A true story:
In the aftermath of an incredible injustice done to his people, an old Cherokee chief told his granddaughter that he felt like there was a fight between two wolves going on inside of him. One wolf was hostile, filled with hate, anger, resentment, superiority, and ego. The other wolf was filled with goodness, love, peace, hope, compassion, and faith. His granddaughter thought about this for a moment, and then she asked him, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee replied, “The one I feed.”
Two Wolves Inside Every Man
Just like the old Cherokee chief, in the aftermath of betrayal, many men find there are two wolves fighting inside them. The first wolf is hostile. It’s the part of you that is filled with rage at being played false, filled with resentment at being lied to, and anger at having been manipulated. You can just imagine this wolf — its eyes narrowed down to slits, large predatory teeth bared, saliva dripping from its mouth — as thoughts of revenge, retaliation, punishment, and settling the score fires up its blood.
The second wolf is different.
It’s the softer side of you. It’s the part that, although hurt, does not hate; although disappointed, is not devastated; although unhappy, does not despair. You can imagine this wolf; it’s prowling back and forth looking for a way out. It sees the injustice, but it is not focused on getting revenge; it is focused on restitution, repair, and recovery. For this wolf, thoughts of overcoming and finding a way to free himself are what fires his blood.
What it means: The metaphor of the two wolves is symbolic of the fact that when faced with injustice, adversity, or a crisis like infidelity, there are two ways of coping with the situation. One way takes you toward surviving, healing, and recovery. And the other way takes you deeper into pain and suffering.
Which wolf will you feed?
The wolf you feed determines the road you’ll take. That’s because each wolf represents a certain path. One represents the path of the victim. The other represents the path of the survivor. This article is written for men who choose to be survivors.
How Do You Survive Her Affair?
Surviving infidelity is a lot like surviving quicksand. Here’s why: If you ever got trapped in quicksand and relied on gut reactions to help you survive, chances are, you wouldn’t make it out alive. This is because the two most common gut reactions to sinking in quicksand are panic and struggle — both of which are the exact wrong things to do. This is because quicksand is actually a combination of sand and water, so in order to survive, you need to do something that may seem counterintuitive. You’ll need to relax and allow your body to float to the surface.
Now, it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever get trapped in quicksand (thank goodness). So you don’t have to worry about your instincts failing you. However, when it comes to surviving the quicksand of infidelity, a similar rule applies: Most of your gut instincts are going to tell you the wrong things to do. And since it’s my goal to help you survive her affair and not sink…
…I’m going to clear up some of that confusion next.