’s what you ARE. The choice to love again isn’t a risk. It’s a choice to be happy. Are you willing to rebuild an even stronger relationship? Yes? Then rebuilding trust is A MUST.