breaking-free from the affair
thousands of found a way to break-free and stay free from the affair for life.
and in this article, I'm going to share some secrets of how they did it.
efore I get into the details, here’s an interesting story…
A COW WITHOUT A ROPE
There once was a young farm boy who took his cows out to the meadows every morning and brought them back to their shed each night. One evening, as he was tying up his cows for the night, the boy noticed that one of his cows was missing her rope. He wasn’t able to tie her up. Although he feared she could run away, it was too late for him to go to town and buy another rope. The boy didn’t know what to do, so he went to a wise woman who lived next door and asked for her advice. The wise woman told the boy to go back home and pretend to tie up the cow but to be sure that the cow saw him doing it. The boy did as the wise woman suggested and pretended to tie up the cow, making sure the cow saw him doing it. The next morning, the boy discovered the cow had remained in the exact same spot throughout the night.
So, he went about untying all the other cows as usual, and they all went outside. But as he was about to follow them to pasture, he noticed that the cow with the missing rope was still standing where she had been all night. He tried to coax her into joining the rest of the herd, but she wouldn’t budge. The boy was perplexed. Not knowing what to do, he went back to the wise woman and asked her advice. “She still thinks she’s tied up,” the wise woman told him. “Go back and pretend to untie her and make sure she sees you doing it.” The boy did what he was told, and amazingly… the cow happily left the shed.
This story is an example of what researchers call “belief perseverance”. As you probably already know… this phenomenon doesn’t just happen to cows.
SO, WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR SITUATION?
A lot more than you might imagine. Let me explain. Affairs have a way of mimicking the depth and strength of real relationships. This often creates an illusion of permanent ties. So, like the wise woman next door… my job often comes down to helping men and women dismantle the belief they have that they are unable to break free. I use my 15 years of affair recovery experience to guide them forward (even though in reality they were never stuck)… and to help them let go of people they never really had in the first place. Unfortunately, sometimes that takes a lot of convincing.
looking for a black cat
in a dark room
In a way, it’s like trying to find a black cat in a dark room. In this case, the black cat you’re looking for are the things you got from the affair… things like attention, validation, significance, sexual fulfillment. And because the affair is based on deception and secrecy, it’s like looking for that black cat in a dark room.
BUT HERE'S THE THING...
Because affairs are also rooted in fantasy and in not reality, it’s like looking for that black cat in a dark room — except the cat isn’t there.
THE KEY QUESTION
If a person believes the black cat they are looking for is in fact in that dark room, how do you help them realize it’s not there? And if for example, the intensity of the affair has you tied up in knots (like that cow in the story), how do you make yourself break free when there is no actual rope holding you back? And how do you remind yourself that breaking free from the affair need not be stressful… since you aren’t actually tethered to that person in the first place? Those are all great questions, but when it comes to end of the affair, finding the answers is a lot easier said than done.
HERE'S WHAT I MEAN
On one hand, you understand that being in an affair is inappropriate (no one needs to tell you that). But on the other hand… somewhere between the conversations, the text messages, the connections, the laughs, the smiles, the flirting and the attentiveness… some fairly intense feelings have developed. Any of this sound familiar?
The fog of feelings
Because of the Feelings
Friends turn into lovers, fantasies morph into indiscretions, flirtations mutate into emotional affairs, night stands become long term affairs and it’s because of these same feelings that turns the good guy into a cheater and a good girl end up labelled a home wrecker.
When you’re in the affair fog…
The person you know you should walk away from... becomes impossible to stay away from.
The rules you never thought you would break... you find yourself breaking all time.
The things you used to prevent you from crossing the line, like your faith, principles, and conscience, don’t seem to be working any more.
AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH...
Once your feelings are involved… ending an affair can be way harder than you ever thought possible. That’s why you’ll hear me say this time and time again… “Affairs more closely mimic the symptoms of addiction than anything else.” Why is this so? You may wonder. Well, I believe it’s because most people are not really so much attached to the affair as they are hooked to the feelings the affair produces. To test this theory… let’s do a little “thought experiment”. Ask yourself… how many of the following do you feel apply to you?
ARE YOU CAUGHT IN THE AFFAIR FOG?
