GoAskSuzie

Affair Recovery Guides

My guide to

End The Affair

THOUSANDS HAVE FOUND A WAY TO BREAK FREE AND LIVE GUILT-FREE AFTER THE AFFAIR.

(AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOU HOW THEY DID IT.)

B

efore I get into the details, here’s an interesting story…

A COW WITHOUT A ROPE

There once was a young farm boy who took his cows out to the meadows every morning and brought them back to their shed each night. One evening as he was tying up his cows for the night, the boy noticed that one of his cows was missing her rope. He wasn’t able to tie her up. Although he feared she could run away, it was too late for him to go to town and buy another rope. The boy didn’t know what to do, so he went to a wise woman who lived next door and asked for her advice. The wise woman told the boy to go back home and pretend to tie up the cow but to be sure that the cow saw him doing it. The boy did as the wise woman suggested and pretended to tie up the cow, making sure the cow saw him doing it. The next morning, the boy discovered the cow had remained in the exact same spot throughout the night.

So, he went about untying all the other cows as usual, and they all went outside. But as he was about to follow them to pasture, he noticed that the cow with the missing rope was still standing where she had been all night. He tried to coax her into joining the rest of the herd, but she wouldn’t budge. The boy was perplexed. Not knowing what to do, he went back to the wise woman and asked her advice. “She still thinks she’s tied up,” the wise woman told him. “Go back and pretend to untie her and make sure she sees you doing it.” The boy did what he was told, and amazingly… the cow happily left the shed.

This story is an example of what researchers call “belief perseverance”. As you probably already know… this phenomenon doesn’t just happen to cows.

SO, WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR SITUATION?

A lot more than you might imagine. Let me explain. Affairs have a way of mimicking the depth and strength of real relationships. This often creates an illusion of permanent ties. So, like the wise woman next door… my job often comes down to helping men and women dismantle the belief they have that they are unable to break free. I use my 15 years of affair recovery experience to guide them forward (even though in reality they were never stuck)… and to help them let go of people they never really had in the first place. Unfortunately, sometimes that takes a lot of convincing.

In a way, it’s like trying to find a black cat in a dark room. In this case, the black cat you’re looking for are the things you got from the affair… things like attention, validation, significance, sexual fulfillment. And because the affair is based on deception and secrecy, it’s like looking for that black cat in a dark room.

But here's the thing...

Because affairs are also rooted in fantasy and in not reality, it’s like looking for that black cat in a dark room — except the cat isn’t there.

LOOKING FOR A BLACK CAT

IN A DARK ROOM

In a way, it’s like trying to find a black cat in a dark room. In this case, the black cat you’re looking for are the things you got from the affair… things like attention, validation, significance, sexual fulfillment. And because the affair is based on deception and secrecy, it’s like looking for that black cat in a dark room.

But here's the thing...

Because affairs are also rooted in fantasy and not in reality, it’s like looking for that black cat in a dark room — except the cat isn’t there.

THE KEY QUESTION

If a person believes the black cat they are looking for is in fact in that dark room, how do you help them realize it’s not there? And if for example, the intensity of the affair has you tied up in knots (like that cow in the story), how do you make yourself break free when there is no actual rope holding you back? And how do you remind yourself that breaking free from the affair need not be stressful… since you aren’t actually tethered to that person in the first place? Those are all great questions, but when it comes to end of the affair, finding the answers is a lot easier said than done.

HERE'S WHAT I MEAN

On one hand, you understand that being in an affair is inappropriate (no one needs to tell you that). But on the other hand… somewhere between the conversations, the text messages, the connections, the laughs, the smiles, the flirting and the attentiveness… some fairly intense feelings have developed. Any of this sounding familiar?

THE FOG OF FEELINGS

Fog of Feelings
Fog of Feelings

WHEN YOU'RE IN THE AFFAIR FOG...

  • The person you know you should walk away from, becomes impossible to stay away from.
  • The rules you never thought you would break, you find yourself breaking all the time.
  • The things you used to prevent you from crossing the line (Like your faith, principles,
    and conscience) don’t seem to be working anymore.

AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH...

Once your feelings are involved… ending an affair can be way harder than you ever thought possible. That’s why you’ll hear me say this time and time again… “Affairs more closely mimic the symptoms of addiction than anything else”. Why is this so? You may wonder. Well, I believe it’s because most people are not really so much attached to the affair as they are hooked on the feelings the affair produces. To test this theory… let’s do a little “thought experiment”. Ask yourself… how many of the following do you feel apply to you?

Are You Caught in the Affair Fog?

Yes

No

01

Has it taken you multiple attempts to break free and Stay free of the affair?

Yes

No

02

Do you experience withdrawal symptom when forced to stay from the affair partner (like a drug addict)?

