The road to infidelity is littered with people in good marriages. The challenge is that most couples mistakenly assume infidelity only happens in bad marriages.
And that’s the problem.
Why 80% of Marriages Fail to Thrive After Infidelity
Did you know?
Only about 19% of couples divorce immediately upon the discovery of infidelity. The majority (approximately 80%) do attempt to work it out — they go to marriage counseling, take second honeymoons, buy gifts, and spend months walking on eggshells or groveling, trying to make up for what they lost.
The sad news?
The majority of those couples won’t be successful… because about 75% will divorce in about 18 to 24 months.
Here’s the really, really sad news.
Many times, the demise of the relationship isn’t because the couple didn’t try. It’s not because they didn’t love each other. Often, the demise is the result of something they didn’t even realize was happening.
Why do so many good marriages fail to thrive after infidelity?
Listen, if I gave you a dollar for every time I’ve heard a client say,”Suzie, I thought we had a good marriage,” you’d be a whole lot richer than you are today. That’s because one of the ugly truths about infidelity is this: Infidelity is just as likely to rock a good marriage as a bad one. (Gasp!)
Why? I believe the reason is this:
If marriages had a rating scale (a Zagat-type rating for marriages), then “good” would actually be the code for “average.”
In other words…
- If a good marriage were a hotel, it would be a 2- or 3-star hotel.
- If it were a term paper, it would receive a grade of “C.”
- If it were an Olympic athlete, it would win the bronze medal.
This means… when it comes to long-term romantic relationships, good = average. In other words, in a marriage (as in the other areas of life), good doesn’t get you great — it gets you average results. And what’s another word for average? You guessed it: mediocre. Am I saying that a good marriage is a bad thing to have? NO. That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that when it comes to marriage, good can be a code for mediocrity.
The Trap of Mediocrity
I recently overheard a Michelin 3-star chef give an interview on television. The reporter asked him, “How is it that you’re able to sell a hamburger for $30, when I can buy a hamburger for $1 on any street corner in America?”
I thought his answer put the concept of mediocrity into perspective.
He said, “No food is intrinsically better than any other food, but if you’re willing to totally lavish it with attention and pour all your passion and love into a hamburger, then it becomes a work of art.” He went on to say, “The opposite is also true. If you take the most expensive cut of meat and treat it like a commodity, then you reduce it to mediocrity. And you can charge a dollar all day long for mediocrity. I believe the difference in my prices reflects the additional love, passion and attention I lavish on my food, not the cut of meat.”
What is this chef teaching us about mediocrity?
I believe he’s showing us that:
- Mediocrity is convenient (minimum efforts needed).
- Mediocrity is predictable (lacks spontaneity).
- Mediocrity is safe (requires no risk).
- Mediocrity is lazy (lacks energy).
- Mediocrity is cheap (requires little or no investment).
- Mediocrity isn’t special or unique (easily duplicated).
- Mediocrity isn’t exclusive (everyone can have it/buy it).
- Mediocrity is indifferent (lacks passion).
And above all, he’s showing us that mediocrity requires minimum effort — and over the long run, minimum efforts don’t last.
You might ask… what’s important about all that?
Well, there’s the connection: The number #1 thing couples say they want the most once infidelity rocks their relationship is for things to “return to normal.” They want things to be the same as it was before the indiscretion occurred. Do you realize what this means? You probably already guessed it. It means that for the most part, they will go back to doing the same things, living the same way, following the same script, the same rules, and the same model and map of marriage as they had before. The result? Well, according to the latest statistics, approximately 80% will fail to thrive.
What’s happening here?
That’s a great question. The answer is this: Once infidelity rocks a marriage, it’s like an earthquake rocking a building. If you simply repair the damage, that building remains vulnerable to falling apart. So instead, you’ll have to go beyond damage repair; you’d have to rebuild a better building than before, in order to feel secure.
A similar thing needs to be done to your marriage after infidelity.
It’s not enough to forgive, reconcile and make up. Those are simply the first steps. The next step (which is the one that many people fail to take) is in fact the most important. You must redesign and rebuild a better marriage — one that is no longer vulnerable to infidelity.
So what should you take from all this?
