Red Flag #7: Blame Shifting
It's a very clever ploy. To deflect attention or take the heat off them, the cheater accuses the “innocent” partner of cheating.
This is a “reverse manipulation technique” that's downright nasty.
By shifting the focus (from them to you), the attention is deflected and the innocent starts scrambling to prove their innocence.
This is manipulation with a master's degree.
Lawyers use it all the time. It's a projection technique designed to shift the focus away from the real issues.
CLASSIC EXAMPLES OF BLAME SHIFTING
- MISDIRECTION: Whenever you bring up the topic, they immediately change the subject. They use evasive or defensive techniques (even anger) to dodge the issue. This takes the focus off their behavior and puts you off track.
- SHAME ON YOU: This technique is about using guilt and subtle put-downs to make you feel stupid. They try to shame you into backing off and leaving them alone.
- MINIMIZATION: They tell you that you're making a mountain out of a molehill. It's just harmless friendship. “He/she is going through a rough time and I'm just being a good friend.” Meanwhile, the cheater is doing everything possible to keep the “harmless” friendship a secret.
- REVERSE PARANOIA: Suddenly, your partner becomes overly suspicious of your behavior. They start accusing you of having an affair, lying about things, following them or snooping on them.
What are the signs of emotional fog caused by cheating? Read page 8 of 8