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Suzie Johnson, cpc

Marriage coach & Affair Recovery expert since 1999

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WELCOME!

This website is designed to be a two-way conversation. Where you can ask questions, read or listen to my answers, advice and insights about love, trust & overcoming infidelity.

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Testimonials

I WILL DEFINITELY BOOK SOME MORE COACHING WITH HER

It was a great session I had with Suzie, more than exceeded my expectations and was of great help. Thank you very much for organizing this and I will definitely book some more coaching with her.

donna,

an Affair Partner

Affair Recovery Roadmap for Couples

My guide to affair recovery & rebuilding your marriage after infidelity

Answered by Suzie Johnson

Updated:

Roadmap

Affair Recovery for Couples

Thousands of couples have successfully rebuilt their marriages while navigating the challenging road of affair recovery.

And in this article, I'm going to share some of the secrets of affair recovery and how they did it.

B

efore I get into the details…
Let me share with you some interesting facts about what it takes to produce a good bottle of wine.

WHEN GRAPES GO WILD

You may or may not be aware of this, but when left to grow wild, grapevines are not very orderly plants. In fact, left to their own devices… they have been known to crawl up any tree, wrap themselves around any branch and are pretty much willing to attach themselves to any forest shrub. And as a result of having so much freedom, so many choices and little or no guidance, wild grapevines produce mostly sour grapes and make very poor wine. However, thousands of years ago, the first viticulturists discovered some remarkable things about grapevines… many of which at first glance would seem totally counterintuitive.

Four key things they learnt

B
oundaries matter

When you plant grapevines close to each other, the close proximity causes each vine to compete sexually and to grow bigger grapes.

01

A
dversity helps

Because when you make the vines struggle for water and resources, they will send their roots deeper into the soil and will become more sturdy and resilient plants in the process.

02

L
oss leads to growth

In the winemaking world, nurturing the vine means cutting off 90% of each plant’s upper mass during its dormant period. Why? Because the loss causes the plant to redirect energy to healthier parts of the vine. This reinvigorates the upcoming year’s new growth; therefore, the most loving thing the vintner does is prune.

03

R
estraint produces excellence

Here’s the thing about grapevines… given unlimited freedom, the overall quality of the grapes suffer. So, pruning the vines is essential because it causes the vines to conserve energy and to concentrate their flavors, which in turn produces higher-quality grapes.

04

L
oss leads to growth

In the winemaking world, nurturing the vine means cutting off 90% of each plant’s upper mass during its dormant period. Why? Because the loss causes the plant to redirect energy to healthier parts of the vine. This reinvigorates the upcoming year’s new growth; therefore, the most loving thing the vintner does is prune.

03

R
estraint produces excellence.

Here’s the thing about grapevines… given unlimited freedom, the overall quality of the grapes suffer. So, pruning the vines is essential, because it causes the vines to conserve energy and to concentrate their flavors, which in turn produces higher-quality grapes.

04

The bottom line?

A lot of winemaking success comes from doing counterintuitive things, because whenever you grow grapevines without limits, boundaries or restrictions (even in near-perfect environments), at best you’ll produce mediocre vines, and at worst, you’ll end up with nothing but sour grapes.

But on the other hand…

When you’re willing to prune them hard and crowd them with close neighbors… when you’re willing to introduce some adversity and make things challenging for the vines by restricting water supply and by making them struggle for nutrients and resources… then your vines will do something remarkable. They will begin to focus and concentrate their efforts on reproducing themselves sexually, which means stronger vines and better flavored grapes — the kind needed to produce not just good wine… but excellent wine.

SO, WHAT DOES ALL THIS HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR SITUATION?

Well, as it turns out, attempting to rebuild your marriage after a brush with infidelity gives you a lot in common with winemakers than you might first think. The reason? In both cases, being successful is often the result of doing counterintuitive things.

Let me explain what I mean…

Place a couple in a near-perfect environment (where every desire is readily met and every comfort and convenience is flawlessly accommodated) and give them total freedom (no boundaries, no limits and no expectations), and instead of creating the “paradise on earth” that you’d expect, what you’re more likely to end up with is a sense of entitlement at worst, and a lifestyle of boredom at best. (Surprised? I’ll tell you why in a minute.)

