There once was a young farm boy who took his cows out to the meadows every morning and brought them back to the cowshed every night. One evening as he was tying up his cows for the night, the boy noticed that one of his cows was missing her rope. He wasn't able to tie her up. Although he feared she could run away, it was too late for him to go to town and buy another rope. The boy didn't know what to do, so he went to a wise woman who lived next door and asked for her advice. The wise woman told the boy to go back home and pretend to tie up the cow but to be sure that the cow saw him doing it. The boy did as the wise woman suggested and pretended to tie up the cow, making sure the cow saw him doing it. The next morning, the boy discovered the cow had remained in the exact same spot throughout the night.
So, he went about untying all the other cows as usual, and they all went outside. But as he was about to follow them to pasture, he noticed that the cow with the missing rope was still standing where she had been all night. He tried to coax her into joining the rest of the herd, but she wouldn't budge. The boy was perplexed. Not knowing what to do, he went back to the wise woman and asked her advice. "She still thinks she's tied up," the wise woman told him. "Go back and pretend to untie her and make sure she sees you doing it." The boy did what he was told, and amazingly... the cow happily left the cowshed. This is called belief perseverance... and it doesn't just happen to cows.
A lot more than you may imagine. You see, affairs have a way of mimicking the depth and strength of real relationships, often creating the illusion of permanent ties. So like that wise woman next door, my job often comes down to helping men and women break free from the belief that they are unable to break free... to move them forward, even though in reality they were never stuck... and to help them let go of people they never really had in the first place. Unfortunately, sometimes that takes a lot of convincing.
Looking for a Black Cat
in a Dark Room
In a way, it's like trying to find a black cat in a dark room. In this case, the black cat you're looking for are the things you got from the affair... things like attention, validation, significance, and sexual fulfillment. And because the affair is based on deception and secrecy, it's like looking for that black cat in a dark room.
But here's the thing:
Because affairs are also rooted in fantasy and not reality, it's like looking for that black cat in a dark room—except the cat isn't there.
On the one hand, you know that an affair is inappropriate (no one needs to tell you that), but on the other hand... somewhere between the conversations, text, connections, laughs, smiles, flirting and attentiveness, some intense feelings develop.
On the one hand, you know that affair is inappropriate (no one needs to tell you that), but on the other hand... somewhere between the conversations, text, connections, laughs, smiles, flirting and attentiveness, some intense feelings develop.
- The person you know you should walk away from... becomes impossible to stay away from.
- The rules you never thought you would break... you find yourself breaking all the time.
- The things you used to prevent you from crossing the line like your faith, principles, and conscience... don't seem to be working anymore.
Once feelings are involved... ending the affair is way harder than you ever thought possible. This is why you'll hear me say this time and time again: Affairs closely mimic the symptoms of addiction more than they do anything else. Why? Because most people are as much attached to the affair as they're hooked on the "feeling" the affair produces. If you don't believe me... take the time to notice how many of the following apply to you.
If you answered yes to more than two of the above, then chances are you are caught up in the affair fog.
There is a better way. You can break free from even the most intense feelings, you can dissolve even the strongest attachments, and you can find the courage to move on with your life after the affair. And if you'll allow me to, it would be my honor to help you find your way.
And now with your permission...
I would like to spend the next few minutes giving you a brief introduction to 5 Steps to The End of the Affair home study online course—all with an eye towards helping you determine whether or not this course could be helpful for you. So let's begin by exploring what this home study is all about.
LEARNING CHANGES EVERYTHING
(Introduction to My End Of The Affair Home study Online course)
What is my End of the affair
My End of the Affair online course is the home study version of the type of coaching I do with my private clients. In this course, I will be teaching, guiding and coaching you through the stages of breaking free from the affair to help remove the obstacles that prevent, hinder and even sabotage your attempts to stay free, as well as help you heal, forgive and move on to a better life after the affair.
- Learning privacy: This is an online course; you can work and learn in private.
- Action Steps: Gives you exact steps to take to break free.
- Better Coping Tools: Helps you handle triggers, compulsiveness and urges to contact.
- Key Insights: Helps you escape the affair fog.
- Inspiration: Makes the "exiting, ending and letting go" process less traumatic for you.
- Perspective: Helps you make your decision from a place of clarity rather than emotions.
Since my End of the Affair home study is an audio course that’s 100% online, you can access it immediately and begin right away to take the steps for breaking free. You can listen and learn at your own pace in the privacy and convenience of your home or take it on the road with you. It works on any device, computer, iPad/tablet, or phone.
And just in case you’re wondering if this is worthy of your time and attention, here are the Top 10 Good Reasons why you should consider the course.
A few years ago, the video game "Portal” became hugely popular among gamers. During the game, an electronic voice encourages you to solve intricate puzzles using cake as a motivating perk. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until players solved the game that they realized that was no cake. The disappointment created such an outrage among gamers that they began boycotting the game—it even went on to create the urban phrase “the cake is a lie”, now widely used by teenagers to describe any situation where your promised reward is really a fictitious motivator.
The feelings, the dreams, the hopes and the promise of pleasurable future often act as the fictitious motivators causing people to override principles, circumvent morals, deceive themselves and others—and for a while this works. But then eventually, it won’t. Eventually, the crumbs aren’t enough as people begin to want the whole cake, and this desire for more... it's what put them on collision course with disillusionment—because in the gaming world, as in the world of extramarital affairs, “the cake is usually a lie."
And if you're ready to do something different about it, then my Affair Partner home study can help you break free and do it with minimum amount of drama and trauma.
All I can do is show you the door, but you will have to be the one to walk through it. And if you’re nervous about what you’ll find on the other side of that door… don’t be. On the other side, you’ll find freedom from guilt (and that’s a wonderful gift).
Until we speak again...