Home Study CoursesBrowse Courses

The Truth About Emotional Cheating


You would be shocked at the number of lies, myths, and the variety of excuses associated with infidelity.

I’ve gotten to the point now where I feel I can’t be shocked, yet over and over again, I’m surprised by the ingenuity of wayward partners. Certain people seem to possess a yearning for deception and will almost always find a way to rationalize their behavior. They say almost anything to prove their “deception” was actually taking the high road… that somehow “lying” was better than hurting another’s feelings.

The following is a short list of the biggest myths/excuses we have come across:

                MYTH: Everybody does it.
                FACT: Actually, most partners are faithful.
                MYTH: Affairs are good for your marriage.
                FACT: Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce.
                MYTH: The betrayed spouse must be at fault. He/she failed in some way.
                FACT: No one can “cause” another to cheat, lie or deceive.
                MYTH: If an affair occurs, the marriage must end in divorce.
                FACT: Many couples stay together and actually emerge stronger.
                MYTH: An affair brings out the best in me.
                FACT: Guilt (whether unconscious or conscious) never brings out the best in anyone.
                MYTH: What they don’t know won’t hurt them.
                FACT: Secrets block intimacy and lack of intimacy hurts BOTH partners.
                MYTH: If there’s no sex, there’s no affair.
                FACT: Emotional affairs are just as dangerous, deceptive, and painful as physical affairs.
Recently, I read a bumper sticker I really liked. It said: Don’t believe everything you think.” What it hints at is the great paradox of the mind — that it’s possible to be fooled by your own thinking.
It’s the same with emotional affairs.

The EA (Emotional Affair) is the NEW testing ground for monogamy. Many partners who never intended to be unfaithful unwittingly cross the road from platonic friendships into emotional affairs, with all the innocence of a deer crossing a dark road. Many people never see the damaging emotional impact… until it’s way too late.

What is an emotional affair?

Emotional affairs often begin when there is a feeling of greater emotional intimacy and “understanding” being perceived from a person outside of a primary relationship. Often, there’s unwillingness to acknowledge that a sexual attraction is beginning to take place.

This results in secrecy and denial that becomes very damaging to the trust, intimacy, and honesty which may have taken years to build.

The REAL trouble with emotional affairs is the level of intimacy that develops.

Like a deer crossing a dark road, many people don’t see the danger of an emotional affair… until it’s too late.


Intimacy isn’t about sex (although sex can be a tool to enhance intimacy). Intimacy is really about “trust” and the ability to share your inner self with someone else. This is the “key” that unlocks the doors to the deepest parts of our being.

When this kind of intimacy is created between two people, a third thing emerges. This is called “emotional bonding”. Depending on the degree of the bond and the strength of the emotional connection, many faithful spouses find themselves over their heads.

Why is emotional bonding outside of your primary relationship dangerous?

The answer is found in the bumper sticker mentioned earlier: “Don’t believe everything you think.”

Which points to one possibility: Our mind has the ability to seduce us.

Thoughts become things.

Once you allow your mind to focus on building deeper emotional connections with someone outside your primary relationship… even if it’s all in your head, it’s only a matter of time until those thoughts seek to manifest into reality.

common breeding grounds for emotional affairs

Common Breeding Grounds for Emotional Affairs:

  1. Internet/online conversations
  2. Workplace proximity
  3. Trade shows, conventions, business trips
  4. Groups of people who share hobbies
  5. Friendships with the opposite sex
  6. Friendships with the same sex

Just Friends Vs. Romantic Relationships

Am I saying that all friendships have the potential to become emotional affairs? No, not at all. Let’s look at the difference more closely.

What is the recipe for an Emotional Affair? Read page 2 of 3