TAKE THE QUIZ
HAS IT TAKEN YOU MULTIPLE ATTEMPTS TO BREAK FREE AND STAY FREE OF THE AFFAIR?
DO YOU EXPERIENCE WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOM WHEN FORCED TO STAY FROM THE AFFAIR PARTNER (LIKE A DRUG ADDICT)?
DOES THE THOUGHT OF PERMANENTLY ENDING THE AFFAIR CREATE MORE SUFFERING THAN IT SHOULD?
HAVE YOU MADE MANY POOR CHOICES JUST TO BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN THE AFFAIR?
HAVE YOU KNOWINGLY PUT YOUR FAMILY, JOB, CAREER, OR REPUTATION AT RISK IN ORDER TO KEEP THE AFFAIR?
DOES THE THOUGHT OF HAVING NO CONTACT WITH THE AFFAIR PARTNER AGAIN STRIKE TERROR IN YOUR HEART?
HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT YOU SEEM TAKE ON ANOTHER PERSONALITY WITHIN THE AFFAIR?
ARE YOU MORE LIKELY TO DEFEND, RATIONALIZE AND EXPLAIN AWAY THE AFFAIR THAN ADMIT IT’S WRONG?
DO YOU SECRETLY BELIEVE IT’S BETTER TO TOLERATE THE GUILT THAN TO GIVE UP THE GUILTY PLEASURES YOU GET FROM THE AFFAIR?
DOES IT FEEL LIKE ANYONE WHO TRIES TO TALK SENSE INTO YOU OR SEPARATE YOU FROM THE AFFAIR IS AN ENEMY AND NOT A FRIEND?
How did you do?
If you were able to answer no to all of the above questions, then the rest of this roadmap article is probably not going to help you. But if you answered yes to even one of the above questions, then chances are pretty good that you’re caught up in the affair fog.
AND IF THAT’S THE CASE FOR YOU… THEN DON’T DESPAIR
Because there is way for to break-free from even the most intense affair feelings regardless of how deep they go. And there is a way to gracefully end the affair and walk away without regret or the needing to circle back.
And if that sounds like something you’d like to do – then you are going to greatly benefit from taking my next step recommendation
NEXT STEP RECOMMENDATION
Take my masterclass collection on
HOW TO END THE AFFAIR
What is my
how to end the affair
My How to End the Affair masterclass collection is five powerful masterclasses, that give you my step-by-step process for gracefully ending an affair and moving forward without regret – bundled together,
for one low price.
All five masterclasses in this collection are online, so you can access them instantly, from any device, anytime and from anywhere in the world. (no waiting, no appointments needed) So, when you take my masterclasses are not you both getting immediate help, but you are also going to be learning some of my more advanced techniques and strategies. (many of which you won’t find anywhere else).
Explore my How to End the Affair collection here.
MY CLOSING THOUGHTS
A few years ago, the video game Portal became hugely popular among gamers. During the game, an electronic voice encourages you to solve intricate puzzles using cake as a motivating perk. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until players solved the game that they realized the truth.
There was no cake!
The disappointment created such an outrage among gamers that they began boycotting the game. The reaction and boycott was responsible for the urban phrase “the cake is a lie”. This phrase is now widely used by teenagers to describe any situation where a promised reward is actually a fictitious motivator.
In many ways an affair operate under the same misleading principles.
The feelings the dreams, the hopes the promise of pleasurable future, often act as the fictitious motivators. Causing people to override principles, circumvent morals, deceive themselves others, and for a while this works. But, then eventually it’s won’t. Eventually the crumbs aren’t enough; as people begin to what the whole cake and this desire for more…it what put them on the collision course with disillusionment; because gaming world as in the world of extramarital affairs the “the cake is usually a lie”
And if you’re ready to do something different about it. Then, my affair partner home study can help you break free and do it with minimum amounts of drama and trauma.
However, keep in mind
All I can do show you the door – but you will have to be the one to walk through it. And if you’re nervous about what you’ll find on the other side of that door… don’t be. On the other side you’ll find freedom from guilt (and that’s a wonderful gift).
Until we speak again –
Remember love wins