GoAskSuzie

affair recovery Guides

My guide to

rebuild your Marriage

THOUSANDS HAVE FOUND A WAY TO REBUILD A BETTER MARRIAGE.

(AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOU HOW THEY DID IT.)

B

efore I get into the details…
Let me share with you some interesting facts about what it takes to produce a good bottle of wine.

WHEN GRAPES GO WILD

You may or may not be aware of this, but when left to grow wild, grapevines are not very orderly plants. In fact, left to their own devices… they have been known to crawl up any tree, wrap themselves around any branch and are pretty much willing to attach themselves to any forest shrub. And as a result of having so much freedom, so many choices and little or no guidance, wild grapevines produce mostly sour grapes and make very poor wine. However, thousands of years ago, the first viticulturists discovered some remarkable things about grapevines… many of which at first glance would seem totally counterintuitive.

Four key things they learnt

Boundaries
matter

When you plant grape vines close to each other, the close proximity causes each vine to compete sexually and to grow bigger grapes.

01

Loss leads to growth

In the wine making world, nurturing the vine means cutting off 90% of each plant’s upper mass during its dormant period. Why? Because the loss causes the plant to redirect energy to healthier parts of the vine. This reinvigorates the upcoming year’s new growth. Therefore, the most loving thing the vintner does is prune.

03

Adversity helps

Because when you make the vines struggle for water and resources, they will send their roots deeper into the soil and will become more sturdy and resilient plants in the process.

02

Restraint produces excellence

Here’s the thing about grapevines. When given unlimited freedom, the overall quality of the grapes suffer, so pruning the vines is essential to producing great wine. It causes the vines to conserve energy and to concentrate their flavors, which in turn produces higher quality grapes.

04

BOTTOM LINE?

A lot of wine making success comes from doing counterintuitive things because whenever you grow grapevines without limits, boundaries or restrictions (even in near-perfect environments), at best you’ll produce mediocre vines, and at worst, you’ll end up with nothing but sour grapes.

But on the other hand…

When you’re willing to prune them hard and crowd them with close neighbors… when you’re willing to introduce some adversity and make things challenging for the vines… by restricting water supply and by making them struggle for nutrients and resources… then your vines will do something remarkable. They will begin to focus and concentrate their efforts on reproducing themselves sexually, which means stronger vines and better flavored grapes — the kind needed to produce not just good wine… but excellent wine.

SO WHAT DOES ALL THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR SITUATION?

Well, as it turns out, attempting to rebuild your marriage after a brush with infidelity gives you a lot in common with winemakers than you might first think. The reason? In both cases, being successful is often the result of doing counterintuitive things.

Let me explain what I mean…

Place a couple in a near-perfect environment (where every desire is readily met and every comfort and convenience is flawlessly accommodated) and give them total freedom (no boundaries, no limits and no expectations), and instead of creating the “paradise on earth” that you’d expect, what you’re more likely to end up with is a sense of entitlement at worst, and a lifestyle of boredom at best. (Surprised? I’ll tell you why in a minute.)

But instead of making it so easy…

Introduce some creative boundaries to the relationship… give that couple problems to work on, challenges to defeat, decisions to make, obstacles to conquer, conflicts to resolve, and introduce them to adversities and uncertainties that will require them to learn how to work together to overcome… and what you’ll end up with (somewhat counterintuitively) is a couple whose relationship dynamic is richer, stronger, more and more emotionally satisfying than if those things were absent.

AM I SAYING THAT ADVERSITY IS GOOD FOR A MARRIAGE?

No, that’s not what I am saying…

What I am saying is that adversity is inevitable. Every couple has to face adversity. Those couples who are willing to work together to learn how to overcome adversity… and those couples who are willing to do things that are sometimes counterintuitive… are usually the ones that wind up creating the kind of relationship many of the great love songs have been written about.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.

Those couples who are unwilling to cooperate during times of adversity and those couples who take the stereotypical approaches to solving problems (and dealing with challenges) oftentimes end up with the type of mediocre relationship that has littered the road of infidelity.