Here are four things to consider, once your marriage is rocked by infidelity:
1) Minimum efforts won’t work.
2) It’s not enough to reconcile, you must rebuild (make it better, stronger and more secure).
3) Trying to make it”as good as it was before” isn’t enough — the goal must be to make it “better than before.”
And perhaps most importantly…
4) Continuing to follow the same map of marriage that put you on that collision course with infidelity isn’t going to do you any favors.
Now, for the reality check.
Yes, it’s true. Once a marriage is rocked by infidelity, it will never be the same as it was before. But that’s not bad news — that’s good news! Because if you went back to the way things were, you put yourself right back on the same collision course that you had in the past. Because it’s not that history repeats itself, as much as it is that people repeat their histories.
So, here’s what I want you to do:
I want you to perish any thought (and dance on their collective graves) that the relationship you used to have was “so special” or “so perfect” that it can’t be upgraded. I want you to banish any feeling that you can’t have it better — more passionate, more loving,with more open and honest communications than you had before. You can!
Because here’s the beautiful truth…
While infidelity is a dealbreaker, it’s also an opportunity to make a new deal. While it signals a bend in the road, it doesn’t have to be the end of the road. It does mean, however, that you have to get to a different, better and more rewarding road than ever before.
Which is why I believe that what couples need more than anything right now is a better model (map) of marriage — one that inspires passion — along with the skills, insights and relationship strategies to help them sustain that passionate attention, so that the “good” never stops growing.
Now, if this makes sense to you…
Then it’s my privilege to introduce you to the Passionate Monogamy online workshop. It’s a 30-day couple’s marriage course designed to teach you a new model of monogamy and marriage, and to give you and your partner the skills, insights and strategies you need to redesign your marriage, so that it’s better and stronger than ever before. Now, for the big question: What exactly IS Passionate Monogamy?
Passionate Monogamy is my rebuilding and enrichment workshop for couples whose relationships have been ripped apart by infidelity. The objectives are simple: To help couples rebuild a better marriage, wherein they upgrade their level of love, trust, open communications and sexual happiness… so that years later, they can look back at the pain and hurt they went through and honestly say, “that was the ‘best-worse thing’ that ever happened to us.”
You will find that the power of Passionate Monogamy is in its ability to (re)ignite the passion you once had for each other and to help you to transform the marriage you used to have to the marriage that’s possible for you. The workshop is one-part relationship skill-building, one-part couple’s communications training, and one-part couple’s retreat — all rolled into one exciting and revealing journey you’ll never regret going on.
The Key Question
By the end of your Passionate Monogamy experience, you will know the answer to the most important question you could ask yourself as a married couple: What allows us to create a marriage which is authentic, romantic, passionate and infidelity-free for life? HINT: Once you and your partner discover the answer to this question, you will no longer have to “endure,” but rather, you will learn how to truly enjoy your married life together.
The purpose of Passionate Monogamy is threefold:
- To teach a new and improved model of marriage (one you haven’t seen before) based on some of the most powerful marriage secrets in America.
- To share the skills, tools and techniques to create and sustain an authentic, romantic and passionate marriage (one that remains infidelity-proof in both good times and bad).
- To (re)ignite the passion within and inspire you both to embrace the deeper aspects of love, trust, open communications and sexual happiness… so that the good never stops growing in your marriage.
And the best part?
My Passionate Monogamy marriage workshop is now 100% online!
This means you guys never have to leave the comfort and privacy of your home in order to access some of the most powerful marriage enrichment advice available anywhere in the world.
SIDE NOTE: Passionate Monogamy is unlike other e-learning classes you might be used to. It’s way more. That’s because I’ve gone the extra mile and insisted on using only the very latest in Internet and media technologies. I wanted to create a high energy, multi-layered, media-rich dynamic online learning environment, so you get the most out of this 30-day program. For example, each lesson is packed with insightful anecdotes, easy to grasp ideas, on-the-street interviews and funny personal stories. This is just one of the ways I made sure your Passionate Monogamy experience would be both educational and entertaining.