But instead of making it so easy…

Introduce some creative boundaries to the relationship… give that couple problems to work on, challenges to defeat, decisions to make, obstacles to conquer, conflicts to resolve, and introduce them to adversities and uncertainties that will require them to learn how to work together to overcome… and what you’ll end up with (somewhat counterintuitively) is a couple whose relationship dynamic is richer, stronger, and more emotionally satisfying than if those things were absent.

AM I SAYING THAT ADVERSITY IS GOOD FOR A MARRIAGE?

No, that’s not what I am saying…

What I am saying is that adversity is inevitable. Every couple has to face adversity. Those couples who are willing to work together to learn how to overcome adversity… and those couples who are willing to do things that are sometimes counterintuitive… are usually the ones that wind up creating the kind of relationship many of the great love songs have been written about.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.

Those couples who are unwilling to cooperate during times of adversity and those couples who take the stereotypical approaches to solving problems (and dealing with challenges) oftentimes end up with the type of mediocre relationship that has littered the road of infidelity.

I believe that facing adversity is not the real problem.

In fact, when approached correctly… learning how to overcome and rebuild your marriage after infidelity can actually become a wonderful growing opportunity. I only say that because I know it to be true. It was true in my marriage, and it’s been true in a high percentage of the couples with whom I’ve worked privately over the past 15 years. So, the real problem (in my humble opinion) is that many couples take the same old approach, bring the same attitudes, beliefs and rules (many of which contributed to vulnerability of the marriage in the first place) to rebuilding the marriage. And so rather than the adversity becoming a relationship improvement opportunity for those couples, it ends up becoming the slide to demise and decline.

YOU MIGHT ASK... WHAT'S IMPORTANT ABOUT ALL THAT?

Well, here’s the connection. The number one thing couples say they want the most (once infidelity has rocked their relationship) is for things to “return to normal”. They want things to be the same as it was before the indiscretion occurred. Do you realize what this means? You probably already guessed it. It means that for the most part, they will go back to doing the same things, living the same way, following the same script, the same rules, and the same model and map of marriage as they had before. The result? Well, according to the latest statistics… that’s not promising. Approximately 80% will fail to thrive.

FOUR THINGS EVERY COUPLE

NEEDS TO CONSIDER AFTER INFIDELITY

01

MINIMUM EFFORTS WON’T WORK

When it comes to rebuilding, it’s going to take maximum efforts to get the job done.

02

YOU MUST GO BEYOND

Go beyond repairing to redesigning the relationship rules and dynamics so that it’s more temptation- and affair-proof than before.

03

MAKING IT “AS GOOD AS IT WAS BEFORE” ISN’T ENOUGH

The goal now must be to make it “better than before”.

And perhaps most importantly…

04

IF YOU CHANGE NOTHING, THEN NOTHING CHANGES

In other words, if you bring the same philosophy, beliefs and approach to rebuilding the marriage as you had before, then you have the exact same odds of history repeating itself.

4
things
every couple

needs to consider
after infidelity

01

MINIMUM EFFORTS WON’T WORK

When it comes to rebuilding, it’s going to take maximum efforts to get the job done.

02

YOU MUST GO BEYOND

Go beyond repairing to redesigning the relationship rules and dynamics so that it’s more temptation- and affair-proof than before.

03

MAKING IT “AS GOOD AS IT WAS BEFORE” ISN’T ENOUGH

The goal now must be to make it “better than before”.

And perhaps most importantly…

04

IF YOU CHANGE NOTHING, THEN NOTHING CHANGES

In other words, if you bring the same philosophy, beliefs and approach to rebuilding the marriage as you had before, then you have the exact same odds of history repeating itself.

TIME FOR A REALITY CHECK

Once a marriage is rocked by infidelity, it will never be the same as it was before — it can’t be. But that’s not the bad news. In fact, it’s really good news! Why? Because when you think about it… if you were to go back to the way things were before this all happened, then you would be putting yourself right back on a similar collision course that got you where you are today. Does that make sense?

So here’s what I want you to do…

Perish any thought (and dance on their collective graves) that the relationship you used to have was “so special” or “so perfect” that it can’t be upgraded. I want you to banish any feeling that you can’t have a better, more passionate, more loving relationship with more open and honest communications than you had before… because you can!

