There once was a young farm boy who took his cows out to the meadows every morning and brought them back to their shed each night. One evening as he was tying up his cows for the night, the boy noticed that one of his cows was missing her rope. He wasn't able to tie her up. Although he feared she could run away, it was too late for him to go to town and buy another rope. The boy didn't know what to do, so he went to a wise woman who lived next door and asked for her advice. The wise woman told the boy to go back home and pretend to tie up the cow but to be sure that the cow saw him doing it. The boy did as the wise woman suggested and pretended to tie up the cow, making sure the cow saw him doing it. The next morning, the boy discovered the cow had remained in the exact same spot throughout the night.
So, he went about untying all the other cows as usual, and they all went outside. But as he was about to follow them to pasture, he noticed that the cow with the missing rope was still standing where she had been all night. He tried to coax her into joining the rest of the herd, but she wouldn't budge. The boy was perplexed. Not knowing what to do, he went back to the wise woman and asked her advice. "She still thinks she's tied up," the wise woman told him. "Go back and pretend to untie her and make sure she sees you doing it." The boy did what he was told, and amazingly... the cow happily left the shed.
This story is an example of what researchers call "belief perseverance". As you probably already know... this phenomenon doesn't just happen to cows.
A lot more than you might imagine. Let me explain. Affairs have a way of mimicking the depth and strength of real relationships. This often creates an illusion of permanent ties. So like the wise woman next door... my job often comes down to helping men and women dismantle the belief they have that they are unable to break free. I use my 15 years of affair recovery experience to guide them forward (even though in reality they were never stuck)... and to help them let go of people they never really had in the first place. Unfortunately, sometimes that takes a lot of convincing.
Looking for a Black Cat
In a Dark Room
But here's the thing...
Because affairs are also rooted in fantasy and not reality, it's like looking for that black cat in a dark room—except the cat isn't there.
On one hand, you understand that being in an affair is inappropriate (no one needs to tell you that). But on the other hand... somewhere between the conversations, the text messages, the connections, the laughs, the smiles, the flirting and the attentiveness... some fairly intense feelings have developed. Any of this sounding familiar?
- The person you know you should walk away from... becomes impossible to stay away from.
- The rules you never thought you would break... you find yourself breaking all the time.
- The things you used to prevent you from crossing the line - like your faith, principles, and conscience - don't seem to be working anymore.
Once your feelings are involved... ending an affair can be way harder than you ever thought possible. That's why you'll hear me say this time and time again: "Affairs more closely mimic the symptoms of addiction than anything else". Why is this you may wonder? Well, I believe it's because most people are not really so much attached to the affair as they are hooked on the feelings the affair produces. To test this theory... let's do a little "thought experiment". Ask yourself... how many of the following do you feel apply to you.
How did you do? If you were able to answer no to all of the above questions, then the rest of this guide is probably not for you. But if you answered yes to more than two of the questions, then chances are pretty good that you're caught up in the affair fog.
The good news is help is available. I want to to know that YOU CAN break-free from even the most intense feelings! YOU CAN dissolve even the strongest attachments. And YOU CAN find the courage to move on with your life after the affair. And if you'll allow me to, it would be my honor to help you find your way... sooner rather than later.
And with your permission...
I would like to spend the next few minutes giving you a brief introduction to my 5-Steps to The End of the Affair online home-study course... all with an eye towards helping you determine whether or not this course could be helpful for you. So let's begin by exploring what this home study is all about.
LEARNING CHANGES EVERYTHING
(Introduction to My End Of The Affair Online Home-Study course)
5-Steps to the End of the Affair
Online Home-Study Course
My End of the Affair home-study course is an online version of the type of coaching I do with my private clients. In this program, I will be teaching, guiding and coaching you through the different stages of what it takes to actually let go and break-free from any affair. I will help you to remove any and all obstacles that are currently preventing, hindering or sabotaging your attempts to be free, (and stay free) as well as to help you heal, forgive... and move on... to a better life after the affair.
- Learning privacy: Because it's online... work & learn in private, anywhere, anytime.
- Action Steps: Learn the right steps to take to finally break-free.
- Better Coping Tools: Learn to handle your emotional triggers & compulsive urges to contact.
- Key Insights: Your own proven map to successfully escape the affair fog.
- Inspiration: Makes "exiting, ending & letting go" much less traumatic for you both.
- Perspective: Make your decisions from a place of clarity rather than from a place of emotions.
Since my End of the Affair home-study is now 100% online, you can easily access it within 5 minutes of enrolling to immediately start taking the steps towards breaking free. You can learn at your own pace... in the privacy and convenience of your home... or even take it on the road with you. It works on any device, computer, iPad / tablet, or iPhone / smart phone.
And just in case you’re wondering if this is worthy of your time and attention, here are the 10 Good Reasons why you may want to consider taking the course.
A few years ago, the video game "Portal” became hugely popular among gamers. During the game, an electronic voice encourages you to solve intricate puzzles using cake as a motivating perk. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until players solved the game that they realized the truth. There was no cake! The disappointment created such an outrage among gamers that they began boycotting the game. The reaction and boycott was responsible for the urban phrase “the cake is a lie”. This phrase is now widely used by teenagers to describe any situation where a promised reward is actually a fictitious motivator.
The feelings, the dreams, the hopes and the promise of a pleasurable future... often acts as fictitious motivators causing people to override their own principles, circumvent morals, deceive themselves and others. For a while this works. But then it doesn't. Eventually, the crumbs just aren’t enough and people begin to want the entire cake. This desire for more puts them on collision course with disillusionment. Because in the real world of extramarital affairs - just like in the game Portal - the cake is a lie.
And if you're ready stop chasing after the cake, then enroll in my End of the Affair home-study course and break-free from the affair... with minimum amounts of drama an / or trauma.
All I can do is show you the door, but you will have to be the one to walk through it. And if you’re nervous about what you’ll find on the other side of that door… don’t be. On the other side, you’ll find freedom from guilt (and that’s a wonderful gift).
Until we speak again...
P.S. You can click to learn more about my End of the Affair home-study program.