Happiness After Infidelity
Overcoming Infidelity – The Power of True Forgiveness
WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO FORGIVE INFIDELITY?
Sometimes letting go of the hurt and forgiving someone can seem like the hardest thing in the world. It’s like a horrible leap into the abyss. The pain is so raw. The shock is so extreme. And the aftermath is so traumatic. Many of us will do almost anything to ensure we never have to go through it again. We tell ourself... "If I dont forgive, I won't forget. And by not forgetting, I'll be able to prevent it from happening to me again."
Another misguided belief.
The fact is – whatever we hold on to – we experience OVER and OVER again.
4 COMMON MYTHS ABOUT FORGIVENESS
 MYTH #1: To forgive will let the guilty off the hook, and allow their act of injustice to go unpunished.
TRUTH: There is a big distinction between a consequence and punishment. Forgiveness wipes away the desire to punish from your heart. However, it does not protect (or absolve) us from the consequences of our actions.
The saying goes…“As you sow, so shall you reap.”
This is the law of the universe in which you and I live.
In other words…The consequence of every action is returned to the doer. This is great news for us. It means we are off the hook! We can put down our judge's gavel. And know that the universe self-corrects without any help from us.
MYTH #2: Forgiveness is a “door mat” response. It sends a message of weakness and lets people know we are an easy “mark” they can take advantage of.
“The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” - Mahatma Gandhi
TRUTH: Forgiveness is a sign of intelligence, strength and maturity.
 It’s easy to blame, shame, guilt, condemn and judge. None of those emotions requires great intellect. Forgiveness on the other hand, requires confidence (in yourself), trust (in divine justice), willingness (to let go), and enough self-esteem to choose your own happiness ABOVE all else.
MYTH #3: Forgiveness is something you do for THE OTHER PERSON.
TRUTH: No one really benefits from forgiveness more than you do. Forgiveness is the ultimate gift you can give yourself.
Here's why…
It’s YOUR heart that winds up being freed from the pain that unforgiveness causes.
It’s YOUR mind that is released from suffering. YOU are the one who sleeps better at night. YOU are the person who gets to wake up feeling happier in the morning. And YOU are the one who finds more meaning in your own life.
MYTH #4: I can’t forgive myself, so I shouldn’t expect others to forgive me.
TRUTH: Self-forgiveness is the same as self-love.
We all make mistakes. No one is immune. That's why forgiveness is a pre-existing condition of life. However it's your responsibility to accept forgiveness for yourself. If you can't forgive yourself first - you will not be able to forgive another. That's why the first act of loving yourself, is to forgive yourself.
Here is another common place people get stuck when trying to forgive infidelity.
 "I want to forgive. I try to forgive. I know I need to forgive. But no matter how hard I try.. I just can't seem to do it. Every time I think about it... the pain, the hurt, the anger and the sense of injustice takes over my heart. What can I do to get past this?"
Great question! (We ALL have to deal with this at some time).
Maybe you’ve even experienced something like this yourself:
Some days you think you’re doing fine. Some days you feel sure you have forgiven your partner. You think you have finally gotten past all the pain. And then all of a sudden…
...WHAM!!!! Something triggers you (maybe a thought, a song on the radio, the phone ringing). It could be anything. In the blink of an eye, you’re right back where you started. Stuck in the muck. And those painful feelings come tumbling down like a house built on sand.
How do you deal with this? read page 3 of 3
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The Astonishing Power 