6 Key Reasons Why You Should Consider This Workshop
Passionate Monogamy is unlike any other marriage workshop or couple’s course out there, and here are six reasons why:
Reason #1: It is NOT generic marital advice. This workshop is designed exclusively for couples who have had a brush with infidelity. Therefore, the information is totally relevant to you, and the techniques and strategies you’ll learn cannot be found anywhere else.
Reason #2: It will help you to avoid the pitfalls and mistakes — many of which will surprise you — of 80% of the couples who have failed to thrive after infidelity.
Reason #3: It gives you the tools for recovering, rebuilding, infidelity-proofing and rekindling passion and intimacy — an all-inclusive package you can’t find anywhere else.
Reason #4: It shows you how to minimize the three biggest agents of unhappiness: (1) infidelity and extramarital temptations, (2) mistrust and unforgiveness, and (3) boredom, mediocrity and stagnation.
Reason #5: It takes the focus out of trying to “fix” your partner (impossible) and puts it on redesigning the relationship, so that it works for both you and your partner.
But perhaps more importantly…
Reason #6: It will (re)ignite the passion in your marriage and give you and your partner a new, richer and more passionate “model of marriage” than you’ve ever seen before. On that basis alone, it’s worthy of your consideration… because who knows just how good it can get for you?
One final consideration (which is perhaps the best of all):
Passionate Monogamy is designed for you to take in daily baby steps.
Don’t worry. We’ve made it so that nothing is overwhelming. As you take each step, it’s like riding an escalator out of your pain and suffering. No more wondering what to do next. No more wondering if you’re headed in the right direction. No more feeling stuck in any one stage. No more “waiting and hoping” for things to improve. Instead, what you get with Passionate Monogamy is the feeling of confidence that each day you take another small step forward, your recovery moves closer and closer… and before you know it, you will have moved mountains, with hardly even breaking a sweat.
Who Should Participate?
COUPLES ONLY: Passionate Monogamy is a “couples only” online relationship course. Many of the daily steps and weekly treasure hunts have been specifically designed to be “couples only” activities.
Passionate Monogamy is right for you…
- If you want to do more than just save your marriage — you want to rebuild it so that it’s stronger than before.
- If you have decided to stay together for good, and you want to make sure that the good not only stays good, but gets even better.
- If you want to find ways to infidelity-proof your marriage, so you never re-experience this again.
- If divorce is not an option for you… and neither is mediocrity.
- If you want to bring back passion and rekindle intimacy.
How It Helps
(The Big Picture)
During the course of the 30 days, you and your partner will be learning (and implementing) the secrets to custom-designing your marriage, so you both get to win. You will also learn how to (re)define your current “model of marriage” so that the good never stops growing.
Both you and your spouse will learn:
- The principles of Passionate Monogamy (and how to apply them to your daily life).
- The ABCs of infidelity and how to avoid them (knowing this could be the answer to affair-proofing your marriage forever).
- How to design a lifestyle that increases your enjoyment of being together without sacrificing family or individuality (another game changer for marriages).
- How to create a compelling vision, purpose and mission for your marriage (without this, your marriage could flounder).
- How to (re)design your relationship rules, so you both win (this is the difference that makes all the difference in the world).
- Exactly what it takes to deepen, sweeten and preserve the love, trust and sexual happiness in your relationship, so it remains authentic, romantic and infidelity-free for life.
- How to forgive the past, (re)build in the present and (re)design a more beautiful vision of your future (one that’s worth staying together for).
- How to banish the bad habits that lead to mediocrity, boredom and stagnation, so your marriage never slips into decline (like the majority of marriages rocked by affairs eventually do).
Perhaps the best part?
Once you start living the principles of Passionate Monogamy, you’ll find that…
While other marriages end in divorce… you rebuild a marriage that’s even stronger.
While other marriages start to slip and decline… yours is thriving.
While romance fades for other couples… yours is renewing.
While other couples are starting to drift apart… you and your spouse are drawing closer.
While for other couples, love is slowing down… your love is heating up.
That was the big picture. Now, here are the details.