I believe that facing adversity is not the real problem.

In fact, when approached correctly… learning how to overcome and rebuild your marriage after infidelity can actually become a wonderful growing opportunity. I only say that because I know it to be true. It was true in my marriage and it’s been true in a high percentage of the couples with whom I’ve worked privately over the past 15 years. So the real problem (in my humble opinion) is that many couples take the same old approach, bring the same attitudes, beliefs and rules (many of which contributed to vulnerability of the marriage in the first place) to rebuilding the marriage. And so rather than the adversity becoming a relationship improvement opportunity for those couples, it ends up becoming the slide to demise and decline.

YOU MIGHT ASK... WHAT'S IMPORTANT ABOUT ALL THAT?

Well, here’s the connection. The number one thing couples say they want the most (once infidelity has rocked their relationship) is for things to “return to normal”. They want things to be the same as it was before the indiscretion occurred. Do you realize what this means? You probably already guessed it. It means that for the most part, they will go back to doing the same things, living the same way, following the same script, the same rules, and the same model and map of marriage as they had before. The result? Well, according to the latest statistics… that’s not promising. Approximately 80% will fail to thrive.

FOUR THINGS EVERY COUPLE

NEEDS TO CONSIDER AFTER INFIDELITY

01

Minimum efforts won’t work

When it comes to rebuilding, it’s going to take maximum efforts to get the job done.

02

You must go beyond

Go beyond repairing to redesigning the relationship rules and dynamics so that it’s more temptation- and affair-proof than before.

03

Making it “as good as it was before” isn’t enough

The goal now must be to make it “better than before”.
And perhaps most importantly…

04

If you change nothing, then nothing changes

In other words, if you bring the same philosophy, beliefs and approach to rebuilding the marriage as you had before, then you have the exact same odds of history repeating itself.

01

Minimum efforts won’t work

When it comes to rebuilding, it’s going to take maximum efforts to get the job done.

02

You must go beyond

Go beyond repairing to redesigning the relationship rules and dynamics so that it’s more temptation- and affair-proof than before.

03

Making it “as good as it was before” isn’t enough

The goal now must be to make it “better than before”.
And perhaps most importantly…

04

If you change nothing, then nothing changes

In other words, if you bring the same philosophy, beliefs and approach to rebuilding the marriage as you had before, then you have the exact same odds of history repeating itself.

TIME FOR A REALITY CHECK

Once a marriage is rocked by infidelity, it will never be the same as it was before — it can’t be. But that’s not bad news. In fact, it’s really good news! Why? Because, when you think about it… if you were to go back to the way things were before this all happened, then you would be putting yourself right back on a similar collision course that got you where you are today. Does that make sense?

So here’s what I want you to do…

Perish any thought (and dance on their collective graves) that the relationship you used to have was “so special” or “so perfect” that it can’t be upgraded. I want you to banish any feeling that you can’t have a better, more passionate, more loving relationship with more open and honest communications than you had before… because you can!

HERE'S THE BEAUTIFUL TRUTH

While infidelity is a deal breaker, it’s also an opportunity to make a new deal. This means, however, that you have to get to a different, better and more rewarding model of marriage and relationship than you had before.

And if having that makes sense to you…

Then I’d like to spend the next few minutes giving you a brief intro to Happiness After Infidelity marriage rebuilding home study online course for couples, and tell you about how it works, what makes it unique and what you can expect — all with an eye towards helping you determine whether or not this couple’s marriage rebuilding course would be a suitable approach for the both of you. Let’s begin by exploring what Happiness After Infidelity for Couples is all about.

LEARNING CHANGES EVERYTHING

(INTRO TO MY Happiness After Infidelity couples HOME STUDY COURSE)

What is Happiness After Infidelity?

Happiness After Infidelity is my 21-step home study course for couples, during which I will coach you and your partner towards gaining the skills, insights and strategies you need to heal, overcome and redesign your marriage so that it’s better and stronger than ever before.

