All monogamous relationships are vulnerable to infidelity.
No marriage is immune.
That’s why honesty is still the best defense. Couples who enjoy open communication are usually better able to detect and prevent behaviors that encourage infidelity. The following are a list of some thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that can lead to extramarital affairs. This list is by no means complete. It’s simply a representation of some of the more common contributors we see here at GoAskSuzie.com.
11 Signs to Watch Out For
- Feelings of powerlessness: not being able to ask for (and get) the kind of love, support, and attention you want from your relationship
- Fading feelings of Love: unhappiness with your mate; feeling envious of other “happy couples” (whether justified or not)
- Decline of passion: great friends, but not great lovers; loss of libido, sexual desire, and attraction
- Rigid routines: heavy schedules resulting in loss of fun, playfulness, or adult time
- Attention decline: not enough time, attention and focus on growing your relationship
- Never-ending arguments: same topic, different day; inability to argue without anger, criticism or personal attacks
- Mental/Emotional control: using threats, pressure, repeated mentions of the “D” word (divorce); using sex as punishment or reward for obedience or compliance
- Secret sexual interests: toward people outside of the relationship; harboring secret fetishes or fantasies about another sexual orientation (things you feel you can’t share with your partner)
- Chronic doubts: internal questions like: Did I make the right choice? Are we going to make it? Is he/she the right one for me?
- Inhibited growth: refusal to try new things, rigidity, and narrowness toward sex, change and new experiences
- Taking your partner for granted: feeling you know each other so well, there’s nothing “new” to explore or discover
The lesson here is: monogamy comes with certain trade-offs you have to be aware of. Boredom and insecurity are the two biggest ones, and yet they’re not to be feared.
Look at it this way:
When you commit to monogamy, you adopt a certain set of exclusive rules. It’s the same as if you were going to adopt a pet tiger. You would want (and need) to learn two things:
- The nature of tigers
- How to tame them
Taming the twin forces of boredom and insecurity (within yourself and your relationship) gives you an unbeatable advantage. To assume you’ll never become bored or restless within a relationship is like assuming that a tiger that lives at home is a house cat.
So let me ask you…
Are you willing to make a small investment of your time in order to take your marriage off the path to infidelity? If you are, then here are two steps to get you started: