search
Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Search in posts
Search in pages
testimonail
articles
Filter by Categories
Affair Partner Q & A
Affair Partner Video Q & A
Betrayed Partners Video Q & A Blog
Betrayed Spouse Q & A
General Affair Recovery Q & A
General Affair Recovery Video Q & A
Wayward Partner Q & A
Wayward Partners Video Q & A Blog
search
Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Search in posts
Search in pages
testimonail
articles
Filter by Categories
Affair Partner Q & A
Affair Partner Video Q & A
Betrayed Partners Video Q & A Blog
Betrayed Spouse Q & A
General Affair Recovery Q & A
General Affair Recovery Video Q & A
Wayward Partner Q & A
Wayward Partners Video Q & A Blog

GoAskSuzie.com

america's leading expert on overcoming infidelity

WELCOME TO MY BLOG

Q&A About love, trust & overcoming infidelity

- Suzie Johnson, Cpc -

Affair Recovery Expert
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin

Welcome!

This blog is a non-judgmental and Love based conversation about how to deal with the after effects of infidelity using only positive strategies. Feel free to ask your questions. I answer the most interesting and helpful questions and post my answers weekly. – Suzie

Ask Me

Your question

 

TOP VIDEO COURSES

RECENT POSTS

TOP FREE DOWNLOADS

» SURVIVING BETRAYAL

Free Survival Guide

» OVERCOMING YOUR AFFAIR

Free Guide

» SURVIVING BETRAYAL

Free Survival Guide

reviews

What can I say? My life was in shambles and the slew of bad choices I had made left me empty and miserable. In trying to save my marriage, I came upon Suzie on the web, and it was as if someone had left a light on in the dark. Desperate for any help, I booked a session with Suzie. Just in that first hour, I knew I found the help my wife and I needed. It was as if she knew me. And her frankness and compassion made me feel at ease and open. More so, her philosophy and…

Mathew C. (USA)

subscribe

to my bl0g

How Can I Trust a Cheating Woman?

Answered by
Suzie Johnson

Question

Thank you for the opportunity to serve. After reading your email, I was deeply struck by your courage and willingness to work things out. It seems to me that the core of your question is whether or not you made the right decision.

Here are my insights:

Remember the old acronym, H.A.L.T. (hungry, angry, lonely and tired)? Well, the rule of thumb is to never let yourself get too lonely, too angry, or too tired. Why? Because in these states of mind, our egos tend to be more vulnerable to temptation.

It seems to me that your GF has been lonely. This made her more vulnerable to outside attention (this can happen to anyone of us). So, what can you learn from this?

Well, I believe this is a pointer, that your GF has some growing up to do. So, part of what would be helpful to her is to learn how to be “alone” without being “lonely.” How to be her own best friend, create a positive social network, and become more involved in more things that make her happy — outside of you and your relationship. All of this would add to her self-esteem and help her handle your time apart better.

Something else to consider:

When betrayal happens in a love relationship, the pain is indescribable. I know you’re a tough guy, so maybe you’ve been able to sweep most of it under the rug. But you can’t deny there’s heaviness in your heart and a cloud of uncertainty that surrounds even the tiniest things you do right now.

This is all very normal. Getting over this kind of betrayal, disappointment, and “let-down” is a process. So please go easy on yourself. You love her. You know you do, and at the same time, you’re not fully able to let go and love her with the same kind of trust and innocence you used to.

Why is that? Because the “indiscretion” changed everything. The “bad” news is… there’s no going back to the way things “used to be”. But then again, maybe this isn’t actually “bad” — because in your scenario, the “bad news” is also the “good news”.

What does this mean?

So, things are never going to be the same again, but if you think about it, you don’t really want them to be the same again anyway. The reason? If you go back to the way things were, all that will do is get you exactly what you got before… and that’s exactly what you’re afraid of.

My suggestion?

Begin couples’ counseling for both of you, and maybe life coaching for her. There are underlying issues that led to the “rut” in the first place. She needs to learn some coping skills to help her tolerate loneliness if she’s going to be with a Navy man.

The bottom line:  Your relationship needs a new road map. You have to learn from your mistakes so as not to repeat them. That’s the only way to ensure your future does NOT recreate the past. For more help on this, read my article Intro to Passionate Monogamy. I believe you’ll find it very helpful.

What TO READ NEXT?

RELATED POSTS

NEXT STEP?

BETRAYED RECOVERY
online video course
LEARN HOW TO OVERCOME BETRAYAL WITH YOUR
PRIDE AND SELF ESTEEM INTACT
*Instant coupon available for a limited time

Ask suzie