My goal for you

To help you rebuild a better marriage — one where you upgrade your level of love, trust, communications and sexual happiness… so that years later, you can look back at the pain and hurt you guys went through and honestly say, “that was the ‘best-worse thing’ that ever happened to us.”

The purpose

To help you rebuild a better marriage — one where you upgrade your level of love, trust, communications and sexual happiness… so that years later, you can look back at the pain and hurt you guys went through and honestly say, “that was the ‘best-worse thing’ that ever happened to us.”

The benefits of taking this course:

While other marriages end in divorce… you rebuild a marriage that’s even stronger.
While other marriages start to slip and decline… yours is thriving.
While romance fades for other couples… yours is renewing.
While other couples are starting to drift apart… you and your spouse are drawing closer.
While for other couples, love is slowing down… your love is heating up.

My Role

In a way, my function is a lot like that of an orchestra conductor. While the conductor doesn’t actually play the music, his or her function is to awaken the power within each and every musician, so they play to their fullest capacity.

I see my role in the same way.

As your coach, my job is to awaken the possibilities within you and your partner, to strengthen your motivation to go for more, and to inspire a more beautiful vision of what’s possible for each of you as individuals and the two of you as a couple. I promise to show up 100% in this capacity.

THE KEY QUESTION

By the end of your Happiness After Infidelity course, you will know the answer to the most important question you could ask yourself as a married couple: What allows us to create a marriage which is authentic, romantic, passionate and infidelity-free for life?
HINT: Once you and your partner discover the answer to this question, you will no longer have to “endure”, but rather you will learn how to truly enjoy your married life together.

And the best part?

it's 100% online, SO IT'S SUPER EASY TO ACCESS FROM ANY DEVICE... ANYTIME, ANYWHERE!

No more in-person appointments. No more driving across town or feeling embarrassed. Now you are taking your recovery into your hands… on your timeline. Whenever you feel ready or you feel like you need some advice… Suzie’s is always there. Play your course over and over… as often as necessary.

And just in case you're still hesitant.
here are 10 more good reasons to consider
my Happiness After Infidelity online course for couples:

And if any of these reasons strike a chord with you… then I believe my Happiness After Infidelity couples home study online course is worthy of your consideration… because who knows just how good it can get for you?

FINAL THOUGHTS

THE GOOD NEWS IS...

You don’t have to take that road. You don’t have to stay in the same patterns, routines and old ways of being together that made your relationship vulnerable to extramarital temptations in the first place.
If you wish it… this disaster could also become the doorway to a better, different and far more rewarding marriage and relationship than you had before.

Can this really be done? Yes, it can. How can I be so sure? I can be sure because I’ve done it myself in my own marriage. And what’s more, I’ve helped countless other couples do it as well.

So, the real question facing you right now… is not whether or not it’s possible to rebuild a better marriage after infidelity (of course it is).

THE REAL QUESTION IS

HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR STORY TO END?

  • Will your love age like a fine wine or will it end up like sour grapes?
  • Will your love life be exceptional or will it be average?
  • Will you settle for a good (mediocre) marriage or will you upgrade to a passionate one?
  • Will you rebuild a better marriage or will you rebuild a replica of the same old relationship?
  • Will you defy the odds or will you end up as another divorce statistic?

BECAUSE I BELIEVE

The choice is up to you. And as you think about that, think about this…
The opportunity to discover just how much more is possible for you as a couple is not only knocking at your door, it’s practically knocking the door down. And for those couples who are willing to answer that door, an exciting new journey begins.

AND WOULDN'T THAT BE THE ULTIMATE VICTORY?

For you guys to one day be able to look back and realize the heartache you went through was like labor pains that helped you to give birth to a more loving and beautiful relationship than you had before.

Until we speak again…
Remember…
Love Wins!

P.S. You can click to learn more about my Happiness After Infidelity for Couples home study program.