The Course Description
(What You Can Expect to Learn)
The Passionate Monogamy online course is an intensive 30-day couple’s workshop that will take you and your partner on an exciting and revealing journey, where you will have a great time learning the skills, insights and secrets of creating and sustaining an authentic, romantic, passionate marriage… that remains infidelity-free for life. These 30 days are broken down into four key areas of focus:
Love + Trust + Open Communications + Sexual Happiness
Here’s a brief overview of what each week covers:
Week One: The Return to Love
True love is the foundation of relationship bliss. But because so many mistakenly assume that true love is created in heaven, they miss the opportunity to experience it right here on earth. This week is all about showing you how to go “all in,” take your marriage to the next level, and have your most romantic true love experience in this marriage and with this partner.
You both will learn…
- Why THIS relationship offers you the best opportunity for true love
- The difference between true love and emotional attachment (and how to tell which one you have)
- Why control and true love cannot co-exist (Hint: if one is present, the other is absent)
- The difference between power and force (knowing this is the key to ending power struggles and chronic arguing)
- Why true love without forgiveness is impossible
- The exact steps to forgive and inspire true forgiveness (I believe this is one of the most important relationship skills any couple could ever learn)
Week Two: The Power of Trust and Transparency
Trust impacts every decision, every experience, and every sexual and romantic encounter you share as a couple. Unfortunately, trust (like true love) is one of the most misunderstood concepts in committed relationships. This week clears up a lot of the most dangerous myths and misconceptions about trust. It teaches you both the proven secrets to creating and sustaining a rock-solid relationship based on the laws of trust (simply put, this week changes the game forever).
You both will learn…
- How to dismantle many of the myths and madness surrounding trust
- Two basic skills of trustworthiness (we all have them naturally, but few people are aware they do, or know how important these skills are)
- Three simple actions you can take that build and strengthen trust (this is a must for every couple)
- The one astonishing method that banishes deception, cheating and dishonor
- How to (re)inspire trust and respect (even if you’ve disappointed each other in the past)
- The importance of authenticity and how it impacts everything else in a marriage
- How to (re)design your relationship so that trust, loyalty and honesty flourishes
Week Three: Opening the Doors of Communication
It’s a fact: Relationships thrive or decline based on the quality of communications between a couple. This is why there’s really no such thing as relationship failure, only the failure to communicate. And yet, very few couples have learned how to truly and effectively communicate with each other. That’s the bad news; the good news is that after this week, you will no longer be a part of that group.
You both will learn…
- How to ask (and get what you want) without using deception, manipulation or guilt
- How to harness the power of indirect influence (to empower rather than create power struggles)
- The art of compassionate communications (these techniques alone pay for the entire workshop)
- The art of charismatic communications (and how to use words to rekindle the fires of desire)
Week Three: 5 Keys to Sexual Happiness
Having sex is not the same as having sexual happiness. Think about it. When it comes to sex, birds do it, bees do it, but only human beings have the ability to achieve sexual happiness. In this section, you and your partner will learn the five keys that lead to sexual happiness… so that intimacy and emotional connection never grow stale in your marriage.
You both will learn…
- Why intimacy matters (even when sex is absent)
- How to design a better marriage (based on my five keys to sexual happiness)
- How to safely open the lines of sexual communication (and talk about the stuff you never could before)
- How to embrace genuine sexual pleasure (even if you’ve suffered from guilt, inhibitions or repressed desires)
- How to banish boredom from your bedroom
- The number one secret to enjoying better sex (it’s not what you think)
- How sexual passion really works and how to ignite it in each other (at will)
- The 3 mental aphrodisiacs all women crave (knowing this gives any husband an unbeatable advantage in the bedroom)
- How to inspire a man’s desire and bring out more of his sexual affection (gives a wife “the edge” in the bedroom)
Halfway Through the Program
It will become clear to you… why this partner (your current partner) is your best opportunity for true love… why this marriage (imperfections and all) give you the highest potential to have one of the most deeply satisfying experiences of your life… and why this course offers you the best keys, tools and insights for unlocking all of that potential for you.
In Only 30 Days
You could have a whole new story to tell. You and your spouse could have a much better understanding of what works best for YOU and YOUR marriage (not just what works for other couples). You’ll learn how to make your marriage work the way you both want it to be. All of these possibilities will now be available to you — all you have to do is reach out and grab them.
