Because There's a Right Way and a Wrong Way to Handle This Situation… The Challenge is That Most People Don't Know How to Tell the Difference
(BUT TODAY ALL THAT CHANGES)
Welcome to Overcoming 101. This is a crash course on overcoming infidelity, and it's intended for those whose lives have been rocked by an extramarital affair and who now find themselves having to deal with a type of situation that nothing in their previous experience could have prepared them for. And if that describes you, don't despair because there's a right way and a wrong way to survive and overcome this crisis. However, the challenge is that most people can't tell the difference between the two… until now. Coming up next are the seven key things you should know about overcoming infidelity that will help you not only to survive… but will also shorten the timeline for recovery after infidelity.
Things You Need to Know About Overcoming Infidelity
You are not alone.
“I'm going to go out on a limb here (don't chop it off while I'm there) and say this: infidelity may just be the great equalizer because it happens all across the board, all around the globe, in every race, every religion, every culture, country, city, town and street. It happens among the rich, the poor, the middle class, among celebrities and common folks. And when it happens, the most common place people turn to for support, help and advice is of course the Internet. This is why I can tell you beyond a shadow of doubt, you're not the only one looking for answers, seeking to understand, and wanting to know how to deal with this issue. Just take a look who else is searching, just like you…
No winners, only survivors.
“Surviving infidelity is like surviving a war. You come out okay… but only after you've spent months coming to terms with what happened, why it happened and how to prevent it from happening again. And just like a war, the real casualty is the loss of innocence. The betrayed partner loses the innocence that comes from trust and faith. The wayward partner loses innocence that comes from honor and self-respect. And the affair partner loses the innocence that comes from sticking to principles and values.
It's a marathon, not a sprint.
“It's a fact: The pain of betrayal is like a brick that shatters the promise and the dream of perfection. It rips the fabric of the heart to shreds and blows away years of trust and respect like a deck of cards blown away by a hurricane. And so, it's no surprise that the process of restoring, repairing, rebuilding and renewing is going to take a while. The biggest mistake people make is to expect too much too soon. And if you don't want this to be your story, then you might want to get acquainted with my estimated recovery timeline:
This is a call for help, not hate.
“Here's the million-dollar question: If you knew how to get all your needs met honestly, would you ever attempt to do it dishonestly? Of course not. This suggests to me that infidelity is not a call for hate, but rather, a call for help. What type of help, you ask? Help learning how to get your needs met honestly. This is why I look at infidelity not as an attack, but as a call for help. Therefore, the goal isn't to bring on more shame, punishment or dishonor, but rather, to inspire, help, support and encourage that learning. Because it's only by learning that we truly create change.
- Relying on deceptive tactics
- Living in denial
- Hiding behind mediocrity
- Overrun by impulsiveness
- Dysfunctional coping strategies
- Fear or distrust of intimacy
- Being afraid of asking for what you want
- Learning more honest strategies
- Stepping into self-awareness
- More creative self-expression
- Embracing self-mastery
- More effective coping strategies
- Releasing any fear or distrust of intimacy
- Asking for (and getting) what you need
No answers, only choices.
“One thing is sure: When infidelity rocks your relationship, it puts you both in crisis and at a crossroads. And although you no longer have control over what happened — it's the past — you do have a lot of control about what happens next. This means that you're going to have some key decisions to make and some choices that affect both the short-term and the long-term. So with that said, here are some tips to help guide you through this decision process:
Emotions are your biggest obstacles.
“Here's something that might surprise you: When it comes to infidelity, what you really have to overcome isn't the actual event, as it's not about the facts. What you really have to overcome are the feelings and negative emotions that the event triggers. For example, maybe for you, it's the feeling of being tossed aside like a used Kleenex… maybe it's about the indignity of being caught like a trout on a hook… maybe it's the chronic taste of bitterness that sours the mood and moment… maybe it's that quiet but defeating voice of guilt that steals into the mind like a thief in the night… maybe it's the dark feeling of anger and frustrations that often boils over like a pot of unwatched spaghetti… or maybe it's those white hot flashes of jealousy, the obsessive nature that consistently takes over your thoughts like a car without a driver. Whatever the emotions are for you, don't despair. Although they are painful, they do pass.
