How To Survive an Emotional Affair
or Any Other Kind of Infidelity
ADVICE FOR PARTNERS BETRAYED BY INFIDELITY
5. THE GUILT TRAP
Here is the belief: Whenever there is any kind of emotional affair or physical infidelity, we feel it is up to us to put emotional pressure on our partner to force them to change.
Here is the truth: Emotional affairs or any kind of infidelity hurts. These forced attempts are just a way we use fear and pain to get another person to conform to our expectations. Even if it means using manipulative and underhanded techniques, people think the ends justifies the means. It doesn't. And it never works anyway. Especially when dealing with something as volatile as an emotional affair or some other kind of infidelity. Guilt is a trap that is fueled by fear, self-righteousness, superiority and judgment.
Key Point: Guilt NEVER creates positive change. It simply creates resentment. And during an affair - it usually drives the husband or wife towards the person they are caught in the affair with.
How to get out of the guilt trap.
Recognize that using guilt is a decision to pass judgment onto another person. Acknowledge that judgment is NOT your function and infidelity (as painful and unappealing as it might seem) does not call for punishment. It calls for correction.
6. THE OBSESSION TRAP
It’s the chronic reanalyzing, replaying and rehashing of the details in your head. No matter what you do, you are unable to let go of the thoughts and images of infidelity and deception. Everywhere you go (and everything you see) reminds you of the pain.
As much as you want to turn off those horrible images, they seem to take on a life of their own. They haunt you night and day.
If you are going through this, you've gotten stuck in the obsession trap.
This is when the mind puts the “hurt” on automatic replay. Without asking for your consent, it plays those thoughts over and over and over.
The obsession trap is both dangerous and deceptive.
On the one hand, it tells you... by rehashing the painful imagery, you’ll somehow be able to “understand” or “find meaning” in what happened. Yet on the other hand, the very “act” of doing this adds more emotional energy to the pain. Talk about a mind trap. Obsession is a vicious revolving door to nowhere. Plus... it’s exhausting!
How to get out of the obsession trap.
Take a deep breath and be gentle to yourself. Tell yourself you are now willing to face change creatively. Obviously, infidelity introduces a new set of circumstances in your life. Constantly pressing the rewind button on the past is just another way of resisting this “change”. Remember! Healing happens in the NOW. The hurt is in the past. And since the past no longer exists, it’s no longer here. Resolve to leave it there.
Now for the ultimate deciding questions…
Would you rather stay hurt or be happy?
Are you willing to get off the hurt train and ride the healing train?
Take a moment to really think about this.
If this is where you are, you might not be ready to give up the hurt.
If that’s the case, then hold on.
You’ll get no judgment from me. I am not worried about you in the least. Here’s what I am certain of. It’s not a matter of WILL you heal – it’s only a matter of WHEN.
If your “WHEN” is now…here’s what we can do to help you get on the road to recovery:
HEALING THE HURT YOU DIDN’T DESERVE
Ask yourself…
What would happen if I let go?
Key Point: Without forgiveness, you could spend months (and even years) trying to pick up the pieces after infidelity.
No one can say for sure how long the healing and restoration of love takes. Yet a journey of a thousand steps... begins with the first step. Because you took the time to read this article, we know for sure that you have already taken that first step.
In order to overcome infidelity – it’s necessary to switch from ego-mindedness to love mindedness.
This means you don’t focus on the “loss” you focus on the “love”.
You love yourself through this process… and allow this experience to strengthen your self-esteem... rather than deplete it.
You love your partner through this process. And allow this experience to teach you how to forgive.
Love means letting go. Love means overlooking mistakes. And love means you are forever unwilling to settle for anything less than your highest good.
Does this mean you have to stay together?
Not at all.
Does this mean you should break up? No. That’s not what it means either.
What it does mean... is that whatever decisions you make... you make them from a place of love. That’s the only way you are guaranteed to have no regrets.
Are you willing to accept a little help?
For many betrayed spouses... pride, shame, embarrassment and a sense of failure... keeps them from reaching out and getting the help they need and deserve. And even those that do get help… often times... turn to the wrong people for advice or depend on the wrong methods to get them through.
I want you to keep this in mind…
Drugs can help to suppress the pain of an emotional (or physical) affair... but they can’t heal the pain, the hurt and the suffering. There is only one thing that can do that. And that's your very own inner healing system. If deep down, you are suffering, having trouble sleeping, experiencing obsessive thoughts, and having a hard time getting over this affair – then I encourage you to accept my invitation to talk about it.
I have spent nine years working with people in your situation. And along the way, I have accumulated an extensive tool-kit of practical strategies... and workable solutions... that can help YOU turn things around.
Will it be easy? No.
However, in life, it’s not about what’s “easy” – its about what’s effective. If this sounds good to you – then don’t hesitate. Start now to overcome your infidelity betrayel now. I want you... to discover for yourself... what’s really possible for you.
Until we speak again,
Remember... Love Wins!
 Speed up your infidelity recovery here >>>
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INFIDELITY