And perhaps, even more importantly…
Neither of you will ever again have to be seduced or misled by the “traditional model of marriage.” After completing this program, you will have broken free from the “stranglehold of mediocrity” that plagues the average marriage. You will have already eliminated many of the negative traditions, as you begin to transform a number of the dysfunctional relationship patterns you unconsciously inherited.
From Good… to Great!
You and your spouse (like a modern Clark Kent and Lois Lane) will have entered into a bold new world of ever expanding possibilities. This means, for your marriage, even the sky will not be a limit — because you will begin to realize… you have no limits.
The Top 10 Best Reasons to Enroll
Reason #10: Because it will dramatically cut your risk of being rocked by infidelity again.
The road to infidelity is littered with good marriages. But that doesn’t have to happen to you. By participating in the Passionate Monogamy online marriage course, you will benefit from more than a decade of what my focus and experience has taught me, in terms of how you can infidelity-proof your marriage and take yourself off the “collision course” of future infidelity.
Reason #9: Because doing the weekly assignments will help to bring back fun, playfulness and laughter in your relationship, right away.
I believe if you can’t have fun together, then you have no business being married. That’s why I’ve made the weekly “assignments” into “treasure hunts.” Not only do these assignments take your learning deeper, they help you learn to work together, explore, connect and rediscover each other. (I believe this may very well be your favorite part of the entire process.)
Reason #8: Because it takes your emotional connection to a whole new level.
Without emotional depth, you only have a superficial marriage. What determines the “depth” in a marriage is the emotional openness that exists between two people. The Passionate Monogamy course will teach you how to make it safe for each other to go deeper (so you can experience more love and intimacy than you think is possible).
Reason #7: Because teamwork… is what makes the dream work.
Just like one hand clapping makes no sound, one partner doing all the work in a marriage makes no sense. Not only will the Passionate Monogamy online couple’s course teach you how to work together as a team, it will inspire you to collaborate, communicate and win!
Reason #6: Because you’ll learn how to design your marriage, so you both win.
I believe that marriage has the potential to be the most satisfying experience of them all. And the best way to ensure that is to design it, so you both can win. The Passionate Monogamy online couple’s course shows you how to do that, by giving you — via a series of guided questions — better insight, to help reveal the best of what you both want.
Reason #5: Because it wakes up the relationship genius within.
Albert Einstein once said that genius = focus. I believe that’s definitely true when it comes to relationships. The Passionate Monogamy online couple’s course will wake up the relationship genius in you, because it gives you the opportunity to spend 30 days totally focused on finding out what works for both of you (and not just for other couples).
Reason #4: Because it (re)ignites passion, romance and curiosity.
When couples start taking the “good” for granted, they lose their curiosity. Sadly, loss of curiosity equals loss of passion, desire and romance. But that won’t be your story. Because the Passionate Monogamy online couple’s course will re-ignite that sense of curiosity in your relationship. It will show you how to combine the “new” with the “known,” and how to “refresh the familiar,” so that the good never stops growing.
Reason #3: Because you’ll learn the most important relationship skill: forgiveness.
It might surprise you to know that most “relationship failures” are due to one’s failure to forgive, more than anything else. This is why I believe the skill and will to forgive IS the most important relationship skill you can have. With the Passionate Monogamy online couple’s course, not only will you learn the exact steps to forgiving, you’ll also learn how to inspire forgiveness for your own mistakes and imperfections. (This is my #1 marriage saving technique!)
Reason #2: Because you’ll get insights that will change how you think of marriage and monogamy forever.
How will your story end? Will you have a passionate or mediocre marriage? Will you create a relationship that you enjoy or one that has to be endured? Will you and your partner end up as a statistic, or will you beat the odds? Will your marriage be remembered as one of the “great love stories” or as another relationship tragedy? The answer to that question depends on which map of marriage you choose to follow. The Passionate Monogamy online couple’s course will give you a new map of marriage that will not only change the way you think of marriage… it will radically redefine it. (The good news is, it’s going to be the kind of change you’ll enjoy having.)
Reason #1: Because no other online marriage workshop provides you with this specific type of education.