Overcoming IS about strategy, not luck.
“The only thing standing between you and totally overcoming this experience is the right strategy. Unfortunately, many people fail to recognize this and so they end up waiting on time, waiting on a sign or their luck to change. The good news is, that's not going to be your story. Because the good news is that overcoming infidelity is not a matter of luck , it's simply a matter of taking the right approach and having the right strategies.
Need Strategies For
- Shifting from victim to survivor
- Dealing with unfaithful spouse
- Overcoming disappointment
- Forgiving and releasing pain
- Ending the obsessed and dark feelings
- Rekindling love, trust and desire
Need Strategies For
- Handling the negative backlash
- Intelligently correcting their mistakes
- Inspiring their partner's forgiveness
- Processing guilt and self-forgiveness
- Learning how to get needs met honestly
- Understanding the role and function they play in the recovery process
Need Strategies For
- Restoring trust
- Learning how to infidelity-proof their relationship
- Designing a more passionate relationship
- Embracing transparency and honesty
- The art of compassionate communications
- Rekindling love, intimacy and sexual happiness
Need Strategies For
- Surviving the end of the affair
- Breaking free from the affair
- Neutralizing inappropriate feelings
- Redirecting attention and affections
- Letting go, without fear of losing
the very best you could ask. And the answers are coming up soon.
THE TWO ROADS TO OVERCOMING INFIDELITY
“We started out this process with the insight that there's a wrong way and a right way to go about dealing with this situation. What I didn't tell you is that more people will wind up taking the wrong approach to overcoming infidelity than the right way… not because they don't care, but because they are simply unaware. But let's put an end to that right here and right now. Here it is, in plain English, the difference between the two roads to recovery after infidelity:
- Seeks strategy
- Seeks justice
- Makes amends
- Views Self as Survivor
- Moves forward
- Mistakes = Correction
- Learning success
- Wants analysis
- Seeks revenge
- Makes promises
- Views Self as Victim
- Keeps circling back
- Mistakes = Punishment
- Learning failure
My approach to overcoming infidelity
At first it's hard to believe and yet it's true — when you forgive them — you win! Why? Because it's what allows you to find (stay) in that peaceful place at the eye of the storm. Think of it this way: forgiving them does not prevent the storms raining your dreams — but what it can do is place you at the “center” of the storm so that you can stand in peace even in the midst of chaos and confusion swirling around you.
Where can you get the skills, strategies and insights to make sure
you take the right Road to overcoming infidelity?
ENROLL IN ONE OF THESE 5 ONLINE HOME STUDY COURSES
4 REASONS THEY WORK
Stop Going in Circles
I coach you step-by-step down the road to recovery so that you can begin to forward rather than going around in circles.
No More Winging It
Overcoming is not a matter of luck. Its about by doing the right things. These home study courses reveal the best ways for you to handle things going forward.
ACTION NOT WORDS
I teach you the exact next steps to take in order for you to successfully navigate yourself (or your partner) out of the current pain, frustration and unhappiness.
Shifts the odds
While there are no guarantees there are certain key things you can do to certainly shift the odds of success in your favor. I will be sharing many of my favorite strategies and most powerful insights with you.
My Final Thoughts…
I believe that infidelity is a call for help (not hate). I believe that mistakes are a call for correction (not punishment) and above all I believe that once a painful thing has happened, you basically have two choices:
You can keep circling the hurt or you can keep moving forward.
These are two totally different coping strategies. One is effective and the other is dysfunctional. One strategy leads you to post traumatic growth and the other to post traumatic stress. Therefore, I see my function as your marriage coach to remind you of this. While it's true that you may not have had a choice about what happened before — you do have a choice about what happens next. So my job now is to do everything in my power to help you choose wisely.
Until we speak again…
Remember Love wins!