Yes

No

03

Does the thought of permanently ending the affair create more suffering than it should?

Yes

No

04

Have you made many poor choices just to be able to maintain the affair?

Yes

No

05

Have you knowingly put your family, job, career, or reputation at risk in order to keep the affair?

Yes

No

06

Does the thought of having no contact with the affair partner again strike terror in your heart?

Yes

No

07

Have you noticed that you seem take on another personality within the affair?

Yes

No

08

Are you more likely to defend, rationalize and explain away the affair than admit it’s wrong?

Yes

No

09

Do you secretly believe it’s better to tolerate the guilt than to give up the guilty pleasures you get from the affair?

Yes

No

10

Does it feel like anyone who tries to talk sense into you or separate you from the affair is AN enemy and not a friend?

Yes

No

How did you do?

If you were able to answer no to all of the above questions, then the rest of this guide is probably not for you. But if you answered yes to more than two of the questions, then chances are pretty good that you’re caught up in the affair fog.

AND IF THAT'S THE CASE FOR YOU... THEN DON'T DESPAIR

The good news is, help is available. I want you to know that YOU CAN break free from even the most intense feelings! YOU CAN dissolve even the strongest attachments. And YOU CAN find the courage to move on with your life after the affair. And if you’ll allow me to, it would be my honor to help you find your way… sooner rather than later.

And with your permission…

I would like to spend the next few minutes giving you a brief introduction to my 5 Steps to The End of the Affair home study online course… all with an eye towards helping you determine whether or not this course could be helpful for you. So let’s begin by exploring what this home study is all about.

LEARNING CHANGES EVERYTHING

(INTRODUCTION TO MY END OF THE AFFAIR HOME STUDY online COURSE)

5 STEPS TO THE END OF THE AFFAIR

HOME STUDY online COURSE

My End of the Affair home study course is an online version of the type of coaching I do with my private clients. In this program, I will be teaching, guiding and coaching you through the different stages of what it takes to actually let go and break free from the affair. I will help you to remove any and all obstacles that are currently preventing, hindering or sabotaging your attempts to be free (and stay free), as well as to help you heal, forgive, and move on… to a better life after the affair.

The process

This course uses a “coaching approach” to help you break free. Coaching is about inspiring excellence and encouraging actions. Therefore, you’ll find that my End of the Affair home study is not a passive process. In fact, I designed it to be both active and practical. You will find that I have also included in the course several helpful tools, suggestions and recommendations… alongside my step-by-step coaching. I did all this to ensure you have everything you need in order to finally be able to physically end the affair you’re currently caught up in and emotionally break free from it for good.

The power

You will find the help you get from taking this course may feel like it was made to be specific for you. That’s because I teach how to deal with exactly what actual affair partners struggle with… and this may be almost identical to what you are going through. This is NOT generic help. It’s also not some kind of judgmental or moralizing banter. Far from it. Instead, this is the type of coaching that empowers. This is about giving you the practical steps I’ve used with thousands of clients before you that brings inspiration and strengthens your motivation to break free from the affair and live guilt-free.

The benefits

  • Learning privacy: This is an online course, so you can work and learn in private
  • Actions Steps: Gives you exact steps to take to break-free
  • Better Coping Tools: Helps you handle triggers, compulsiveness and urges to contact
  • Key Insights: Helps you escape the affair fog
  • Inspiration: Makes exiting, ending and letting go process less traumatic for you
  • Perspective: Helps you make your decision from a place of clarity rather than emotions

And the best part?

For only $1

You can try the course before you buy it.

You can audit this course for $1 and decide for yourself if my approach and my teaching style is a match for you. IF you like it, you can upgrade to the full course. IF you don’t… there’s no hard feelings (really).

And just in case you’re wondering if this is worthy of your time and attention, here are the 10 Good Reasons why you may want to consider taking the course.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The Cake is a Lie

the cake is a lie

A few years ago, the video game “Portal” became hugely popular among gamers. During the game, an electronic voice encourages you to solve intricate puzzles using cake as a motivating perk. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until players solved the game that they realized the truth. There was no cake! The disappointment created such an outrage among gamers that they began boycotting the game. The reaction and boycott was responsible for the urban phrase “the cake is a lie”. This phrase is now widely used by teenagers to describe any situation where a promised reward is actually a fictitious motivator.

IN MANY WAYS, AFFAIRS OPERATE UNDER THE SAME MISLEADING PRINCIPLES.

BECAUSE I BELIEVE...

All I can do is show you the door, but you will have to be the one to walk through it. And if you’re nervous about what you’ll find on the other side of that door… don’t be. On the other side, you’ll find freedom from guilt (and that’s a wonderful gift).

Until we speak again…
Remember…
Love Wins!

P.S. You can click to learn more about my End of the Affair home study program.