For sure, there are a lot of marriage enrichment, encounters and improvement courses out there. And yet, I’m here to assure you that none of them offer you the specific type of skills, secrets and insights that the Passionate Monogamy course offers.
How can I know this for sure?
One key reason:
Passionate Monogamy is not based on “book theory” or “clinical jargon”. Everything you’ll learn is deeply rooted in the reality of what works. You see, I’m not just the teacher of the program; I’m also a Passionate Monogamy student. All the insights, skills and secrets you’ll be getting are the very same ones I use on a daily basis in my own marriage of nearly 20 years… one I rebuilt better, after it was rocked by infidelity.
Let’s put it all together.
It’s a startling moment when a person recognizes that the emotional fulfillment (and closeness) they’d always hoped for, longed for, fantasized and dreamed about in their marriage is actually possible. And I believe if you let it, my Passionate Monogamy online couple’s course could lead you and your partner to that very moment. The ball is now in your court. The opportunity to find out for yourself is not only knocking on your door — it’s practically knocking it down. So, why wait?
Time and Financial Commitments
The Passionate Monogamy online workshop takes one month to complete. You will begin on a Monday (any Monday is fine), and the course will run for the following 30 days.
Here’s a breakdown of the approximate timeline you can expect:
- Day 1 (Monday): The Pre-Talk (approximately 1 hour)
- Each weekday: Daily Video Lesson (20-35 minutes)
- Daily: The Daily Steps (times vary)
- Weekends: Treasure Hunt Assignments (times vary)
- Day 30: Graduation Video (approximately 1 hour)
Cost/Financial Commitment: TB
The Instructor’s Role
In a way, my function is a lot like that of an orchestra conductor. While the conductor doesn’t actually play the music, his or her function is to awaken the power within each and every musician, so they play to their fullest capacity.
I see my role in the same way.
As your instructor and marriage coach, my job is to awaken the possibilities within you and your partner. To strengthen your motivation to go for more, and to inspire a more beautiful vision of what’s possible for each of you as individuals and the two of you as a couple.
I promise to show up 100% in this capacity.
What about you?
I want you to consider your options carefully. The next 30 days are going to pass, whether you want them to or not. You could spend that time wishing and hoping things would change, OR you can do something about it. You could spend those days repeating the same old patterns and getting the same old results, OR you can embark on a whole new adventure.
It’s my privilege to suggest that you go for an adventure.
For the next 30 days…
I suggest you allow yourself to reach down into the mystery box of life, and pull out something wonderfully different. I suggest you let me take you and your partner on a treasure hunt of life and love — one that will allow you to (re)cover some of your lost (or stolen) moments, and show you how to hit the refresh button in your marriage. Do you think you can do that? I know you can.
Don’t take my word for it — try it for $1.
I believe my Passionate Monogamy online couple’s course offers you more than you dreamed of… for a lot less than you’d ever expect. And yet, since I’m the creator of the program, there’s little doubt I must be a bit biased. So, rather than you taking my word for it, I would like to offer you the opportunity to decide for yourself. Just click the link below to preregister, and you will be able to access the first lesson for only $1.
The best part?
If you like the course, you can continue with the rest of the program. If you don’t, there’s no harm or foul. You won’t be billed further or made to feel guilty. And yet, I feel confident that once you get a chance to experience our “online classroom,” interact with the tools and features, discover how entertaining and educational the video lessons really are, and see how much fun the treasure hunt assignments are going to be, you will want to take it all the way to end.
Here’s my sincere wish for you and your partner:
I wish you unlimited heartwarming moments. I wish you spontaneous shifts in perception. I wish you seamless changes in attitudes. I wish you ever-expanding states of joy, playfulness, adventure and discovery. I wish you the knowledge that sets you free. I wish you unrestricted access to your own inner resources. And I wish you the ability to see the widest range of possibilities for you and your partner.
Those are the wishes I hold in my heart for you.
However, what I wish for you is not what truly matters. The only wishes that truly matter… are the ones you hold in your heart for yourself.
Until we speak again...
Remember... Love Wins!
Facilitator, Passionate Monogamy Online Course
Coming Spring of 2016
P.S. Click the button below to register to be notified when this workshop is open for registration.