HERE'S THE BEAUTIFUL TRUTH

While infidelity is a deal breaker, it’s also an opportunity to make a new deal. This means, however, that you have to get to a different, better and more rewarding model of marriage and relationship than you had before. And if having that makes sense to you… then you’re going to greatly benefit from my next step recommendation

NEXT STEP RECOMMENDATION

MY MARRIGE REHAB

MASTERCLASS COLLECTION FOR COUPLES

What is my

marriage rehab

masterclass collection for couples?

My Marriage Rehab masterclass collection for couples is 21 of my most advanced masterclasses for saving, healing and rebuilding your marriage after infidelity, bundled together for one low price.

All twenty-one masterclasses in this collection are online, so you can access them instantly, from any device, anytime and from anywhere in the world. (no waiting, no appointments needed) So, when you take my masterclasses are not you both getting immediate help, but you are also going to be learning some of my more advanced techniques and strategies. (many of which you won’t find anywhere else).
Explore my Marriage Rehab collection here.

Overcoming Infidelity Expert Suzie

MY CLOSING THOUGHTS

While infidelity is a deal breaker – it also presents the opportunity to make a new deal. And I have made it my life’s mission to help couple facilitate the process by which they can make a new deal after infidelity, to not just so they preserve their marriage, but so they can rebuild a marriage that ten times more satisfying than the way it was before the affair.

Because I believe….

If a couple is willing to take the risk to make new deal after an encounter with infidelity – then the rewards waiting for them must extraordinary.

In other words, the rewards of affair recovery should deliver…

Am I suggesting…?

There will ever come a time when you will be happy you had this brush with infidelity? No. Of course not. That would be like saying there would ever be a time when a person would be happy they had to go through chemotherapy because it caused them to lose weight! (Perish the thought.)

What I am saying though is this...

While infidelity IS a deal-breaker,

While you can’t make things go back to the way they were before…

And although trust can be ruined…

While the pain of recovery is real…

it also presents an opportunity to make a new deal.

maybe there is a way you can make them better than before.

trust can also be restored.

maybe you won’t have to labor in vain… if you can find a way to leverage that pain and transform it into something beautiful.

And if any of that makes sense to you…

Then, may I suggest…?

You leave the wishing to the kids… and the hoping to the saints… and take the future into your own hands… by rebuilding your marriage, in a such a way that it becomes 10 times more satisfying, than before the affair, thereby delighting your friends and confounding your enemies.

I believe such a moment is possible for you.

And the way I see it, part of my job as your coach is to be an advocate for that future (where you thrive again). To be the voice that reminds both of you why the best is yet to come. And if that sounds like a voice you’d like to listen to, then I encourage you to take my marriage rehab masterclasses collection for couples. I believe you’ll be glad you did.

Until we speak again…

Remember, LOVE WINS!

P.S. Here are 3 more ways I can help you rebuild and recover. 

Suzie Johnson

Download Your Free
Emotional Affairs Mini-Guide

7 Tips for Overcoming an Emotional Affair

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Suzie Johnson

Download Your Free
Repairing Trust Mini-Guide

7 Tips for Repairing Trust In Your Relationship After Infidelity

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Suzie Johnson

Download Your Free
Rekindle Intimacy Mini-Guide

7 Tips for Rekindling Romance & Intimacy After the Affair

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Signs of a Serial Cheater Mini-Guide

12 Things that Indicate the Likelihood of Serial Cheating

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Damage Control Mini-Guide

What To Do When You’ve Been Caught Cheating

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Download Your Free
Healing Anger Mini-Guide

7 Tips for Healing Anger After Infidelity

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Download Your Free
Forgiving Infidelity Mini-Guide

10 Tips for Forgiving The Unforgivable

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Suzie Johnson

Download Your Free
Forgiving Infidelity Mini-Guide

10 Tips for Forgiving The Unforgivable

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Self-Forgiveness Mini-Guide

10 Tips for Ending Guilt & Forgiving Yourself

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Suzie Johnson

Download Your Free
Surviving Infidelity Mini-Guide

10 Key Questions Answered for Betrayed Partners

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Suzie Johnson

Download Your Free
End the Affair Mini-Guide

7 Tips for Permanently Ending the Affair for Good

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